Best date of my life :)

No, this does not mean I went on a date recently.

Because I didn't.

This date I'm going to tell about happened over a year ago,

sometime in July.

Technically it wasn't a "date" because me and the other party said so.

But it pretty much was.

I was still dating Ty at that point, but whatever.

So, it was with a guy I had known for about a year, and we finally said
"Hey, we should hang out sometime."

Yeah, 'hang out.'

Date.

Anyway, I had got a bunch of Coldstone gift certificates

from some people I had taught in Swim Lessons that session, so I was like

"Dude, I have gift certificates to Coldstone, let's use them!"

So, we set a date for after I got off work one day,

I offered to go get him since I was paying,

but he was like "No, I'll come get you, no biggie."

I told him my address, and he found my house,

which like, never happens.

So we drove down to Coldstone, over by 7eleven, 

and we got our ice cream and just kinda talked about life,

but that was basically all we had planned, so afterward, he

was like "so, now what?"

I was like "I don't know..."

so he said "How about we go to D.I. and just kinda look at all

the old stuff?"

I was like "Ok, sure!"

So we went over to D.I. and we ended up looking through all

the old records, and broken type writers,

all that D.I. has to offer.

I found this super cool wallet that was teeny, and he was like

"I'll get that for you."

It was 75 cents.

Not a big deal.

Then he found a BYU hat that he fell in love with, so he ended up buying that.

After we were done at D.I., we were just kinda driving around, 

and his friend ended up calling him and was like 

"Dude, come watch a movie with me and my girlfriend!"

And he was like "You cool with that?" To me.

I was like "I'm chill."

So we needed to go find a movie to watch, so we were

just going to go to Redbox and get one, but we didn't

have a credit card, and his parents weren't home,

so we ended up going to his grandparents' house

and borrowing his grandma's.

She was an awesome lady :) it was funny though,

when we first walked into her house, she was like, 

"Are you guys on a date?"

and we were both like "Nooooo!"

And she just said "Ok, good, cuz [        ] has his mission to go on."

and I was like "Oh, I know, I know."

When we were leaving, he was like "Ok, see you Grams"

then he went up and kissed her on the cheek and gave her a hug

and I was like 

Because seriously, what 18 year old guy treats his Grandma that way???

Like, none of them!!!

So then, I'm like "Dude, you are awesome!"
*In my mind*
We went and got the movie, we ended up choosing this one called
Unknown.
It's got Liam Neeson in it.
Babe.
When we went over to his friend's house, I felt a tad bit
awkward, just because I was like "ok, I don't know anybody here
except [            ]."
We went downstairs, and his friend and the girlfriend were being all
cuddly on the couch, then me and [             ] were just sitting awkwardly
next to each other, like, 3 feet away from each other.
I had never seen Unknown, so I didn't really know what to expect, but I get
scared really easily. Let's just lay that right out on the table.
So, like, 1/4 of the way through the movie, it gets to this one part where
Martin Harris (the main guy [Liam Neeson])
is walking down these stairs to the Subway in Germany, and he starts
hearing footsteps behind him.
[            ] had decided to ditch the couch and was laying on the floor,
but as soon as it got to that part,
I was like "[           ], get up here! I need you!" 
So he came up and sat next to me, but he couldn't put his arms around me,
because I had a boyfriend...
So, we sat side by side, leaning in towards each other so our shoulders were touching.
That's how he comforted me,
and made sure I wasn't scared.
Lame.
But it worked.
After the movie (which was awesome, by the way, I recommend it)
was over, we went into his friend's back yard and made a fire.
After not too long though, [          ] said that he should probably take me home,
because it was getting kind of late.
We went back to his car, and on the way home, the song
"Party Rock Anthem" came on the radio,
and we danced crazy in our seats every time the shuffle music started.
It was awesome!
I have never had a date that good ever before, or since.
 And no, that is not a challenge,
because nobody can top it.
Period.
As simple as it was, it was purely amazing.

I hate singles wards.

Warning: If you are opposed to "language", do not read this post.  I swore a lot in it, because "dang it" and "crap" really didn't cut it.

  
I never want to go to a singles ward.

I hate them.

The only real purpose of the whole damn organization is to get young people to pair off and get married.

And they're all like parasites.  If you're not in a singles ward, they come after you.

They bug you about coming to activities.

Then even your friends suddenly turn and start saying "come "hang out" with us" when it's a singles ward activity.

I am so freaking sick of this shit.

I'm NOT going to a freaking singles ward.

Ever.

Yes, I have some very exaggerated anger about this.  I don't care.

You wanna know what happened?

So, Nathan texted me yesterday, asking if I wanted to go play Frisbee with some "people".  I even asked him if it was a singles ward thing and he said "no, it's just a bunch of us hanging out."

So I figured I was ok.

