Is it sacrilegious to complain about God?...

Ok... so, in seminary today at my school, we had this lesson on forgiveness...
Basically, we talked about the "Natural Man" instincts when of when we're offended or hurt in some way or other. For example, talking about the early saints in Missouri, when they were so deeply persecuted by the mobs. Being tarred and feathered and beaten and all that stuff... Basically almost the worst thing any human could do to another. If anyone can come up with something worse, I really don't want to know because I'm kind of a squeamish wimp. But anyway, the saints would have had EVERY reason to be bitter and want to get revenge on their persecutors, but they didn't. They were told not to. Instead, they were told to be patient, that all their trials would be for their good in the end, and they needed to trust God and whatnot.
So, while we were having this lesson, the ONLY thing/person I was thinking of was that for some reason, I had this feeling like I need to forgive "Larry"'s dad... I mean, sure, he hasn't directly done anything to deliberately hurt ME, but I've been hurt because of things he's done, and I guess my hurt has been turning to hate. My anguish has been turning to anger.
To add to it, my teacher showed us some videos. One was of Pres. Hinkley talking about a lady who had been assaulted by a teenage boy who threw a 20 lb turkey out of his car and it smashed through her windshield, breaking her face pretty much to smitherines. Instead of being bitter about it, she pried the lawyers and attorneys for information about his home life, how he had been raised and such, and she forgave him in front of an open court hearing. He came to her and apologized for what he did, and she said "It's ok, I just want to help you make your life the best it can be"
The next video was a story about an Amish community who had a milkman come by in a big pickup truck to get the milk collected from their dairy farms. One day, the milkman like, went insane and invaded the Amish school, dismissed the teachers and boy students, but tied up 10 little girls and shot all of them, killing half of them. The Amish community was indeed, deeply hurt but they weren't bitter at all! The next few days, the families of the murdered girls went to visit the family of the crazy milkman to console them. Most of the mourners at the milkman's funeral were members of the Amish community. In return, they invited the milkman's family to attend the services for the murdered girls. Talk about long-suffering.
The two phrases that won't leave my mind are "hate to hurt" and "anger to anguish." It almost bothers me because I don't WANT to have to just suffer through stuff like that and not be able to DO anything about it! I hate the idea! Again, going back to "Larry"'s dad, I'm gonna have to learn to forgive him and just deal with feeling like I'm gonna implode from how badly my soul hurts. That's what I have to do. I got the distinct feeling/prompting that that's what I need to do, and I don't like it, but I'm not gonna refuse because I know that what it says in D&C 64 is true, that "he who forgiveth not his brother, there lies in him the greater sin"...
Ugh...

Will it never end?!?!

I'm seriously going to scream or cuss, or totally just bawl or SOMETHING. I can't take much more of this! uggh! Basically, it's come to my knowledge that "Larry"'s dad is still being a total ***. "Larry"'s family has had it reeeaally rough the past few months because for some stupid reason all their electrical appliances keep breaking! First it was the washer, now it's the fridge, so they need to get new/used ones. most likely used, but anyway, his mom and dad had another huge fight about everything and his dad played the victim card, of course. And then he told "Larry" today or something that he wants to 'redate' his mom in a couple months, maybe. Maybe? Re-DATE her? She's his flipping wife! Holy mother of all that is friggin holy on this earth, he was married to her for 20 damn years, he has the GALL to do THIS to her and his kids, and then says he's thinking about MAYBE re-DATING her??? WHAAAT!!?
I think if anyone ever found out I was saying this stuff i'd be in big trouble, but I really don't care. Not right now. Probably not later either.
plus, turns out there's a whole lot of the situation that i don't know because "Larry" hasn't told me everything. I know he wants to keep me out of it as much as possible because he doesn't want it hurting me but it's a little too late for that. I've been hurting, excruciatingly, for the past month and a half. As I told him today, might as well stab the knife in completely than take little dices at my stability. Idk...
I think i've finally accepted that I try to make myself think that I'm strong-willed and tough and whatever, but inside, I'm really ridiculously fragile and unstable and I hate it.
I'm getting so close to my break point that I don't even know what to do with myself. I've been keeping EVERYTHING just to myself, being either unable, or unwilling to discuss it with anyone and it's like, eating away at my soul or my body because I feel so sick all the time. I don't feel hungry but at the same time feel starved. Happy but depressed. Stable, but on the verge of tears. But as I told "Larry" tonight, I love him, and going through this sort of pain is better than not loving him.

