Wow... I feel really really stupid.
So, last week, well, spring break, I decided to go hang out with the one guy I'd been talking to, "namely" Nathan. I think that's what I called him... But anyway, yeah, I decided to go hang out with him at the park right above my high school, and it was pretty ok. We kept trying to tickle/tackle each other, but i figured it wasn't supposed to mean anything so i fought back and tackled him and ended up with my forearm at his throat. Anyway, so, after we finished up at the park, we went to his house and watched Tangled. That also was pretty fine except, again, he kept trying to tickle me, so I started smacking his hands away, but he kept doing it, so I jabbed him in the gut with my hands stretched out and he grabbed my wrists. Again, i didn't really think anything of it, until he wouldn't let go... I ended up with swollen, bruised wrists.
The worst part of it was that I lied to "Larry" about it... I knew he'd freak out if i told him where I was going, so I just figured that, if he could go hang out with his best friend, who was a girl, then it should be fine if I go hang out with this guy. When I told him the truth, though, he said he wasn't even mad. We went on a really long walk, and I had to tell him everything that happened, which I felt awful about, because I knew he was gonna be mad... which he was. Not at me though. He was suuuuper pissed off at Nathan though. Like, ready to KILL him, because he hurt me... I was kinda peeved about it though, because it was my fault in the first place. When I'd finished telling him everything, he made me give him Nathan's phone number and he sent him a really long message saying he wasn't happy about what happened. I don't know exactly what it said... he never showed me. But, i think I can rest assured it wasn't very nice.. Anyway, after that, we were up in the top of my neighborhood, and I was walking about 5 paces behind him and after he finished sending the message, he looked back at me for the first time that whole night, and I looked down at the sidewalk. He walked up to me and put one arm around my back, pulling me into his chest, and the panicky feeling I'd had in my chest while we'd been talking suddenly started turning into tears. I tried fighting it, but I wasn't doing very good at it.. Definitely not. My breathing started getting shallow and I clenched my teeth, but when he said really gently, right in my ear, "I'm not mad at you." I lost it... He told me not to cry, and I sucked it in really fast and we walked back to my house and sat outside for a long time. When we went inside, we watched the rest of the first half of the Two Towers (I was having a personal marathon), and I was still feeling uber depressed, so he gathered me up in his arms and kissed me... :)
When we said good night over text, I told him that Nathan had texted me saying he never wanted to talk to me again and that everything was my fault and whatnot, so I felt kinda bad, and to my great surprise, the next morning, he actually got really mad at me... if we'd been in person, I'm pretty sure he would've been yelling...
Basically I felt awful all over again, and I eventually gave up trying to make myself seem as innocent as possible and was just like "whatever, it's my fault..." and after that, he felt really bad cuz he never gets mad at me for anything. He was just worried because it sounded like I cared for Nathan as more than a friend, which I didn't, and don't. But anyway, yeah... I don't really wanna go into detail about what was said because we both said things that were really hurtful... But yeah, so, Nathan's not talking to me anymore. I just hope he doesn't dive back off the deep end, but I doubt he will. The most important thing is that "Larry"'s still here. If he'd left me because of this whole thing, I probably would've killed myself or something drastic. I'm exaggerating, of course, but you get the point.
