For those of you who are Mormons, like me, know that in General Conference over the last weekend, they made an adjustment to the age you have to be to serve a mission. Guys can start at 18, girls can start at 19.
Needless to say, I am going to serve a mission.
I started my papers last night, which was awesome :) I'm hoping I can get them finished fast.
Anyway, another story.
After I had had my interview and stuff with my bishop, I went over to Fidget's house to watch another Bond movie, and after it was over, he pretty much sent everybody home, but I stayed behind because I wanted to hear this story he said he wanted to tell me.
Funny thing: on my way over, I had this feeling that I wanted to kiss him, and I felt pretty good about it, so I thought to myself "Ok, unless I get a for sure 'NO', I'm gonna kiss him tonight."
So, when everyone was gone, we sat at his kitchen table and talked about a looot of things. I don't even remember what they all were, but as he was starting to get a tad bit loopy, I decided I had to ask him something.
"I need to ask you something." I said.
"Ok, what is it?" He asked.
It took me a moment to find the right words to use, but this is what came out:
"What do you expect to come of you and me?"
He thought for a minute, then said "Well, a relationship would be nice. I mean, I think we're both smart enough that we wouldn't do anything that would prevent us from going."
My thoughts were somewhat of the same. We've both been praying about it a lot, but I'm still not quite sure if I want to get into anything before my mission. I really want to be able to focus all my efforts on preparing. I'm going to keep praying about it and see.
I told him that I'm really scared about getting into anything, just because I don't want to lose him completely, if, on the offchance, things don't work between us.
We talked til about 1:30 in the morning, then I was like "Dude, you need to go to bed."
So he walked me out to my car, and opened my door for me and then we kept talking. I started getting all shaky and nervous because that feeling came back. The feeling of wanting to kiss him.
At first I didn't do anything about it, but then I kept getting this feeling of "do it, do it, do it."
My lips were dry.
So I put on some lipgloss.
Then I told him I wanted another hug, which he most willingly gave, and he noticed I was all shaky and asked if I was shivering. I said no, and he commented on how badly I was shaking, and I just laughed about it and said "It's nothing. I'm just a little nervous."
"Nervous about what?" He asked.
I paused for a long time, then finally said "Nothing.."
I thought I was just going to chicken out. He asked again, to reaffirm, to which I agreed, but then he said:
"You didn't put on that lipgloss for nothing."
My eyes went wide, and I laughed, caught in the act.
He pulled back and looked at me, and smiled. "Are you going to give me my lesson?"
That had been a running joke between us for a while. If you've seen "Better Off Dead", you know the part where the main guy and the French exchange student are talking about her giving him lessons in the "Love language". They called it "Language Lessons." Brandon and Carrie, whenever we're with them, always are all over each other, so Fidget and I were like "We should just like, make out in front of them and see how they like it."
We never have, but when we first threw out that idea, as a joke, Fidget's first words were "I'm not very good though."
To which I responded: "I can teach you ;)"
So, that was a joke of ours, talking about language lessons.
"If you really want it." I replied shyly
"Yeah, I do."
"Ok." I smiled a little bit, and then he looked nervous.
"I'm really bad though..."
"You don't have to tell me." I cut him off, and he started shuffling around.
"I know. Sorry, I always make things like this awkward."
"Well, don't even worry about it, really." I said, and we both stared at each other for a moment. Then I put my hand around the back of his neck, and he wrapped his arms around me and we kissed.. :) it was somewhat short, but sweet. Once we had let go, we hugged again, and in the silence, he said quietly:
"You're amazing."
I don't know if he was talking about my kissing skills, or just me in general.. Haha
Anyway, we hugged for another while, and talked some more, then he swore he heard a bear or something, so he made me get in my car. But, he only gave me a hug good-bye, which I was actually really impressed with. I don't feel like he feels like he needs that physical contact ALL THE TIME like some people I know.
*cough cough* Ty...
I don't know, I just figure, I've been putting off dating and whatnot for another year because secretly I was just hoping that I could kind of write my own destiny, like not date anybody, then have Nick come home and we date and get married, happily ever after, cute. Whatever. With me going on a mision, he's going to be back for about a year before I'm back. He'll probably be married by then.
So, I've decided that it's time to stop deluding myself, and try to move on with life. If things work out for us, great. If they don't, oh well. I'm not worrying about it anymore.
I have more important, and more present things to worry about.
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