I'm just a little too over you, because I have someone else

Wow, so, I have a lot to fill in on for the past little while.  

So, I think I mentioned how Nick has a girlfriend now,

which turns out he asked her to marry him.

No big deal.

So, anyway, I don't think I ever mentioned Ricky.

That cover name doesn't do his real name justice at all,

but I can live with it, because I get to use his real name

in real life.

So whatever.

Anyway, Ricky is probably one of the best guys I have

ever met in my whole life.

Ever since High School, I've always really admired and 

looked up to him, and thought of him as just a gem that any girl

would be so lucky to be able to call him hers, but I never saw

myself as being able to call him mine, because I thought he 

was way out of my league, because I wasn't

the perfect little Mormon girl who got her 

Young Womanhood Recognition when she was 14 or 

whatever, but I just always thought he was really awesome.

Anyway, so when I came home from my mission, 

he asked me to hang out, so of course I said yes!

We ended up watching Star Trek 2 together at his house, 

which was a lot of fun, and turns out he's a really big nerd too!

That kind of totally made my life.

Anyway, after Friday, he said he would be coming to my

Homecoming the next day, and then he asked me again

when I was leaving for Tennessee. 

Did I mention that? My family is moving to Tennessee.

Tomorrow, actually. 

Anyway, he asked me when I was leaving, and I said "Monday"

and he looked genuinely disappointed that I was leaving.

When he dropped me off, he gave me a huge hug

which I could have just melted over, and then of course, I saw him 

on Saturday, which was also great, although we didn't

get as much time to talk, although we agreed that he was 

going to come with me to church the next day, so I would 

see him 3 days in a row!  I seriously felt so lucky!

So, he came to church with me today, and afterward, he came over

to try to help me with something with my email, but we 

couldn't figure it out, which was annoying.

But, after that, he went home, and then I remembered

that I had forgotten to get a picture with him!

So, after we got back from my Grandma's house 

(where we had gone for dinner)

he came back over and we talked some more, 

and it was really weird, while he was here,

Nick called me...

It was seriously the weirdest thing. I answered the phone,

and there were a lot of awkward pauses, 

so I said "I'll call you back." 

So then I could finish talking with Ricky.

When it was time for him to leave, he hugged me once, 

and it was really long, and then we kept talking,

so then he hugged me again, and that one was really long too,

and then after that we kept talking, so then when he actually left,

I got another hug, so I got 3 hugs from him tonight!

And we're making plans already for the things 

we're going to do when I get back.

Am I a little wonderstruck?

Yes.

After I came inside from walking Ricky out to his car,

I decided I better call Nick back, because I would 

feel bad if I didn't keep my word.

So, I called him, and he said he just called me because

he felt like he should...? Whatever that means.

But anyway, we started talking, and I asked him how

he was doing with his girlfriend being gone on her mission,

and he was telling me about it and then he said

"This is really weird to be talking to you about this."

Which, I agreed, it was a little strange, but

I figure I can at least be his friend still.

I mean, it was really strange, we were talking about 

him and some other girl,

but for some reason, I felt completely and totally calm,

totally at peace with the way the situation had turned out.

I think I can say I'm legitimately completely over Nick.

Like, I didn't even have a pang of heartache while I was

talking to him about his girlfriend.

I feel like that's a major achievement on my part!

It was really weird, as much as he says he is, 

I don't think he's totally over me yet.

It's sad, and I almost told him that I have someone else,

but I figured that might be a little much, considering

he just "lost" his girlfriend to the MTC.

So, I figure I'll be his friend and maybe 

help him actually wait for her, and hopefully things

will work out between them.

Like, I legitimately hope that things for them work out.

I really do.

It's just nice to be able to have moved on, not just because

I have this amazing guy that I really like, but just

because I got over him by myself before I even came home.

First RM date... awkward!!!

So, just a little disclaimer,

my definition of a date is when two people of opposite genders

are together doing some kind of activity, doesn't matter

what it is, if they're doing it together, it's a date.

If they're not already married, that is.

