Catching Up Post #4

So, for the most part, over the past while,

most of my posts have been made while I've been 

on my phone, so I apologize for the 

inconsistency in the spacing and such.

I can't center the text on a cellphone.

But! Anyway!

This post is nothing but happy!

I already told the story of how I kissed Cade 

about a week ago, and how he'd taken it

remarkably well. 

So, long story short, two days later, we said
"Ok, yeah, let's make this official." 

So, he's my boyfriend now!!!

Fina-freakin-lly!!!

This is pretty much the last catch-up post

I need to do.  I think.

I know though, with all the other guys 

I've been dating recently, I really

got myself into some hot water here.

But, I'm not worrying about it for now.

We're young adults.

We date.

Sometimes we date a lot of people,

but when we decide on one, 

that's that.

I don't think I led any of them on, either.

I never was like "Oh yeah, I really like you."

I think I did a pretty good job at really 

keeping them all at arm's length

up until now, when I can just forget about 

all of them.

Because I'm very happy with my decision,

and I haven't done anything out-of-line,

so I feel like I can just move on with life.

With Cade.

:) 

I like this.

He does too, actually. A lot.

It's so weird to think about how far I've come

in the past 5 years.  5 1/2, technically.

And even if things don't work out with Cade, 

I think I have the skills I need to be able

to pick up and move on with life, 

instead of becoming a total train-wreck.

Yep. Life is good.

Catching Up Post #3

So, last post I had just revealed my Bishop's counsel to kiss Cade.
Here's how that went.
It was a Thursday. I had just finished a meeting at work, and Cade asked me to come up and hang out at his house. I knew that I was going to have to kiss him, so the whole time I was there, I was especially jittery, nervous, and giddy all at the same time. I was with him for 7 hours, the whole time wondering about how I was going to pull it off without it being totally awkward.
When it was time for me to go, Cade walked me out. Normally, he just walks me out to the porch, we talk for a little bit, and we part ways from there. This time, he walked me all the way out to my car. We stood by my car, talking, and I knew that the time was now or never. So, in the middle of our conversation, I said
"Cade, there's something I need to give you."
He was confused, thinking I had something else from Tennessee to give him. He said "ok, what is it?"
Scrambling, I said "you have to close your eyes."
He smirked, chuckled slightly, and closed his eyes. I said "are you ready for this?"
Again, confused, he said "I think so." He was smiling, but his teeth were showing. I was thinking 'there's no way I'm kissing him with his mouth open. Freak. How do I fix this?'
Then I got an idea.
I placed my hands on either side of his face, just below his jaw, subliminally letting him know that this was about to happen. Then I said, "are you sure you're ready for this?"
He said nothing. But, he closed his mouth! Mission accomplished! So, naturally, I leaned up on my toes and kissed him. It was short, but when we parted, he said "wow." I began to shake uncontrollably, as is the norm when I first kiss a guy. Cade laughed, but gave me a huge hug. He told me he hoped I wasn't feeling afraid of him, to which I said "nope, not at all. I was just really nervous."
So, as of then, Cade officially lost his virgin lips. He was pretty ok with that.

Catching Up Post #2

Back to the trip. When it was over, Cade volunteered to pick me up from the airport, and when I landed, he was making my phone ring off the hook because he was so excited to see me, he couldn't stand it.
When we got back to my house from the airport, we were just talking and he wouldn't let me get out of arm's reach, which I thought was rather adorable. If I walked too far for him to reach me, he'd follow me until he could put his arm around me again. Grandma thought that was hilariously cute. I did too. When he was leaving, I told him that I remembered he said something would be different, so I said "what's different?" And he basically said that he needed one more day to solidify, but he said he thought he was pretty much ready for a committed relationship. We said goodnight after that, and I went to bed. I should have been ecstatic, what with him suddenly feeling ready to commit! Right?
Nope. I panicked.
I completely panicked.
I woke up the next morning, and I could remember I was thinking about him, but my heart was pounding so fast, and it wasn't a good kind of pounding. I had a feeling of utter dread and terror.
I was confused about it because if that was a sign from God that the relationship wasn't right and I needed to get out of it, why had He been pushing me to stay in the relationship for so long? It didn't add up to me, so I was debating what to do. I was praying in my heart about it, and I had this feeling I should go see my bishop. So, I set up a meeting, and I was going to be visiting with him that night.
That whole day at work, I was jittery and irritable, so I was glad when I got to go home and go directly to my church building.
When I got there, the Bishop welcomed me in, and I told him my dilemma. He asked me some questions about the relationship, and about Cade, to which I answered honestly, and the answers were all in favor of Cade. Then he asked me a very important question.
"Have you kissed him?"
And I said "no.. not really. We had to kiss on the kiss-cam at BYU, but that's the only time." The bishop told me that didn't count, which I agreed with. Bishop asked me some more questions, and then he sat, pondering for a moment, and then he said,
"Ok, I think - and I can't believe I'm telling you this - that you need to, to put it frankly, plant one on him."
My brow furrowed.
"You mean KISS him??" I asked, dumbfounded.
"Yeah. That's what I mean."
We laughed for a solid 5 minutes about that, because honestly, what bishop ever tells two young adults that they need to be kissing? I'd never heard of that before. But, I agreed, and said I would do my part. I had a good feeling about it, and when I got home, I prayed for confirmation of the instruction I was given.
It was a "duh" answer.
So, there was my next quest: to kiss this boy I had sworn I wouldn't kiss until he put a ring on my finger. More of that next time.

Catching Up Post #1

So, going back like, 3 weeks ago, I was leaving to go to Tennessee to visit my parents.  Before I left, it was my last Sunday, and I was so ticked at Cade because he still was dragging his feet, and was pretty consistently flaking out on me. He showed up at my house unexpectedly, so we sat in the kitchen for a while and talked. During said talk, I opened up about my feelings of frustration concerning his lack of ability to commit. I felt bad even saying it, even though it had to be said, so I freaking started crying while I was talking. And then he started crying, so then it was just a big cry-fest.
He did say though, that he felt he didn't quite understand just how hard it was for me to be in the "limbo" phase - dating other guys, but having my heart completely set on Cade - so he said that after me saying it, and crying, that he understood it a lot more. And now that he knew what the problem was, he went into "fix-it" mode.
"Ok, when you get back, things are going to be different." So I was like "alright", and that was basically our good-bye.
It was incredible though, while I was on my trip, he was so attentive and would talk to me all the time, even though he was 5 hours behind me. (He and his family went to Hawaii while I was gone.) I was thoroughly impressed by his extra efforts to stay in touch.
I'll take a break here until the next post. I have a lot to catch up on.