Yesterday was a particularly rough day. I've had a new job for just over a month, and yeah, it's a good job, but I'm working evenings, and I hate evenings. Bleh. It makes it really hard for me to feel productive for the rest of the day. But, also, I'd been feeling kinda down, and I started having major anxiety because I was feeling down. Back story, I was actually hospitalized back in August because I was so depressed that I'd become suicidal... so, that's why I was freaking out about feeling down. I've been on medication for months, but I was thinking "What if I can't handle my emotions even while I'm on Prozac? What if I have to be hospitalized again? It took me forever to figure out why I was feeling what I was feeling, but after work, I went over to Zach's apartment, and we talked for a while before we were going to go to the store. I started talking about how I didn't know how I was feeling and I was confused, and eventually I figured it out, because I asked him "Are you sure you want to marry me when I'm such a basket case?" And his response was "I'd marry you 5 times over, because I love you for you. All of you." And for some reason, that did it. I started crying, and he sat there and just held me for a while as I expressed my fears and insecurities about my depression, how badly I didn't want to go back to the hospital, and how afraid I was of post-pardom depression after we have children. He listened and held me, and reassured me that he'd be there to walk with me through thick and thin, for worse or for better. I can't even get over how amazing he is. I feel so safe around him, and almost unworthy of his undying love. One thing's for certain, I'll always do everything I can to live up to his love for me, and show him the same. I'm just constantly in awe of what an amazing man he is. I'm so proud to say that he's going to be the father of my children.
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