To Whom it May Concern:

Hey.

Just thought I'd drop in to 

let you know what's happened to me

since the last time I saw you.

You'll probably never read this, but if you

ever see me again, you won't have to.

When you came into my life,

I thought I was following a path that would

lead to happiness.

I thought I could trust you, because

you understood me, without me having to

speak. 

It was almost as if you could

read my mind.

You knew my secret, my weakness, and you said

you would protect it.

What followed was an overbearing sense

of "You're mine" and too much

planning for a future that may or may not

have happened. 

I never said anything because I figured

you knew more than I did about relationships

because you're older than me, but I 

couldn't shake how utterly confused I was

because I didn't think I wanted to marry you,

but you were completely dead-set sure 

that I was yours.

After we broke up, we tried to be friends,

but you wouldn't speak to me.

When you would speak to me, it was some 

snarky, sarcastic remark about how I "spurned" you,

to which I bluntly agreed to, which apparently

left you offended.

When you finally decided to be my friend, 

 it was less of a friendship and more

like a prison.

I couldn't escape you, I couldn't

hide anything from you.

And I believed you every time you told me

what I was thinking, even if it wasn't 100% correct.

And I put up with how bluntly you would 

tear me down, like telling me I'm horrible

at keeping promises.

I was battling depression, and you always said

you were there to support me, and would help

me conquer it, but I know now that you were

just using my vulnerable state to

get what you wanted from me.

When I pushed back, my heart racing and

shaking because I couldn't believe what you tried

to do, you seemed so disappointed.

But not in yourself.

You claimed you felt bad for freaking me out,

but I know better now,

because after I left, we didn't speak for a month.

Finally, it seemed like we were getting

the "friends" thing down, and I didn't feel as nervous

around you.

But then Christmas Eve came. 

Christmas Eve, when my weakness surfaced,

 and instead of helping me keep it under control,

you lavished in it. 

You wouldn't let me leave until I had

given you what you wanted, and I was 

powerless to resist.

I told you I wasn't ok with what happened,

but the next time I saw you, 

it happened again.

I was trying to convince myself that 

this was a normal way of living and

interacting, when in my heart, I knew that it

wasn't me, and wasn't right.

When I explained that I couldn't survive the 

way we were handling the situation,

you told me that the ball was in my court.

You wouldn't push, or try to make me uncomfortable.

I saw you that night, and as soon as I walked in the door,

you tried it again.

When I got angry, you wouldn't even look at me.

You promised me that it wouldn't happen again,

and out of the goodness of my heart

I wanted to believe you.

But somehow I knew you didn't mean

anything you said.

And I was right.

I was leaving soon, about to get on a plane

and get as far away from that place as I could.

You asked if you could see me again.

I said yes.

You came over, and since you had never

been in my new house, you asked me to 

show you around.

When we were out of sight and sound of anyone else, 

suddenly the real you came out again.

I wouldn't let you take what wasn't yours,

and then you tried to guilt trip me into giving in.

I walked away from you.

I wasn't going to let you have dominion over me.

When you left that night, I knew you were angry, 

or disappointed that you hadn't gotten what you wanted.

You said you were fine.

Since then, we haven't spoken.

I flew home.

I didn't see anyone but my roommates for the first 4 days,

and then one of my old friends asked me if I wanted to

go to lunch, like we always used to do.

He and I write stories, you see.

We would soundboard ideas off of each other, and ask

for opinions and feedback.

When I saw him last Friday, I could barely speak.

My eyes averted his gaze the majority of the time we were

together.

I almost cried, sitting there at the table, because I was

afraid he would try to make me talk, like you did

4 months ago.

I was afraid he would find out my secret, 

and use it against me.

Like you did.

My old friend, who has given me no reason 

to distrust him, now has to endure my 

skepticism and fear of being honest.

And that's all thanks to you.

Thanks for leaving me worse off than 

you found me.

Someday, I'll get over my distrust, and I'll

find a man who treats me well. 

I'll have my happily ever after, while you're 

watching from Hell.

And someday, you'll see me across the room,

and instead of giving yourself a pat on the back,

I hope you look away,

realizing that someone had to fix what you broke.

You're welcome.

- Grace