Just hate me or love me. Stop with the inbetween.

So, I've been continuing to try to be friends with Samuel, even though it's been pretty dang terrible. I have no idea what he's doing. It's like, when we're alone - just me and him - he acts completely normal. But at church, or at ward activities, suddenly there's a wall that goes up, and I have no idea what to do about it.
I'm admitting to myself though that I'm not over him. Like, at all. Or, well, I don't know. In some aspects, I'm way over him. Like how he didn't know how to communicate, or how he always put the blame for his bad relationships on the girls he dated and doesn't see that he might be doing something that's not good. He doesn't see that he could be doing anything wrong.  I'm way over that.  What I'm not over is how I felt while I was with him.  I've never been so infatuated with another human being, it was overwhelming.  There were so many things about his personality that I just loved.  I loved his outgoing, spunky way of goofing off anywhere he was, with whomever. It didn't matter to him.  I loved how geeky he was when it came to Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and metal working. I loved how close he is with his siblings, and how much he cares about them.  I loved how he was a daredevil.  I loved how confident he was.  I could go on and on... but it's too painful, so I'll spare myself.  Let it suffice to say that I still feel like my heart is ripping a hole in my chest, and despite my efforts to be cheery and happy-go-lucky without him, I'm hurting.  I'm hurting a lot.  But I think that's ok for right now.  Of course, I'll still put my best face forward, but I don't need to rush myself to just "be ok" when I'm still not ok. I just hope that by the end of the summer, I'm over it, so that when he comes back from summer sales, it doesn't hit me like a freight train.