Catching up

So, I'm not really sure what to do.

Well, I guess I am sure, like, I know what I need to do, but I'm still kind of in shock.

I was feeling tonight like I don't get a lot of support from my parents on certain things that I do, which I don't like, but I guess I just have to live with it, because that's life.  We do things people other people don't like. 

But I was talking to my mom about how I've felt like I have to live my life the way my parents want me to. As in like, EVERYTHING.

I wanted to pursue theater as a career as a kid.  My mom told me I shouldn't, even though it's something I really enjoy.  So, I didn't.  And I'm suffering for it now.  I missed out on plays in high school because I thought "well, I'm not pursuing this as a career, what's the point? it's a waste of my time."

I've been thinking about doing an apprenticeship for hair school, which I'm honestly surprised wasn't shot down because it's "too sparatic" when it comes to income.  

I don't care! I like doing it, gosh dang it!

I'd rather be poor doing something I love, than rich doing something I hate.

Happiness doesn't come from money.

End of story.

But anyway, the thing that's still leaving me in shock is that while we were still on the subject of my theater thing, and how I do it as a hobby, I was telling her how I like being able to step into someone else's shoes, because I can do it, and she kinda gave me this funny look, and I was like "what?"

This is what she said:

"I kind of didn't like your last character. I mean, I know you say she was your best, but really, I thought she was a bit forced..."

I mean, yeah, I know she was trying to be nice, but I really just wish she could have told me that sooner. It would have been a lot more helpful to have her say "well, maybe try doing it this way, or that way" and giving me help, rather than waiting till it's all over and done with and then saying "you didn't do very good"

I mean...really?

She said she "didn't know how to tell me".

I don't know. I'm not mad about it, persay. More just disappointed that she doesn't feel like she can talk to me and give me advice unless I ask for it.

So yeah. I have more to catch up on but I'll do that later.