You're welcome.

I'm not going to say much about what happened Saturday night because it was a nightmare. I'm never doing that again. Ever.

I was over watching another James bond movie with Fidget, Carrie, Brandon, and a couple other people. Carrie's sister, Amber was there.

That's Peter's girlfriend.

Ugh.

I bore her company until she disappeared, and said "I'm bring a surprise!"

Guess who?

Peter.

They're disgusting together, so I hate seeing both of them at the same time.

Anyway, Carrie knew I didn't want them there, and she decided to try to talk to Amber about it. It may not have been the smartest move, but I don't blame her for standing up for me.

Anyway, her sister freaked out and ran off.

So we all went outside looking for her, but heard nothing. Then, she randomly popped out and started running.

I ran after her.

When I'd finally caught up to her, I basically told her flat out what I think of her and Peter, which I don't think she liked very much.  That was after a bit of other discussion.

I still couldn't convince her to come back to Fidget's house with me, so I said "You know, Peter's pretty much hysterical because he can't find you.  Wouldn't you like to at least let him know you're safe? Or do you not love him that much?"

That got her to come back.

Pissed her off, but she came back.

I know how to push people's buttons.

Anyway, as soon as we came around the corner, Peter came running.  I just kept walking, and of course, Amber told Peter eeeeevverything I said while we were walking.

So, now he's pissed at me.

I was sooo tempted to send him a text tonight and say "Sorry I pissed off your girlfriend.  Next time, I'll let her run off and leave you in hysterics. You're welcome." 

I almost wish I had sent it.

The needle has finally pointed North

For those of you who are Mormons, like me, know that in General Conference over the last weekend, they made an adjustment to the age you have to be to serve a mission. Guys can start at 18, girls can start at 19.

Needless to say, I am going to serve a mission.

I started my papers last night, which was awesome :) I'm hoping I can get them finished fast.

 

Anyway, another story.

After I had had my interview and stuff with my bishop, I went over to Fidget's house to watch another Bond movie, and after it was over, he pretty much sent everybody home, but I stayed behind because I wanted to hear this story he said he wanted to tell me.

Funny thing: on my way over, I had this feeling that I wanted to kiss him, and I felt pretty good about it, so I thought to myself "Ok, unless I get a for sure 'NO', I'm gonna kiss him tonight."

So, when everyone was gone, we sat at his kitchen table and talked about a looot of things.  I don't even remember what they all were, but as he was starting to get a tad bit loopy, I decided I had to ask him something.

"I need to ask you something." I said.

"Ok, what is it?" He asked.

It took me a moment to find the right words to use, but this is what came out:

"What do you expect to come of you and me?"

He thought for a minute, then said "Well, a relationship would be nice.  I mean, I think we're both smart enough that we wouldn't do anything that would prevent us from going."

My thoughts were somewhat of the same.  We've both been praying about it a lot, but I'm still not quite sure if I want to get into anything before my mission.  I really want to be able to focus all my efforts on preparing. I'm going to keep praying about it and see.

I told him that I'm really scared about getting into anything, just because I don't want to lose him completely, if, on the offchance, things don't work between us.

We talked til about 1:30 in the morning, then I was like "Dude, you need to go to bed."

So he walked me out to my car, and opened my door for me and then we kept talking. I started getting all shaky and nervous because that feeling came back. The feeling of wanting to kiss him.

At first I didn't do anything about it, but then I kept getting this feeling of "do it, do it, do it."

My lips were dry.

So I put on some lipgloss.

Then I told him I wanted another hug, which he most willingly gave, and he noticed I was all shaky and asked if I was shivering. I said no, and he commented on how badly I was shaking, and I just laughed about it and said "It's nothing. I'm just a little nervous."

"Nervous about what?" He asked.

I paused for a long time, then finally said "Nothing.."

I thought I was just going to chicken out. He asked again, to reaffirm, to which I agreed, but then he said:

"You didn't put on that lipgloss for nothing."

My eyes went wide, and I laughed, caught in the act.

He pulled back and looked at me, and smiled. "Are you going to give me my lesson?"

That had been a running joke between us for a while. If you've seen "Better Off Dead", you know the part where the main guy and the French exchange student are talking about her giving him lessons in the "Love language". They called it "Language Lessons." Brandon and Carrie, whenever we're with them, always are all over each other, so Fidget and I were like "We should just like, make out in front of them and see how they like it."

We never have, but when we first threw out that idea, as a joke, Fidget's first words were "I'm not very good though."

To which I responded: "I can teach you ;)"

So, that was a joke of ours, talking about language lessons.

"If you really want it." I replied shyly

"Yeah, I do." 

"Ok." I smiled a little bit, and then he looked nervous.

"I'm really bad though..."

"You don't have to tell me."  I cut him off, and he started shuffling around.

"I know. Sorry, I always make things like this awkward."

"Well, don't even worry about it, really."  I said, and we both stared at each other for a moment. Then I put my hand around the back of his neck, and he wrapped his arms around me and we kissed.. :) it was somewhat short, but sweet. Once we had let go, we hugged again, and in the silence, he said quietly:

"You're amazing."

