Touchy

So, I haven't written in a few weeks. 

Figure I probably should.

But the question is: what to write about? 

..........................

Oh, I think I got it.

So, if anybody remembers me mentioning Taylor in the "Involuntary Time Machine" post, here's more about him.  I'm gonna make one thing very clear though: I am never going to date this man.  Ever.  He is 26, happily married to one of the sweetest little ladies I've ever met, and they have 2 sons. However, he and I talk all the time, and he's been helping me get over my confidence issues.  Believe it or not, I have them very badly. I am not very strong in the sense of being in a really bad situation and being able to pull the good out of it.

Taylor is very good at that.  I've only ever seen him really mad about something maybe once, and i've never seen him depressed.  I can tell when he's stressed about something, but it never lasts very long.

So anyway, yeah, he and I have become good friends, and since I've been talking to him so much about how somehow I always let guys walk all over me, even though I hate it, I don't know what to do.  He's given me lots of good advice, and it's starting to show.  I've been saying so many things that I never would have even imagined myself saying 6 months ago :) 

For example: I've always been one to be really shady about my feelings towards guys because I don't want to directly hurt their feelings and be blunt.  I know that it's a really bad idea to do that, don't get me wrong, so usually I would avoid the subject altogether.  

Lately, that has changed.

Remember Nathan? 

There's been a lot going on with him.  He and his old friend were basically fighting over me even though I'm not interested in either of them in that way.  I never said it that bluntly though.  I was afraid of hurting them.  But, Nathan's friend started saying a bunch of things about Nathan that I knew weren't true, because both of them had taken to that: lying about the other to get me to pick sides.  So, I finally told both of them the truth.  The friend has stopped talking to me altogether.  I don't know if he ever will again, but frankly, I don't care.

Nathan on the other hand is being a little persistent.  He understands (or he says he does) that I will never feel anything more for him than friendship, so let's hope he was being serious.

Example #2: Again, with Nathan, he has this really annoying habit of saying something really rude, then apologizing for it, and blaming it on his "problem" that he's having right now.  I've pretty much had it up over my head with it.  Tonight, he randomly texted me at about 10, saying "goodnight I guess".

"Goodnight 'I guess'"? Who says something like that? Seriously?

So, I was pretty blunt.  I was like "really?" 

And then it's like 'ok, here come the excuses. Ready, set, go.'

Of course, then he says "well, I tried talking to you earlier but you weren't there and I needed someone to talk to that I could trust. Today has been kinda hard."

So I said "i'm sorry I wasn't here. I've been sleeping all day. I hope tomorrow is better, I know how that goes to have it be really hard."

Then he says "You wouldn't understand. Good night."

So then I was pissed off.

It's like, really? He just barely said "I needed someone to talk to that I can trust" and then turns around and says "You don't understand." which implies 'I don't trust you enough to tell you'.

Talk about hypocritical.  

So I told him off for it. Told him it was ridiculous that he said something like that, and that I wasn't going to put up with it.

So he said "Alright, so do it."

I said "Do what?"

"What you've wanted to do for a long time."

Meaning me leaving.

So I said "Leave? I will if you don't man up and start treating me like a lady instead of like dirt under your shoes.  I may be your friend, but I am a woman, and as both, I expect to be treated kindly and with respect. And don't you dare say 'well you don't respect me' because that's what a boy would say, not a man."

Let's just say I felt pretty dang proud of myself.  

I've never said anything like that to anybody before!

He had done exactly what I thought he would do before that too.  I was getting after him, and he said "i'm sorry, but it's going to get worse."  So I told him that wasn't gonna cut it.  I don't care what's going on that's so "hard", he can control himself and his words and if he can't show respect for other people, especially friends, and in particular, women, like me, I'm not going to keep contact with him, because I deserve better.

I'm done being walked on.

How's that for confidence?