Today was an interesting day. I don't want to say it was the first time Zach and I have ever fought, because we really didn't fight, but it was the only time so far where I've ever felt genuinely mad and offended at him. I hadn't been sleeping well all week, all the wedding stress finally caught up to me, so today I didn't want to do much of anything. We ended up not doing much, but he had a lot of energy so he wanted to go out and do something. After letting me have a few hours of nothing, we decided to go to Costco to get an idea of what we were looking at for the desserts or whatever we're doing at the reception. I showed him the idea that my mom and I had come up with, and when we had calculated the cost of the whole thing, which I had already done, by the way, during a conversation with my mom earlier this week, he gave me this look that said "Are you serious?" and it just drove a knife all the way in to my heart. So then of course, I went on the defensive, and when he was like "We could get it catered for less than that." I immediately retorted "Oh really? From where? Have you looked?" He didn't have exact numbers, but even if he'd had them, I probably wouldn't have listened. I was too upset to even want to look at him. We spent the next probably 30 minutes barely saying a word to each other, but we ended up picking up a movie from redbox and some food and ice cream on the way home, and when we got to his apartment, I put the ice cream away, got the Sprite out of the fridge and started eating my sandwich that we'd picked up. He was busy looking at some mail he'd got that day, and I had no idea what to do, because I'd already apologized a ton for getting upset, now I mostly just felt bad for getting mad at him because I knew he didn't mean to hurt my feelings. I just didn't want my emotionalness to get on his nerves. But, he surprised me, again. I was looking down, trying to avoid his gaze, but he came over and gently tugged on my sleeve. I looked at him and he held his arms out, a warm smile on his face. I was feeling emotionally raw, but I put my arms around him in return, and he said "I will always love you, and I'm sorry I made you upset today." To nobody's surprise, my eyes got all watery again and I bawled again, amidst saying things like "I'm sorry I lost my temper." "I just feel really bad now." and then I explained that the day before, while I had been out picking out the flowers for my bouquet, my grandma's friend that was helping had said something that made me feel like an absolute idiot, and she had given me the same kind of look that he had just a little while ago. I guess that kind of explains a lot of my sleeping in this week, all the wedding stress came to a head and I was trying to not have a meltdown all week, but there you go. But, the main point I wanted to make in writing this whole thing was the fact that, despite the fact that I was mad at him, and he was probably also kind of mad at me, he still made it a priority to make sure I knew he loved me. He took the time to get my attention and give me a hug and let me bawl into his shoulder for the umpteenth time. That sort of thing is what really makes a difference in a couple, I think. Neither of us are perfect, but tonight made me realize even more that I want him by my side now and forever.