Ongoing

There's a lot more to the story with "Larry"'s parents than I've gotten to tell, just because there's so much. The last I heard of everything is that his dad kept moving the court dates to try and throw off Larry's guardian and lawyer so he might not get in as much trouble, or something stupid like that. I'm just gonna say it. I think his dad is a freaking abusive coward and I HATE him for it. I hate what he's doing to their family, to his children, and everything. I hate it all! It's unfair and wrong and twisted and messed up, and SO many other words! I mean, when Larry finally actually went to court, it was him, his guardian, his lawyer, and his dad's lawyers. They agreed that his dad is dangerous, or at least I think that's what Larry told me. But anyway, they decided that he still has the right to see his kids and whatnot. So, they decided that every other weekend is "Dad" weekend for the kids. Larry, his little sister and brother have to go spend every other Friday, Saturday, and Sunday in their grandparents basement with their dad. And another thing, their grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins aren't allowed to talk to them or be around them anymore either, so that's great.
The first Dad weekend was last week, and Larry wasn't taking it very well. He still gets blistering headaches from his concussion, and his pain pills also make him drowsy so he's tired a LOT, and I just had deja vu. Double, actually. Anyway, Larry wouldn't go to sleep until everyone else would because he didn't want his Dad whispering lies to the little kids and making things even harder at home because he did that one night with his little brother and he ended up an absolute monster for a few days. so he would stay up almost all night every night, which was never good for his head, and he was getting stressed out from being with his dad, from what he told me, and I asked him if he wanted to call me or something and he said he couldn't because "parent time can't be interrupted." I actually got really pissed off when he said that. Not because I think it's a ridiculous 'policy' but because there's literally NOTHING I can do to help him when he's with his dad, and his dad is being an irresponsible, lazy, groveling, scheming creep! I mean, the only thing he's done with the kids since they've gotten to go visit him is take them places and buy them things and eat junk food and sit in the basement and watch TV! I seriously want to scream when I think that they have to go through that every other weekend. I mean, the LEAST he could do is actually feed his kids right. But no, he can't even do that.
I've been keeping most of these feelings about his father and family secret from him for a really long time. He knows I have some negative feelings about them but I won't tell him what they are because it wouldn't help him cope with the situation any better than he already is. Having to live with the fact that his father is (for lack of a better term) a jackass. And so are his grandfather and grandmother. They're all trying to buy "Larry"'s love. In fact, his dad even told him the other day "_____, your grandparents love you, and they'll buy you anything you want."
Manipulation, much?
I think so.
His dad does the exact same thing. Whenever they go out to a store or anything like that, his dad is always like "do you want this? do you want that? I'll buy it for you." It's frickin' ridiculous! Larry has even told me that it bothers him a lot whenever they do that, but he won't accept anything from them, which I think is good, because he's showing them he can't be manipulated and "bought off" like some people might. I hate everything that's going on though. The more I hear about what his dad is doing, the more I almost WISH that I could be in the same room with him again, once, so I could give him a good deck in the nose, but that'll never happen, and if it did, I'd probably be too afraid to do it for fear that he'd kill me, literally.
Last Wednesday, I took Larry to go and see a play at my school, and afterward, we had to go back to my work to get my clothes, which I had accidentally left behind. (I was in my swimsuit and some sweat pants because I teach swimming lessons, and I had intended to change into normal clothes for the play, but I left them at work so that didn't work out) While we were driving back, he was telling me everything that was happening. I was actually really shocked at some of what was happening.
Turns out, from the court case at the beginning of the month, the judge decided to have Larry be responsible for his little brother and sister, not his mom or his older sister, which again, I think is REALLY ridiculous because he's only 17, but the court deemed him the most responsible person in this whole situation, so now they're kinda like his 'wards'. They can't see or talk to their dad without him being there to supervise. It also includes phone calls. I guess their dad has the right to talk to them every day so they call him every day at 10:00 pm. "Larry" has to be there, and they HAVE to call him or they can get in trouble or something, so that puts a major roadblock in mine and his way because he has to be home every day at 10 so he can be there for them to call his dad. I mean, hello! He's still in high school! He has his own LIFE to live!
Maybe I'm just upset because that means that unless I'm over at his house, I can't be with him for very long unless we go somewhere in like, the middle of the day. It makes me so mad though. I can't even really find the words to say what I feel like, because there's so much I want to say but don't know how without saying very some very rude things. I'm just glad that "Larry" still doesn't read my blog, because some of the things I say on here, I don't want him knowing till I can bring myself to tell him in voice. And my feelings on this subject are still raw and the subject is still so new and fresh and heartbreaking, that I don't want to make it worse for anyone in his family, especially him, by openly expressing my opinions about his father and the rest of his family, because I think they're nothing more than a bunch of no-good, back-stabbing manipulators.
There!
I said it.
Anyway, there's some thoughts on what's been going on lately. I'll try to keep posting regularly, since I'm finding that before school is a wonderful time to do some blogging.

