Let there be bells!

So, I definitely don't post on here enough, and I REALLY need to. Because who would have freaking thought?? Zach and I are getting married!!! It only took us about 2 weeks of dating to figure out we wanted to marry each other, so we're technically engaged already, but we haven't gotten my ring back from the jewelers yet. So, we'll be "officially" engaged after he gets it back and legitimately proposes. But, we've already set our wedding date - February 25th - and holy cow, the days cannot pass fast enough. Seriously, November needs to just hurry and get out of here. I'm excited for Thanksgiving though, we'll be spending it with both of our families.
But, to turn the conversation to more of a serious note, today we talked about something really important. I asked him what his experience with pornography has been, and our normal joking, playful banter and conversations took an extremely serious turn. Before he even started speaking, his eyes welled with tears. It broke my heart to hear of his struggle, and I sat close to him and held him as he told his story and cried. It broke my heart not because it was a dealbreaker and I'm going to call off our marriage - but because he is so GOOD, and has such a good heart, it makes me so sad that he's had to deal with that, because it's extremely real, and if you say otherwise, you're literally fooling yourself. In fact, let me tell you something about him. I actually met him several months ago, and back then, I knew almost nothing about him, but I could see he was such a genuinely good person, it almost shocked me that he kept paying attention to me. Remember Ricky? How he was a major "goody-two-shoes" and eventually left me, probably because he couldn't handle my imperfections? That's kinda what Zach seemed like, but not prideful about it, but he seemed so good, and innocent, I had no idea what he saw in me, because "good guys" never stuck around long with me. I'd tried, I'd really tried with a few of them, but it just never worked. So, I figured if anything were to ever happen with me and Zach, it would be exactly the same. Holy cow, was I wrong. We fit together so perfectly, we haven't had the same experiences, but we share the same values, in a lot of ways, like so many it's crazy. I feel so comfortable around him, more comfortable than I've ever felt around anyone in my life. I feel like I could tell him anything and everything, I don't feel the need to hide anything. And I feel that he feels the same way. He was driving me home tonight, after we'd spent pretty much the entire day together because he had a cold, and I had cramps, so we literally spent the entire day on the couch. We watched a couple movies, and then we just talked for hours and hours, and kissed a fair amount. We talked a lot about a lot of weird stuff today though haha. For instance, we began the necessary conversation for newly-weds of sex. Oh boy. But, we both feel that the more comfortable we are discussing somewhat "taboo" subjects, the better. But anyway, probably another really important thing to mention is that Zach has totally turned me into a sappy, hopeless romantic. I'm not a huge advocate of things like "You're the love of my life" or "I don't know what I would do without you" but I said both of those to Zach tonight, and I 100% meant it. Not just like a little bit, but down to every fiber of my being. My entire soul is filled with love for him, I can't even contain it. This may sound purely sexual, but I'm so excited to have sex with him, but like I said, it sounds extremely sexual, but it goes way beyond that. Like, worlds beyond that. Sex is such an intimate thing that our society has normalized, has made cheap. But the emotional bond that is created between a man and a woman during sex, the ultimate expression of love, trust, sacrifice, and openness, is unable to be counterfeit by any other fleeting emotion. Especially when such a couple has devoted their relationship to keeping each other pure and undefiled until their matrimony. He truly is my better half. I'm indescribeably grateful, excited, and humbled at the opportunity to become his wife.