Geez, tonight was a mix of the worst and best night ever.
It started off as the worst, because my family and I were just going down to Macey's to get treats for FHE (Family Home Evening, for those of you who may not know) and right as we were walking in the store, I see three very familiar people coming out of the store.
Ty's mom, sister, and brother.
I made eye contact with his sister and I think my face probably turned white. I suddenly felt light-headed and nauseous. I could tell she was still glaring at me, even when I looked at the floor, and I heard his mom say very quietly "look, it's Grace."
I felt even more nauseous and walked with my family though I desperately wanted to run. I stayed in the store with them, and got a Mt. Dew instead of candy, but I had completely lost my appetite. We were leaving the store, when my brother remembered he still had to put his paycheck in the bank before going to walmart, so I stayed with him, but I was still feeling sooo crappy. I was texting that one guy at the time as well. I'm gonna call him Nick. So anyway, he asked me if I wanted to meet somewhere and talk about it, and I asked if he intended to drive down to Macey's and get me. He said that's exactly what he intended to do. So, my brother waited with me until he got there, then he parked his car in the parking lot and we talked for a bit. When I was talking, basically just spilling everything about how I was feeling, I started to get teary-eyed, but I swallowed hard and blinked whatever salty assassins were in my eyes back into my brain. I asked him if we could go somewhere, and he said "alright" and we drove to a park somewhat close by. A park me and Ty had walked to a couple times. I said I didn't mind being there, which was true, and we sat and talked more about everything. I didn't have that much to say. Most of it was in my head. He asked me eventually what I was thinking about, and I had told him it had been a pretty crappy day altogether. I'll make a list.
He and I were supposed to work together today, but he left half an hour after the shift started.
I got in "trouble" at work because I haven't been getting my head wet while teaching swim lessons.
I spent almost the whole day at work.
I saw Ty's family.
All in all, it was kind of a bad day.
I didn't tell him the list, but - I'm not sure this was a mistake telling him this, but I don't feel like it was - I told him that I realized how little time is left before he leaves, and how I know it's gonna be hard. Really hard.
While I was saying this, he was looking at the stick-on nails I have on my fingernails, and I told him I'd switched them from the ones I'd had earlier. He said he'd noticed, and I told him I had ones on my toenails too. Then I laughed and said "yeah, I'm a barbie."
When I looked back at him, he was just looking at me and was kinda stroking my chin, then he smiled and said "you're so beautiful."
Me, being the bashful person I am, looked down at my hands and said "oh gosh.." then he brought my face back up to look at him.
"What? I can't just tell you that?" He said with a teasing smile.
"You can, I just can't help it if I blush." I admitted.
"I can't see it if you blush anyway." He shrugged.
"Well, that's me anyway. I'm bashful." I said, smirking, then he leaned in and gently kissed me. We were still in his car, and we heard a light rain falling outside the windows.
We both commented on the rain, and he asked if I wanted to go outside the car and sit in the rain. I said "sure." so we went and sat on the curb by his car, and he asked me to tell him how my day was, and I told him about how it was kinda crappy.
I can't remember what he was saying, but he was saying something along the lines of understanding how I felt, and I started to get really teary-eyed again, whenever I looked at him, counting the times I'd get to look at his face before he was gone. I looked away from him and took several very deep breaths with my eyes shut to try and regain my composure.
When I opened my eyes, he was leaning forward, looking at me.
"You ok?" He asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I lied, and he turned my face to his again.
"Hey, look at me. Everything's gonna be ok. I promise." He said sincerely, and the lump I'd been trying to swallow clogged my throat again, and my eyes welled up. I tried to turn away from him but he took me in his arms, holding me against him as all my emotion spilled out.
I cried out of fear, mostly, I think. When he leaves, I'm gonna be all but alone.
Fear, and self-pity probably.
