Haunting Memories

This last week has been interesting. I think I start off most of my posts that way.. but, oh well. Here's my story for today: it was Friday night, I had had a super packed day working and I was really, really tired. I went over to my ninja family's house and crashed on their couch for a little while, and when I woke up I was talking to my ninja dad, and I had had a headache for a few hours so he was rubbing my temples to try to make my headache go away. In the middle of while he was rubbing my head, there was an instant where he way he touched me felt exactly like the way Samuel used to touch me. I started to get a little uneasy, having memories with Samuel start to flood through my head. And of course, none of the memories I had running through my head were good ones. If I'm being frank and honest, Samuel showed me a song by Queen once that had a line that said "I'm a sex machine" and I do think that was mostly true for him. He was a very sensual person. Like, it was a little scary now that I look back on it. So yeah, I tried keeping it to myself, but as I was on  my way home, I kept thinking about him a ton and when I got home I told my ninja dad about it. Of course he was concerned about it and wanted to more.
Let me give a little back story now. There were times when I'd be with Samuel and he'd act really seductively, but at the time I didn't just tolerate it, I actually really enjoyed it. For example, there was a time he was telling me that since he had taken a lot of anatomy classes, he knew how to get certain reactions out of me, like if he wanted to excite me, all he would really need to do is grab my hips and gently caress them. He tested it in practice on me as he was telling me the theory, and yes, it worked. My breath caught in my chest, and I kind of wanted to rip his shirt off. Or there was another time that I remember specifically where we were kissing, and he would use his almost abnormally large hands to grab onto my short ribs. It would illicit the same reaction from me, and I'd gasp a little bit, trying to breathe, and one time, he parted his lips barely far away enough from mine to whisper "I love the sound you make when I do that. It's exquisite." and his lips brushed mine as he spoke. It made me go crazy - totally crazy. Or the times when he would kiss my neck and it was literally like someone sent an electric shock through my whole body.
Anyway, I told my ninja dad a little bit about it, but then yesterday night we went bowling as a form of a "daddy-daughter" date, and there was a guy in the lane next to us that, when he bowled, he looked just like Samuel, and it was driving me nuts and throwing my groove off in a seriously crappy way. I don't think I've mentioned that, for me, when those memories would surface, it was almost like I was literally re-living every one of them. Even though it was just in my head, I'd feel his hand on my hips, or on my short ribs, or his lips brushing against mine. It makes no sense to me. In fact, it kinda freaks me out and I don't like it. So anyway, when we were done bowling, my ninja dad could tell I was off, so he asked me about it and I told him what was up. I told him about how it's such a struggle that it's been over 6 months since we broke up, we only dated for 3 weeks, and I'm still not over him because, somehow, he ignited a fire in me that for some reason only burns for him. And the memories that go through my head only fan the flame. So then that brought up the topic of how I tend to feel things deeper than most people in every way. My ninja dad mentioned that perhaps this is one reason why he had such an impact on me that I can't seem to get over. I was a little surprised that he had caught on to how I feel things deeper than most, because I was starting to think that it was just me that thought that. I didn't know that it was something that other people could see. It was a little relieving though, honestly, to have it reaffirmed that I'm not just nuts, but that maybe this is a real thing that I have that makes me different. I mean, yeah, it sucks right now, but it does bring me a little comfort in thinking that eventually I'll find a man who can handle that part of me and will actually love that about me. In fact, I think he'll be a very happy man thanks to the fact that I think differently than most women.. who knows? This little thing about me may end up being a very good thing.