Anyway.

So, Tuesday, Peter came over! 

I don't know if I had said this, but he and I had kind of "ended" 

our friendship back in 2012 because he started dating

some awful girl who really did him wrong.

But, that's beside the point.  

While I was on my mission, he wrote me, and said

he wants to be friends again! Yay!

When, I got home, he asked me if we could hang out, 

so he came over yesterday while I was packing.

Oh yeah, my family is moving across the country, btw.

After I was done packing up all my stuff, he wanted

to take me out somewhere, even though I was the one with the car.

So, we went to Cafe' Rio.  

I felt so bad, I kept doing all sorts of missionary things...

For example:

1. I almost opened the door for myself and for him.
2. I was using my "mission manners" while we were there.
3. I kept checking my watch.
4. I started to get a little antsy when we had been there
for over an hour...

Yeah, it was a little embarrassing.

Luckily, he's a good friend and didn't give me 

too much of a hard time about it.

The weirdest thing though, was how when we first

got there, I literally started freaking out inside

that I was by myself with a guy... 

I didn't say anything about it, 

but I was kind of having a mini-panic attack inside.

But, I'm glad I had this one to kind of "practice" with,

because I'm going on a "date" with someone I actually

really like on Friday, and I really hope that one

doesn't turn out super awkward... 

Missing the Mission

Well, I guess to start off, I'm back!

I'll write more about my mission experiences as I go along.

I just have to do some fill-in on the craziness

that's happened in the past 9 months.

So, y'all remember "Nick"? 

I wrote him for his whole mission, and he wrote me

for the first half of mine,

then for some reason, after he got home, he just

kinda disappeared, and I didn't know

what happened to him.  

All I knew was that I was really worried

about what was going on.

It became really distracting from my work, and I would

try to get in contact with him all the time, 

but to no avail.  He hardly ever responded.

At one point, I even asked my Mission President for advice 

on what to do, because I was having a really hard time with it.

And don't judge and say "You were just so focused on him,

you should have just focused on your mission."

Here's the thing: if I knew what was going on,

whether it was good or bad, I would have been fine.

The fact that I didn't know was the thing that killed me.

He advised me to send "Nick" an email,

so I did, asking him where we were, whether we were still on

or whether it was off. 

He responded by sending me a letter saying

"Sister Hansen, you really need to stop thinking about me

and focus on your mission."

Of course, after that, I was really upset, and so the next week

I told him - tactfully - to stop writing me.

I didn't hear from him for about 4 months after that, 

when he wrote me a really random letter, and I almost thought

that things between me and him might improve,

but after that I didn't hear from him anymore,

that is, until I got home last week.

I called him, just to see what he was up to,

and I heard from my parents that he had posted a picture 

of him and some other girl on Facebook.

Was I surprised?

Not really.

But kind of a little.

He and I had a good conversation, but he was being 

pretty shady, which was weird.  He said

he'd call me in a few days, so I said fine,

and I waited a few days, and finally I texted him and 

he ended up calling me.  He asked me how my Sunday was

and I told him, then I asked the same question,

and he said it was good.

He'd had to work, then he drove up the canyon,

and I made a guess and asked him if he'd gone with 

his girlfriend, and he said yes.

Then he went into this big whole thing apologizing for

not telling me and trying to give me "reasons" for 

why he had never told me about her.

I kept my cool the whole time we were on the phone,

even though it kind of felt like a knife-twist again.

He told me he was sorry for hurting me like that,

and I told him that I had gotten over him back in 

February, which is true,

but it really hurt to hear him actually say

"I don't love you anymore."

That one kind of stung...

But, I'm so grateful that this happened after my 

coming home from my mission, because

there are so many things I learned there, that I know

I wouldn't have learned anywhere else.

One of those things is that as long as I keep praying and

relying on my Savior, I can overcome anything, 

including heartbreak.

I sincerely wish for everything to go well for "Nick" and 

his girlfriend, because if it's meant for them to be together,

then it's meant to be. 

I can live with that.