Pure Insanity

I thought it was bad enough that exactly a week from today, I broke up with my last boyfriend. No, it could get much worse than that.
After he had been the biggest coward and not dared show his face when I had to bring his stuff to him, or to even let me call him to break if off so I didn't feel like a weenie, he decided to text me last night and ask if we could "try and be friends" cuz he feels he's ready for that now, blah blah blah. As rude as it is, I'm just thinking, "and what about ME? Are you gonna bother asking whether I'M ready for that or not? Of course not."
I didn't actually say that, but I wanted to really bad. I said plenty of stuff that let him know how mad I am about it though. You know what, I'll just put the conversation on here. It kinda makes me seem like a jerk but I don't care.
Ex: Normal
Me: Green
Ex: did you wanna talk about everything? I don't want you to be unhappy with our past.

Me: I don't wanna talk about anything.

Ex: Hmmm.. it could really help... and maybe we can actually give being friends a try

Me: No offense, but I don't think you could handle it. You even said so yourself.

Ex: In all honesty, I feel now I can, I found a great place to be in, so I know I can. It'll be different, cuz my mannerisms will change and stuff. I can do it though.

Me: I don't know if I can.

Ex: It'll be different, but having you as a friend would be better than losing you completely.

Me: So you changed your mind since we talked a week ago, when you said that if we broke up, you didn't know if you could stand to be around me at all anymore?

Ex: Believe it or not, yes'm. 2 years is kinda hard to completely remove someone who was a huge part of it.

Me: I don't know...

Ex: It's up to you ma'am. My big problem is you thinking it was all for waste.

Me: I don't know what to think.

Ex: Not even a little?

Me: Not really.

Ex: That's ok i imagine.

Me: Ok? I've been going through hell for the last 6 days.

Ex: Hmm.. tell me about it.

Me: No

Ex: Very well, you don't gotta, but I sorta know how you feel.

Me: How?

Ex: :) you forget i'm pretty emotional. People keep asking me to do things that correlate to our past.

Me: Like what?

Ex: My friend made me watch phantom of the opera, and listen to guardian angel, and we had to go to pg today for him.

Me: Sad.

Ex: Haha just a little, my friends are making sure I'm never by myself so I don't get down, it's not terribly effective, you know?

Me: Not really, no. I'm not in school anymore and most of my friends have moved away.

Ex: Hmmm... I apologize, if you need to talk, you can talk to me, even if it's all about me, I don't want you all down.

Me: I've been doing fine.

Ex: I'm very glad ma'am!

Me: Thanks for the enthusiasm.

Ex: I'm trying to show you I can be a friend...

Me: Why?

Ex: Cuz I'm a good friend...

Me: K

Ex: Haha don't believe me?

Me: I have a hard time trusting you after last week.

Ex: You gotta try and see it from my perspective.

Me: What perspective? That you forced me to decide by myself and then didn't even have the guts to face me?

Ex: It wasn't my choice to choose, I didn't know what you wanted me to tell you. I also knew the whole time when you brought it up, you made your decision. Cuz it's what happened last time. Normally I would have saw you straight up, but I don't like going somewhere when I know it was gonna be a bad outcome on my part.

Me: Exactly, so who were you thinking more of?

Ex: Well my feelings.

Me: And I rest my case.

Ex: What was your case?

Me: That you were thinking of yourself.

Ex: Alright? I don't understand when you were trying to make that your case. In some instances, I was thinking about you as well, cuz my breakups can get nasty, and I can say some mean stuff if my buttons are pushed way to hard, and I didn't want that for you. Cuz no one deserves that.

Me: That's great. Thanks for being so considerate.

Ex: Keep venting, I'd like to know what else you think about it. I wasn't ready to hear anything then, but I'm ok to hear anything. I don't want you to think you wasted your time on me.

Me: I didn't say I wasted my time on you.

Ex: I know, I just don't want you thinking that.

Me: It's debatable.

Ex: About you wasting your time?
Me: About me thinking I wasted my time.
Ex: Harsh.
Me: I know, I've become somewhat of a b**** (except I actually spelled it out) to everybody the past few days.
Ex: It's reasonable. If I could, I'd go back and make it so you never knew me, if that'd make you feel better.

Me: That's quite an offer.

Ex: Well, I've never been a fan of you sad.

Me: I'm not sad.

Ex: Unhappy then.

Me: I'm fine.

Ex: Hmmm

Me: What?