After work, which, by the way, it was a 10 hour day for me today, I texted him asking if they were still planning on doing Frisbee, and he said "yeah, if you're coming." Feeling pressured, I decided to go.

When I got there, I saw a whoooole lot of people I didn't know, and I knew Nathan doesn't have that many close friends.

I started to get suspicious, but I stayed, because I didn't want to cause a big scene, and I had no way of getting home.

The game was going ok, till some dick-head started taunting me because I was calling out to my teammates to watch out for the next move the opposite team was going to make. I knew it was coming, but they didn't respond quick enough. The guy was like "aren't you supposed to be playing for your own team?" And I just kind of ignored him, but then he was going on about how I "didn't know which team I was on"

so I just looked ahead of me and said "I don't need you to tell me how to play the game." 

and walked off.

Later, this other kid came and was being all up-in-your-face type thing, 

which really annoyed me.

There was one time, somebody threw the Frisbee and Nathan caught it, but this other guy grabbed onto him, so Nathan threw him over his shoulder and slammed him onto the ground.

And the guy started trash-talking him.

Like "don't be a dick. is it illegal for me to go after the frisbee? That not ok with you?"

So I called over "you freaking grabbed him."

And the guy glared at me.

The game kept going on, eventually people just stopped trying to talk to me, probably because I was being so bitchy to everyone.  Someone threw the Frisbee really hard, and this kid tried to catch it, but ended up tumbling and falling to his knees, but then he didn't get up.

So I ran over and asked if he was ok, he said his shoulder hurt really bad, and he figured out that he broke his collarbone.

He didn't want me to touch him, so I was trying to keep my distance, but then this kid (the one that grabbed onto Nathan) comes over and started rubbing his hand all over the kid's shoulder!

So I was like "dude, don't touch it."

And he looked up at me and snaps "I'm very good at what I do!"

He's a physical therapist.

He deals with people AFTER they've been injured and have received emergency care.

I could tell that this asshole wasn't going to take anything from me, so I had no choice but to back off.

 He slinged the kid's arm, but he did it wrong, then he told the kid "K dude, you need to stand up so we can take you to the car."

The f*** was this guy thinking???

He stood the kid up, he took one step, and the kid turned white. Like, gonna pass out white, which he did.  He went limp, and they were like "Oh shit, we gotta lay him down." So I supported his head, and managed to get someone to strap his arm to his waist so it wouldn't move.  That was one thing that was done right.

They never called an ambulance, but they got him into a car so they could drive him to the hospital.

I was so livid though.

They did not take care of that kid right.

But who the hell was I to say anything? I was a newbie to this "ward" so I had no idea what the fu I was doing, apparently, even though this is part of my JOB!

After the kid was taken away, everybody left, except me and Nathan. We walked around for a bit and Nathan told me some things that had happened lately, but I really wasn't in the mood to talk.  

He kept trying to get me to talk about it, but really, I was kinda pissed at him.

He'd basically kinda tricked me into coming to this damn "activity" in the first place.

We got into his car, and we started driving, and I just said "I want to go home."

We drove in absolute silence for the rest of the ride.

When we got to his house, I decided to as him something.

"I have one question for you."  

"Ok, what?"  He asked all innocently.

"Was this FHE for your singles ward?"

He looked at me like it was a no-duh, and said "yeah."

I grabbed onto the door of the car, and after I opened it, I said "Stop inviting me."

He tried making excuses, but I didn't listen.  I just said "I don't want to come to any of your singles ward crap anymore."  

Then I shut the door and went inside.

Happy 1-year Anniversary!

Of me being single!

Not quite sure how I feel about it,

but it's fine.

Especially because this marks the beginning

of something even better :) 

Something that makes me very happy.

So it's all worth it.

I have a crazy story though!

Last night, I was at a party with my 

high school friends, and it was all fine and dandy,

we always have a lot of fun.

After it was over, I went to Peter's house to talk

to him, to see how he's doing.

He seemed to be doing just fine, and we

had a really good discussion about gospel stuff,

and how far he's come.

I won't go into details, because I haven't asked him

if I can put those details in here, and they're

rather personal.

So anyway, we talked until about 2 in the morning,

then I was like "oh boy, I oughta get home.."

But then we lost track of time again, and another

few minutes passed, and suddenly

both Peter and I got this feeling like I needed to leave

NOW.

Like, urgent.

So, he walked me over to my car, and the feeling kept

getting stronger.  He told me that I wasn't allowed to text

and drive, which I don't do anyway,

so no big deal, 

but then he said "you better text me as soon as you

get home."  which makes sense, because if I was getting

an eerie feeling concerning my friend, I'd want to know they 

got home safe.

When I left, I was super edgy the whole drive, but I started

out going the usual way that I go, but then I got this little impression

that I should take a different route, and this is the crazy part.

