So, I've finally kind of accepted that I'm a little crazy. It's taken me a little while to finally figure that out, but I can't pretend to hide it anymore. Especially for the past few days, I've been thinking about Samuel a ton, because he's coming back to Utah from Missouri in just a few weeks. Why do I care? Why in the heck do I care? He's probably not going to give a crap whether he sees me or not, so why am I thinking I want to try to see him again? It makes no sense. In fact, I've talked to my ninja dad about it and he kinda freaked out about it. It didn't help though. It just made me feel worse. We kinda fought about it for a while, and eventually we did come to terms, because I was finally able to explain what it was that I needed from him during that time of me being crazy and knowing I'm crazy. It's just hard, when I get all caught up thinking about him, and wanting things to go back to the way they were, it's like what they describe on The Vampire Diaries, when you're a vampire, everything is heightened, and you almost feel like you can't control yourself. That's how I feel. And trying to hold it inside myself almost makes it worse. It's like I just need someone to just make out with. Just once, or twice, idk, something. But no, I can't do that, because that's crazy. So, like I said, I'm kinda crazy..
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