I don't know if he was talking about my kissing skills, or just me in general.. Haha

Anyway, we hugged for another while, and talked some more, then he swore he heard a bear or something, so he made me get in my car.  But, he only gave me a hug good-bye, which I was actually really impressed with.  I don't feel like he feels like he needs that physical contact ALL THE TIME like some people I know.

*cough cough* Ty...

I don't know, I just figure, I've been putting off dating and whatnot for another year because secretly I was just hoping that I could kind of write my own destiny, like not date anybody, then have Nick come home and we date and get married, happily ever after, cute. Whatever. With me going on a mision, he's going to be back for about a year before I'm back.  He'll probably be married by then.

So, I've decided that it's time to stop deluding myself, and try to move on with life.  If things work out for us, great. If they don't, oh well. I'm not worrying about it anymore.

I have more important, and more present things to worry about.



Slowly, but surely

So, things have been going rather well since Fidget and I held hands a couple days ago.

I saw him again yesterday after I was done with Institute

Sidenote!

I saw Nathan while I was at Institute, except he was being all stoic and untalkative, which is extremely unlike him, so I asked him if he was mad at me, and he said he was just thinking about things, which, being interpreted, means "I am so jealous and envious because you didn't choose me but I'm going to try to not tell you."

I kinda got on his case for that, and today, he finally came around and was like "I'm sorry I was such a dork yesterday"

Anyway, so I went to see Fidget after Institute, and he wasn't off yet, but our other couple friends, who just recently got engaged, Brandon and Carrie, were there as well, so I talked to them. Peter was there too, and I tried to not talk to him, but Brandon tried to make me, which was rather annoying.

After Fidget was done with work, we all decided we wanted to go out to dinner, and we decided we wanted to go to Denny's.

Funny thing, we went to the same Denny's we were at that night after my inservice, when Fidget first called me beautiful.

When we were there, Fidget kept making little remarks about how attractive and amazing I am, which I found cute and flattering.  He and I hadn't held hands in the car on the way there, and we didn't really do anything while we were at Denny's, or on the way back to his house at all, actually.

But, once we got back to his house, I remembered my car was still at Macey's, so we all drove back in the Mint Green van, and when we first got in, Carrie through something up to my seat, and I looked at it, and it was a skull. Naturally, I flipped out, screamed, dropped it on the floor, and curled my feet up. 

Then everybody laughed at me.

Fidget started making fun of me, saying that the skull was going to bite me, then he picked it up and was holding it, then he screamed, and I thought it was because the skull bit him or something, but really he had whacked his funnybone on something,  so I reached over and grabbed his hand, asking if he was ok, and he said "Yeah, just don't let go."

Carrie and Brandon thought that was just adorable, so then they started making couple jokes and stuff towards us. When we got to Macey's to get my car, Fidget came and opened my door for me, and Carrie rode back to Fidget's house with me.  When we got back, Brandon was making more couple jokes, and said to me and Fidget: "You guys should get married"

Fidget and I just looked at each other in shock, and were like "ummmm....."

Then we went out into Fidget's back yard and were looking at the stars from his trampoline, and Brandon made another comment.  He was like "It's so cute to see you guys finally together."

So yeah, that was basically all of yesterday. 

Today, I was texting Fidget while I was at work, and he said "My cousin wants to meet you."

I figured he meant his cousin Foster, because Foster has talked to me on facebook before, but Fidget was like "Nope, different cousin." 

This particular cousin had started a whole bunch of rumors that Fidget was gay.

Dumb.

But yeah, I was like "What? How did she even come to find out about me?" And he said "Well, my sister was talking to her and was like 'Oh, you've gotta meet Fidget's girlfriend. She's super pretty and nice'." then he said "So yeah, basically my whole family loves you."

I decided to point out that we're not officially dating yet, but both of us find all these funny stories to be incredibly amusing.

Who knows, it may take the fun out of it to start something serious.

Well played, my friend. Well played.

On a rather unexpected turn of events, something that I never expected to happen for another several months happened tonight.

Fidget held my hand..

:)

Haha I was rather incredibly impressed by his timing too.

I went over to his house tonight, and at first, we were up watching more footage of films he's working on, and then we decided to go downstairs into the "Man Cave" and watch Indiana Jones, because I will admit, I've never seen all of them all the way through...

Fidget decided to take it upon himself to show me the world of Jones.

So, during the movie, we were in our usual place, side by side, arms/shoulders touching, but nothing more.  It had kind of started to irritate me because I was just like "Come on, make a move already!"

But then tonight, we're sitting there watching Raiders of the Lost Ark, and I had seen bits of it when I was little, and it had scared me to death.. It got to those parts again, and I started to kind of freak out and leaned into Fidget's shoulder, half involuntarily, and then this one time, I jumped really bad and afterward, he started laughing and said "Here, you can squeeze my hand if it gets really scary."

And voila, we were holding hands.

There was one part in the movie where Indiana played a smooth move on the girl, so I leaned over and said kinda quietly to Fidget,

"You know, you're pretty smooth too."

He laughed and asked what I meant, and all I did was tap his hand with the hand he was holding, and he started laughing again. 

Couldn't have asked for a better moment though, and he took advantage of it. I was impressed.