Awkward Smiles and Shifty Eyes

So I said how yesterday, the dude I work with suddenly stopped pretending I don't exist and gave me a hug yesterday. Today, he seriously wouldn't stop staring at me at work! And I had to rotate him on stand and every time we would look at each other and then like, look down or pretend to find something very interesting in the empty pool. The last time I rotated him off the lap pool, he got down off the guard chair but then didn't move, and I had my water bottle in my mouth, thinkin "what are you doing, dude?" and suddenly he says
"Hey Beautiful."
And my face goes O.O
And I think I turned red.
I'm not sure.
I'm really confused though, and I don't really know what to do. Well, k, that's a lie, I know what I need to do, just now it's gonna be a little harder...

Boys Are Stupid...Sometimes

Uuuuugh, sooo much crap going on I wanna shoot myself in the head! So, for the past 2 weeks, the guy I was talking about, the one that I work with who's going on his mission in little over a month, has been basically acting like I don't even exist! It was really frustrating but I understood why. Duh, he has a mission that he needs to get ready for. But anyway, during that 2 weeks, I kinda started to like this other guy a little bit, but he's 5 years older than me. Not only that, I noticed a few other things really fast that I knew I wouldn't like if I dated him. For one, he doesn't have a job, but he's working on that, which is good. He's got a really dirty mind, he even admitted it, and yeah, stuff like that. But anyway, since I've figured out all this stuff it's made me less attracted to him, so yeah, now I've gotta tell him that I'm not interested in being his girlfriend, even though he's been mentioning how excited he is about it for forever and it's kinda freaking me out.
That's just the beginning though.
So, the guy I work with, who was pretending I didn't exist, suddenly decided to talk to me and stuff today. At work, we had the same shift, and there were only 4 lifeguards, and I caught him staring at me sooo many times! It was driving me nuts! I'm like "dude, make up your mind!"
So then after work, I had changed into my workout clothes cuz I was gonna go exercise and it ended up just being me and him in the guard room. We were standing in front of the white board probably 3 or 4 feet apart, and he took a step sideways so he was standing literally right next to me, and I kinda gave him this weird look like "what are you doing?" and walked over to the table to put my water bottle down.
After which we continued to pace around the guard room awkward-style.
So then he was over by his locker and I needed to put my phone in mine and as I walked by him he suddenly stuck his arm out and stopped me.

brief moment of shock and confusion right there

He held out his arms for a hug so I gave him one, but he didn't let go, and when he did he kinda grabbed my hand and I pulled it away and put my phone in my locker (which I was trying to do in the first place.) He had walked into the first aid room and I followed him and he gave me another hug, and I was like "is this even allowed?"

Missionary Protocol or whatever

He said "no."
So I said "Then why?"
He shrugged his shoulders. Then I made him let go.
When he had to take off, I had to stay stuck at work until almost 6 o'clock, so then I texted him and he actually responded, and I told him I was amazed cuz of how he acted for those couple weeks. I told him that. He said he was kinda ignoring me, but now he was over it and said "we can control it now, ya?"
So I decided to be a grown up, righteous woman.
It sucked.
I said "I don't think it'd be a good idea for us to start anything when there's only a month left till your mission. It'll save us a lot of heartache if we just let it be and you can focus on what you need to be doing to get ready."
I'm still not exactly sure how he reacted to it...we'll find out, I guess.
But yeah, now I have to worry about his other guy who's pretty much ready to lead me to the altar, and I have to be like "back off dude" although in a much nicer way. We'll see how that goes too.
Oh, and just a little side-note, I turned 18 today.

New (Year's) Resolution...?

I probably should've made this resolution a loooong time ago, but I'd never really thought about it because I was "so in love," but with the wrong guy. And I'm pretty sure this is what I need to be doing - my resolution.

My cousin is getting married tomorrow to the most amazing guy, they're sooo cute together! But anyway, before she met him, she was the type of girl that was just friends with anybody and wouldn't get serious with anybody, and I mean anybody! Her soon-to-be husband even had a hard time getting her to commit. She told him several times "we should stop seeing each other," and now look, they're getting married! She was the kind of girl that was friends with everyone, but that nobody could get. I wanna be like that. I don't care if I'm hated, or if guys think it's the dumbest thing ever, because when the right guy comes along, he'll fight to get me, and not to sound cocky, I deserve the best. Every girl does though, just some are a little too tolerant, I find. That's where I was a couple weeks ago. Some guys are good, but some are better, and some are the best. That's where I'm setting my standard, and I'm not gonna settle for anything less.

I have a confession to make...

For the last couple months of my relationship with "Larry", I started to develop a crush on this kid that I work with. I shouldn't say kid cuz he's almost a year older than I am. This GUY, more like. Anyway, I never did anything about it. In fact, I pushed it out of my mind for those last months. The thing that sucks is that it turns out the guy had a crush on me too..
The day after I broke up with "Larry", I was at work, and one of my other friends came up and was talking to me about random stuff and we got on the subject of my relationship and I told him it was over. This guy I was talking to is basically like my little brother. He's almost 2 years younger than me and we make fun of each other all the time. But he stood by my station and listened while I told him about everything, and told me he was really sorry I was going through it and all, which was nice, but he couldn't stay long cuz otherwise our supervisor would've gotten PO'd, so he told me not to leave directly after work so we could talk about it some more. Anyway, after the shift was over, as I was about to leave, I got a call from this other guy (the one I'd been kinda crushing on secretly)asking me if I was ok, and what happened and everything. I talked to him for a few minutes on the phone, then I had to go cuz my friend was waiting for me so we could talk. It was only a few minutes, then I had to go home and take "Larry" his stuff, which was really hard to do, so I called my friend back (the one who called me), and we talked some more about everything, then he had to go cuz he was looking at tracting shoes for his mission, but the following Monday, we had a cleaning shift together at work cuz they closed down the pool for a week for maintenance so we decided to go work and get paid. Once we were done with the shift, we all went to In n' Out and got food, then, we'll call him "Nick", drove me and this other guy that rode with us back to work so I could get my car and the other guy could get his bike. We dropped off the other guy at the front of the building, then "Nick" drove me to the back parking lot where my car was. He pulled up right by my car then parked and turned his car off and asked if I wanted to talk about anything. I told him I didn't know what else to say about anything, but then we just started talking, and eventually I said I needed to go cuz I needed to work with my understudy for the play i'm in. He asked me if I wanted a hug. I said yes. So we got out of his car, and went in the shade of a little tree by my car and he gave me a long hug. After that we sat on the curb for a while and he put his arm around my shoulder and we talked some more and I was sitting with my knees curled to my chest and he was like "it's gonna be ok. you'll find somebody." and for some reason, when he said that, I got all emotional and suddenly he had wrapped his arms around me again and was holding me close to him. Basically, the gist of it was we ended up holding hands, and he told me that he's liked me for a while. I told him the same thing. The day after though, he suddenly started acting all weird, and I couldn't figure out why, but just tonight, I finally just came straight out and said "do we need to start keeping our distance so you can prepare for your mission?" and he said "yeah, yeah i'm worried." so i said "alright, i understand. you really could've told me before though." and he said "yeah, i was scared." and now it's back to he'll hardly even talk to me..
I feel really stupid.
I probably shouldn't have even told him or anything cuz he's leaving in October and he's gonna be gone for 2 years. idk..