I had a very strong feeling that if I didn't, something, or

someone, would follow me home.

So, I did, and ended up taking a huge detour to my house, and as

soon as I got there, I booked it inside. 

I texted Peter as soon as I was inside, and I told him I was safe

but I told him about me taking a different route and the

feeling that I got about being followed.

This is the other crazy part.

He had the same feeling...

Coinsidence?

Nope.

I was probably saved from being kidnapped and raped 

outside my own house.

Kinda freaky to think about, and it's given me a bit of anxiety

to really think hard about it, but I am so thankful that

I listened to the little nudges I got from the Spirit.

And that Peter has fixed his life to where he can 

hear them too.

I'm so glad I didn't give up on him.

I thought I was going to hate today

The title pretty much sums it up.  I thought today was going to be the worst day of my life.  I had work at one o'clock today, and after work, I had Institute with Jason.

Ugh.

He's being such a dick lately, I didn't even want to go tonight because he would be in the same room as me.  I know that's kind of childish, but I think after all the crap he's pulled on me, I have a right to be really pissed off at him. 

But anyway, after Institute, I had the option of going to Peter's sister's wedding reception at his house.

Peter told me I should go, and that he was going to have my other friend Kaitlyn there as a date.

I was kinda like "ehhh, a date?" 

Then he told me that Fidget would be there, and he was going to have a date too. And another couple friends of theirs who are together would be there.

So then I'm like "soooo......I'm the 7th wheel? No thanks."

There's no way I could whip up a date in 2 hours, not to mention the fact that I didn't want to.

Cuz dating is stupid.

So yeah, by the time work was over, I was just like "I just don't want to go anywhere today. I might as well go to the movies by myself."

So as I was going home from work, I blasted music and screamed at all the other cars. I did not drive recklessly, but I was just getting some anger out. Turns out my family was leaving right as I got home so then I was like "GREAT!" 

-.-

Then I go in my room, and I get a friendly little reminder that I'm not alone at all, that I just need to be patient.  It's funny how the Lord works. You think you're at the lowest of lows, and suddenly He lifts you out of the darkness and back into the light.  

So, I'm going to Institute and the reception.

The Lord will be my date tonight.

:)

I'm "Boy"cotting again. No big deal.

Thank you very much to Jason,

I'm "boy"cotting again.

I'm so sick of him messing with my head,

I just don't even want to deal with anything anymore.

Story?

Ok.

I went to this Institute dance thing last night with a 

good friend of mine whom I haven't seen in forever

and a half.

She's Jason's cousin, by the way.

So, we go to this dance, and right away, I see Jason's car

and I'm like "Oh no..."

So we walk in there, sure enough, I see him,

he's with his few friends 

dancing around like a freak, which is somewhat

normal.

So, me and my friend, I don't know what she'd

want to be called, but for now I'm gonna call her

Alison.

Me and Alison are just dancing by ourselves for a while,

and eventually, I'm not exactly sure how, 

we ended up in Jason's little group.

Everything was just fine and dandy, I had no problem with him

being all flirty with other girls. That's his problem,

not mine.

But on all the slow songs, he would dance with one of the girls 

in our group, or occasionally, another girl somewhere on the dance floor.

But the whole night, he NEVER asked me.

Not once.

Do I have a reason to be pissed?

I believe so.

Seriously, how humiliating is that???

Everyone can see he was asking all the other girls, then he just

bypasses me like I'm dust on the bottom of his shoe.

That just pisses me off.

It's ungentlemanly.

So, therefore, I've resorted full-heartedly to go back to

the way it was before.

No dating for me.

And not nearly so much socializing.

All it does is piss me off because people are stupid.

So why waste my time?
And what makes it worse is when other guys try to defend him.
There's no defending that.
I'm freaking sick of these ball-less guys who are so concerned with
"how mean women are" that they don't have the guts to put
themselves on the line.
This whole "waiting for the girl to make the first move" is retarded.
It's pathetic.
It's lazy.
Guys, man up and freaking ask a girl out.
Ask her to dance.
Be nice to her.
No matter who she is.
It's called common courtesy and respect.
Geez.
By the way, this is post #100!!! Woot!

Moving on, not quite what it sounds like

So, just recently, my dad was pretty much offered a job that would pay a lot more than his job right now,

in a city about an hour away from where we are right now.

I can't really decide how I feel about it.

I'm excited, but for some reason, it just makes me sick to think about it at the same time.

Because, if he gets this job, they said that hopefully we/they will end up moving somewhere closer to there. Somewhere that's about forty minutes away. That's what scares me.

I think I'm just freaking myself out though.

But I don't know.

I don't want to move away from the town I've known my whole life, and have to start fresh, when I'm just barely all grown up and trying to get out on my own. I don't want to have to do that in a different town.

