For time and for all Eternity

Today I marry my best friend, my dream man, and the love of my life. The day before today was absolutely insane, but we made it. We're here. At 10 o'clock this morning, we will be sealed for time and for all Eternity in the temple of our God, to be husband and wife from this life and into the next and forever more. I can barely explain what I'm feeling, my heart has never beat this fast, and I've never been happier in my Life. At one of my bridal showers, someone asked me if I had any advice or perspective on marriage. I couldn't think of anything at the time, but since then, I've come up with a very clear answer.
My advice to you is this: trust God and in His timing. It won't make sense all the time, or even any of the time, but everything will become clearer as you trust Him and keep moving forward and stay close to the Spirit. Trust in your Patriarchal Blessing. Zach is everything that was described in my Patriarchal Blessing and more, and I'm so blessed to be able to call him my husband today. It's strange, I still don't feel old enough to be getting married, but at the same time, I recognize that I'm older than a lot of my friends were when they got married. So, I'm not too worried.
Let me tell you a few things about Zach that have made me sure that I want to marry him.
First: the first time we met, officially, was on our first date. We had met briefly before then, but hadn't really gotten to know each other. But on our first date, there was something about him that took down every wall I'd ever had against relationships and men and everything. As soon as I'd gotten in his car for our date, I knew something about him was different. It was unlike any other date I'd ever been on, and still, every date and every time I'm with him, it just feels like home. Because he is home.
Second: Back in August, I'd had to check myself into a psych ward because I wasn't doing well emotionally at all, and had become extremely suicidal. I hadn't told him anything about this until we had officially started dating, but one night, we went out to dinner, and I told him the truth about why I'd been in the hospital, and he said two words: "I know." He didn't have an exact explanation for why he knew what he knew, but apparently he knew I'd bee suicidal and that was why I went to the hospital, but he's thought none the less of me even knowing perhaps my deepest insecurity.
Third: This past week was extremely rough, I'd been getting major cold feet, wondering if I really wanted to get married, or if I wanted that responsibility, and I actually ended up having a couple major panic attacks about it on Sunday. And his reaction to said panic attacks was another reason why I'm positive that yes, I do want to get married, and yes I do want the extra responsibility, especially if it's for him.

Last night was the last night I'll ever go to bed as a single woman, and I'm completely alright with that. I don't know everything about marriage, or what our marriage will be like, but I do know that I love him, whole heartedly and completely with ever fiber of my being. I thought I understood love, and what it meant to be in love, but it is nothing like I expected it to be. It is so much more. So I ask that you keep yourself worthy of this kind of special, unique love, and never settle for anything less. No matter how attractive or charming a man may seem on the outside, what's really important is how he makes you feel on the inside. I've found my forever Prince Charming, and my hope is that when you're looking for yours, you'll look for someone who treats you like your father treats me. Someone who makes you happy, and not only happy emotionally, but spiritually. Someone who understands you. Someone who is willing to sacrifice for you, but still maintains a healthy level of independence. Someone you love so much that the thought of being apart in the afterlife makes you sick. Maybe not literally, but I know that's how I've felt. I don't want to live without him, and in his profession, even if he falls in the line of duty, I will go about the remainder of my days eager to be back in his arms when I cross the veil.
My search for Prince Charming is over, but yours has just begun. May you trust God and be blessed with a man as amazing as your father, if not moreso.
All my love,
Mom

I love you too, but I don't like you all the time

Today was an interesting day. I don't want to say it was the first time Zach and I have ever fought, because we really didn't fight, but it was the only time so far where I've ever felt genuinely mad and offended at him. I hadn't been sleeping well all week, all the wedding stress finally caught up to me, so today I didn't want to do much of anything. We ended up not doing much, but he had a lot of energy so he wanted to go out and do something. After letting me have a few hours of nothing, we decided to go to Costco to get an idea of what we were looking at for the desserts or whatever we're doing at the reception. I showed him the idea that my mom and I had come up with, and when we had calculated the cost of the whole thing, which I had already done, by the way, during a conversation with my mom earlier this week, he gave me this look that said "Are you serious?" and it just drove a knife all the way in to my heart. So then of course, I went on the defensive, and when he was like "We could get it catered for less than that." I immediately retorted "Oh really? From where? Have you looked?" He didn't have exact numbers, but even if he'd had them, I probably wouldn't have listened. I was too upset to even want to look at him. We spent the next probably 30 minutes barely saying a word to each other, but we ended up picking up a movie from redbox and some food and ice cream on the way home, and when we got to his apartment, I put the ice cream away, got the Sprite out of the fridge and started eating my sandwich that we'd picked up. He was busy looking at some mail he'd got that day, and I had no idea what to do, because I'd already apologized a ton for getting upset, now I mostly just felt bad for getting mad at him because I knew he didn't mean to hurt my feelings. I just didn't want my emotionalness to get on his nerves. But, he surprised me, again. I was looking down, trying to avoid his gaze, but he came over and gently tugged on my sleeve. I looked at him and he held his arms out, a warm smile on his face. I was feeling emotionally raw, but I put my arms around him in return, and he said "I will always love you, and I'm sorry I made you upset today." To nobody's surprise, my eyes got all watery again and I bawled again, amidst saying things like "I'm sorry I lost my temper." "I just feel really bad now." and then I explained that the day before, while I had been out picking out the flowers for my bouquet, my grandma's friend that was helping had said something that made me feel like an absolute idiot, and she had given me the same kind of look that he had just a little while ago. I guess that kind of explains a lot of my sleeping in this week, all the wedding stress came to a head and I was trying to not have a meltdown all week, but there you go. But, the main point I wanted to make in writing this whole thing was the fact that, despite the fact that I was mad at him, and he was probably also kind of mad at me, he still made it a priority to make sure I knew he loved me. He took the time to get my attention and give me a hug and let me bawl into his shoulder for the umpteenth time. That sort of thing is what really makes a difference in a couple, I think. Neither of us are perfect, but tonight made me realize even more that I want him by my side now and forever.