Follow-up

Ok, so I decided that I'm gonna tell about everything that's been going on for the last few months, because I can't stand keeping it to myself anymore. It's getting to be too hard.
Basically, "Larry"'s dad has had some serious issues over the years that he won't get rid of, but when he's confronted on them he gets all apologetic and nice and whatnot. Anyway, so, his mom caught him doing some stuff, I still don't know what, and she totally went off, because this was the last she was gonna take of it. She called the cops on him and had him escorted out of the house, so he went to Larry's grandparents house. That's where he's been staying since December.
Right from the get-go, his dad's extended family got super pissed off and started saying that it was his mom's fault that they were fighting, and that they were now gonna get divorced, when it really wasn't, which is twisted and stupid. But anyway, so there was that that "Larry" and I had to deal with. Then, just about a month and a half ago, he and his siblings were over visiting their dad, and Amanda (his sister) and his dad were yelling at each other and his dad said something like "your mom is a f------ b----." and "Larry" lost it and went over and started yelling at his dad. They started pushing each other around, and he pushed his dad up against a wall, and his dad punched him in the head, splitting the top of his ear, and also, giving him another concussion.
As soon as his dad hit him, he let fly. He hit his dad probably about 5 times in the back of the head, after he knocked him on the ground, and when turned to leave, his uncle put him in a head-lock and held him in the room, possibly trying to give his dad a chance to come and beat him... "Larry"s sister saw what was happening and went and sat on their dad to keep him from getting up. Oh, and also, in the skirmish between he and his dad, his grandma tried to separate them and he accidentally bumped into her with his shoulder and knocked her down. After everything had settled down, his family all had a big discussion (everyone but his mom, that is) and they pretty much blamed EVERYTHING on "Larry." When he went home, his mom cleaned his ear because it was all bloody, and then he stopped talking to me for a little bit, and I assumed it was because he was asleep, or in the shower. I had this feeling though, like I should go over and see him, because I knew he needed company, and not to mention, he probably didn't know what to do with himself. I mean, heck, he nearly knocked his dad unconscious...
I made the decision before I told him, and Chris (my brother) took me to his house. On the way, "Larry" was telling me not to come because I had school in the morning, and he was reassuring me that he was going to be fine, but I said "no, I'm coming."
When I got there, I was terrified that he was going to be completely out of it like he was the last time he got a concussion, so the first thing I did was make him look in my eyes so I could see if his pupils were dilated. They didn't look bad but they didn't look normal... I took him in my arms to give him a hug, but my head bumped his injured ear and he flinched. I felt awful. After a minute, we went to the couch upstairs and I sat next to him and we talked. The look on his face still burns my memory and the tone of his voice makes my heart ache when I remember it. He said "I don't know who I am anymore... I've never done anything like that. I don't know if I'm safe to be around you anymore. If I ever lost my temper at you, I don't know if I could keep myself contained to not like, hurt you..."
I told him that I don't think he would ever hurt me, because I know he cares about me too much to even consider it.
His eyes started to water, and I tried putting my arms around him, but he said "no, I've cried too much today." and I asked him what he meant, and he told me he was in the shower for a really long time. and I said "yeah, almost an hour." Then he said "I had to let some stuff out."
When he said that, it panged my heartstrings. He had been crying in the shower for almost an hour? That's NEVER happened before. I didn't know how to react to that, except just to love him and be there for him.
Before long, a cop showed up at the door to talk to them about someone in his family trying to press charges against him, so I had to leave. I told him to call me or text me as soon as the cop left, then Chris took me home...

Help?...

There's been a looot going on since I last posted... There's so much going on in my mind that I have no idea how to explain it, and even if I did, it wouldn't do it justice. I don't even know if I should be saying anything about what's going on either... It's so hard though. Not being able so say anything, but watching the one I love go through so much trial and I can't do anything to help it. We're still "together," but he has had to deal with so much in the past 2 months...to the point where it's killing me because I can't help. I know I need to stay right by his side and not be selfish and say that he's just ignoring me, because he's not. He just has a lot more adult-like responsibility now... which is completely unfair and wrong in my eyes because he's not even graduated from high school yet. Idk...
I might post details about it more soon, but for now, i have to go to school.