I don't want to have to leave my job.

My friends.

My love.

(If you don't know who I'm talking about, nevermind. Don't worry about it)

I can't imagine having to move that far away from him.

Because what if, because of the distance, it doesn't work?

What would I do?

I suppose I just have to trust that God knows what he's doing, and if I'm supposed to be with him, I'll end up with him somehow or other. 

I pray that that's the way it will work out for me.

I just have to remember to be faithful and keep going on the path I'm supposed to be on. And if I happen to stray from that path, get back on it as soon as I can.

I'm not exactly sure what that path is right now.

Perhaps I need to do a little more soul searching and find out.

Pray a little.

Maybe go to the temple.

That's the only thing I know for sure, is that I want to do what the Lord wants me to do.

I keep getting little feelings that I can see what's going to happen if I continue on any said path that I'm on, and it makes me really excited, I'm just hoping I'm not just thinking it to myself again.

But there's no way that's possible.

I know that it didn't come from me.

Whatever happens, the Lord will guide my path. Whatever path that is.

And that is where I will find my peace.

I used to like guys like that? What was wrong with me?

So, today was my bestest friend in the whole world's birthday party.

She's freaking 19 now.

She's so old.

Anyway, in Highschool, she was super into drama and whatnot, so all of her highschool friends are all drama geeks. I used to be way into drama, but I kind of left that behind because I realized there are some things that are just a smidge more important.

Anyway, at her party, there were a ton of those guys there, and by the end of the night, I will admit, I had a lot of their attention. One or two in particular. 

The one I was aiming for, I didn't end up getting his number. Blah.

He was actually really cool. He played Frisbee with me and a couple other guys.

Yeah, I was the only girl that stayed and played Frisbee. 

All the other girls were like "oh, no, I'm so bad at sports.."

I was like "Sit back and buckle your seat belts. Watch this" 

*throws Frisbee 50 yards*

Not really, but you know what I mean. Silently, I was like that. 

But year, all the rest of those dudes that were all in their fancy button-up shirts with their vests and fancy pants, blah blah blah. I was rather disgusted with them. 

It's like "dude, you're a guy, stop dressing up."

I've realized that my man, whoever he is, better be a freaking man or he's not going to be my man.

A man doesn't dress up every day and isn't afraid to get his hands dirty.

He works in the yard.

He takes things that are broken and finds out how to fix them and does it. He doesn't need someone else to do it for him.

He's not completely suave.

He doesn't use pick-up lines.

He's blunt, but not too blunt

He's confident.

He will love his children

He looks like this: 

This is my happily ever after. Living my whole life with a man who loves me, and loves my kids, who works hard, isn't afraid to mess up his hair, will have mud fights with me if I want, and will be faithful and be my companion for Eternity.

He sure as heck doesn't look like this:

Bleh, guys that are that obsessed with their looks are just gross. They're gross. Ok?

Yeah.

Anywho, that's all for this post.

Peace.

Nothing like a little failure...

So, I've been trying to move out of my parents' house for months...

Aaaaand, obviously it hasn't worked out, because I'm still stuck here.

I hate it.

I feel like I'm a rock, stuck at the side of a stream. 

Nowhere to go.

What sucks the most is I have this amazing opportunity to move into this sweet apartment close to where I work, and is it going to work?

Probably not.

My parents just had a big long talk with me about why it won't work...

Way to be supportive, right?

They say they're "excited for me to move out." Whatever.

Bull.

They say they're just trying to protect me from things they didn't know before they moved out when they were my age.  Things that I've already thought about, and that I already know.

But is that enough for them?

No.
Then of course, my mom went ahead and took a blow at my confidence again today.
She has a horrible habit of doing that.
She was trying to talk to me about it, I was only about half-listening, but when she was done talking, I said "So, if this wasn't supposed to work out, why did I feel so strongly that I should go for it?"
And her answer was:
"I don't know, you kind of have that disposition that every one of your ideas is a good one."
Ouch.
I hate my mom's advice. It never helps. It only hurts. 

Doesn't help my older brother is being a stick in the mud and won't get his butt in gear towards what HE should be doing. 

Really, he should be on his mission right now, or very soon.

Not wasting his time on some girl, or sitting in front of a computer.

At times, I feel like I'm ahead of him in life, and I think that pisses him off. 

Is that my fault though?

No.

Like, today I asked him if asking this girl out is really the right thing for him to be doing, and his response was "Is moving out the right thing for you to be doing?"

I can't get through to him.

And apparently I can't do anything else right either.

I kind of want to die right now.

What the hell am I going to do with myself for the next five months if I can't get out of here???

How am I supposed to move forward if I'm stuck here with 6 other people who are getting in the way?

Seriously, my family is becoming more a burden to me than a blessing.

I need to get away so I can learn to appreciate them again.