Ex: I just kinda find that harder to believe, cuz you've never been like this in all the time I've known you.

Me: Shocked?

Ex: Haha just a tid bit.

Me: K

Ex: What else were you mad at?

Me: Were?

Ex: Still are mad at?

Me: A lot of things.

Ex: Like what?

Me: Don't worry about it.

Ex: No, let me have it. Tear me down.

Me: No thanks. You're asking for it.

Ex: Cuz it needs to be done.

Me: Well you don't get it.

Ex: I'm not doing it for my benefit whatsoever, it's for yours. I mean, how many ex's has told the other ex to tear them down? not very many.

Me: He wasn't exactly my ex, but Jeremy told me the same thing.

Ex: Well you're a lucky person :) so lets hear it.

Me: No.

Ex: You will want to in time I guess.

Me: I don't think so.

Ex: How would you resolve a situation like this if you were in my place?

Me: Idk, I'm not in your place. I'm in mine.

Ex: K, how do you wanna resolve it?

Me: I don't know.

Ex: Kinda a hard question.

Me: perhaps.

Ex: Hmmm... do you still not feel we could pull friends off?

Me: I don't know.

Ex: What's your biggest concern with it all?

Me: That I'm still pissed off at you.

Ex: Sad day, but it happens. I don't know how to make you feel better about it. Other than bugging you e're day of your life :) that was a joke.

Little bit of a back-story on that. "E're" was his way of saying "every" and he knew it annoyed me. That's why he did it, cuz he thought it was funny when i would correct him.

Me: If you bugged me EVERY day of my life, I would probably ignore you.

Ex: Haha and I wouldn't blame you, cuz I do that to people as well.

Me: I know.

Ex: :)

Me: What?

Ex: I was starting to think you had decided to put my past tendencies in the back of your mine.

Me: You've been on my mind every frickin day since I broke up with you.

Ex: Well, we got that in common at least.

Me: Yep.

Ex: I really do wanna help you though.

Me: How?

Ex: Any way within my power/reason.

Me: K

Ex: And how do I go about doing that?

Me: Idk

Ex: Toughy as well

Me: Yep. I'm not gonna give you any hints either, even if I did know how you could do it.

Ex: Then don't give me a hint. Just tell me :)

Me: No.

Ex: Awh... I need some form of hint though.

Me: No you don't. I gave you 2 years of hints.

Ex: But I don't what in what context to make this happen is.

Me: Well figure it out. You have a brain, I assume. Use it.

Ex: Yet again, harsh. It's very broad. Flowers don't seem like a smart idea, neither does ice cream, nor does coming up to talk to your while you're so mad... is it leaving you alone?

Me: Not quite.

Ex: But close.

Me: Not really.

Ex: Is it an apology?

Me: You're a genius.

Ex: Even though we're both at fault?

Me: Both at fault for what?

Ex: The bein rude to one another.

Me: Hm.

Ex: Yes'm?

Me: Nothing.

Ex: Very well, didn't I apologize once before though?

Me: Pfft, no.

Ex: I coulda sworn I apoligized for being an ass, and said you didn't deserve it.

Me: Oh yes.

Ex: :)

Me: What?

Ex: I'm glad you remembered, I thought you were going to say that didn't count.

Me: Well, I still don't think you realize the magnitude of what you did to me.

Ex: That's sorta how I feel about the situation as well

Me: What do you mean?

Ex: It's complicated, and it's not worth getting into, especially this late.

Me: You have my attention, you might as well tell me now.

Ex: I would, but I really really really am about to fall asleep, it's been a long long day.

Me: K

Ex: We'll pick this up at some point tomorrow, or not, depending on how you feel.

Me: K

Ex: Which isn't looking too great haha

Me: Your texts are awful long and your spelling quite accurate for you being as tired as you say.

Ex: Haha that's cuz the back of my brain feels awake, but the front and my eye balls are on the opposite side of the board, I also have spell check :)

Me: Hm. Well g'night.

Ex: Night.

I know I sound like the biggest jerk on the planet, but this is how he works every time. He never actually admits that it may be JUST HIM that's in the wrong for anything, which in this case i will admit he was right cuz I was being a wench, but this is always how it goes. When we were together, I would always be the first one to admit that I was wrong for anything, and anytime we fought, it would always be me who said sorry first, and my reasons for being upset would just be cast away as "I was just freaking out" "I didn't need to do that" I'm frickin sick of it. I'm sick of him seeming like such a charmer. I hate it! I'm losing my mind!