Missing the Mission

Well, I guess to start off, I'm back!

I'll write more about my mission experiences as I go along.

I just have to do some fill-in on the craziness

that's happened in the past 9 months.

So, y'all remember "Nick"? 

I wrote him for his whole mission, and he wrote me

for the first half of mine,

then for some reason, after he got home, he just

kinda disappeared, and I didn't know

what happened to him.  

All I knew was that I was really worried

about what was going on.

It became really distracting from my work, and I would

try to get in contact with him all the time, 

but to no avail.  He hardly ever responded.

At one point, I even asked my Mission President for advice 

on what to do, because I was having a really hard time with it.

And don't judge and say "You were just so focused on him,

you should have just focused on your mission."

Here's the thing: if I knew what was going on,

whether it was good or bad, I would have been fine.

The fact that I didn't know was the thing that killed me.

He advised me to send "Nick" an email,

so I did, asking him where we were, whether we were still on

or whether it was off. 

He responded by sending me a letter saying

"Sister Hansen, you really need to stop thinking about me

and focus on your mission."

Of course, after that, I was really upset, and so the next week

I told him - tactfully - to stop writing me.

I didn't hear from him for about 4 months after that, 

when he wrote me a really random letter, and I almost thought

that things between me and him might improve,

but after that I didn't hear from him anymore,

that is, until I got home last week.

I called him, just to see what he was up to,

and I heard from my parents that he had posted a picture 

of him and some other girl on Facebook.

Was I surprised?

Not really.

But kind of a little.

He and I had a good conversation, but he was being 

pretty shady, which was weird.  He said

he'd call me in a few days, so I said fine,

and I waited a few days, and finally I texted him and 

he ended up calling me.  He asked me how my Sunday was

and I told him, then I asked the same question,

and he said it was good.

He'd had to work, then he drove up the canyon,

and I made a guess and asked him if he'd gone with 

his girlfriend, and he said yes.

Then he went into this big whole thing apologizing for

not telling me and trying to give me "reasons" for 

why he had never told me about her.

I kept my cool the whole time we were on the phone,

even though it kind of felt like a knife-twist again.

He told me he was sorry for hurting me like that,

and I told him that I had gotten over him back in 

February, which is true,

but it really hurt to hear him actually say

"I don't love you anymore."

That one kind of stung...

But, I'm so grateful that this happened after my 

coming home from my mission, because

there are so many things I learned there, that I know

I wouldn't have learned anywhere else.

One of those things is that as long as I keep praying and

relying on my Savior, I can overcome anything, 

including heartbreak.

I sincerely wish for everything to go well for "Nick" and 

his girlfriend, because if it's meant for them to be together,

then it's meant to be. 

I can live with that.