I buried my face into his shirt, crying harder than I had in front of anyone in a very long time. When I pulled away, he said "you're ok. It's ok." over and over as he ran his thumbs under my eyes. I told him what I was feeling about being alone, and how I hated it so much. I've never felt so lonely in my whole life, and I feel like I've been left behind by all my friends who are in college now, when that's where I could be as well.
I wasn't looking at him when I told him this, and he turned my face to his again.
"Look at me." He said, but I was feeling self-conscious and was stubborn. "Come on, look right into my eyes." He insisted, and I did. "You're never alone."
Just that phrase brought on a whole 'nother wave of emotion, because I knew he was right. He took a few minutes telling me about how he finally found God and knew what it was like to be alone, but he feels so much better about himself, and about everything now, and while I my eyes were still all watery, but my breathing had finally slowed, he kissed me. The most gentle, caring, softest kiss I've ever been given. It quite literally "took my breath away."
After I'd finally calmed down, he made a comment about how letting out feelings like that to somebody can be very helpful, and I admitted to him about how I hadn't showed anyone that side of me for a really long time, and he said "that means you're opening up to me. That's good."
All this while, he had my face cupped in his hands.
"Thank you." He said with the sweetest smile on his face, and I fell into his arms again.
"Why are you so dang sweet?" I asked, and we sat there and hugged on the curb, as easy as that is, for a moment.
He asked me if I wanted to go on a short walk and I said "sure", so we walked around the park, and saw a couple people up top of the slide, like, making out...It was gross.
So then we walked back to his car, and got in, and he drove me home. When we got to my house, he walked me up to the porch, gave me a hug, and a short sweet kiss good-bye, then I went inside.
It started off as the worst, because my family and I were just going down to Macey's to get treats for FHE (Family Home Evening, for those of you who may not know) and right as we were walking in the store, I see three very familiar people coming out of the store.
Ty's mom, sister, and brother.
I made eye contact with his sister and I think my face probably turned white. I suddenly felt light-headed and nauseous. I could tell she was still glaring at me, even when I looked at the floor, and I heard his mom say very quietly "look, it's Grace."
I felt even more nauseous and walked with my family though I desperately wanted to run. I stayed in the store with them, and got a Mt. Dew instead of candy, but I had completely lost my appetite. We were leaving the store, when my brother remembered he still had to put his paycheck in the bank before going to walmart, so I stayed with him, but I was still feeling sooo crappy. I was texting that one guy at the time as well. I'm gonna call him Nick. So anyway, he asked me if I wanted to meet somewhere and talk about it, and I asked if he intended to drive down to Macey's and get me. He said that's exactly what he intended to do. So, my brother waited with me until he got there, then he parked his car in the parking lot and we talked for a bit. When I was talking, basically just spilling everything about how I was feeling, I started to get teary-eyed, but I swallowed hard and blinked whatever salty assassins were in my eyes back into my brain. I asked him if we could go somewhere, and he said "alright" and we drove to a park somewhat close by. A park me and Ty had walked to a couple times. I said I didn't mind being there, which was true, and we sat and talked more about everything. I didn't have that much to say. Most of it was in my head. He asked me eventually what I was thinking about, and I had told him it had been a pretty crappy day altogether. I'll make a list.
He and I were supposed to work together today, but he left half an hour after the shift started.
I got in "trouble" at work because I haven't been getting my head wet while teaching swim lessons.
I spent almost the whole day at work.
I saw Ty's family.
All in all, it was kind of a bad day.
I didn't tell him the list, but - I'm not sure this was a mistake telling him this, but I don't feel like it was - I told him that I realized how little time is left before he leaves, and how I know it's gonna be hard. Really hard.
While I was saying this, he was looking at the stick-on nails I have on my fingernails, and I told him I'd switched them from the ones I'd had earlier. He said he'd noticed, and I told him I had ones on my toenails too. Then I laughed and said "yeah, I'm a barbie."
When I looked back at him, he was just looking at me and was kinda stroking my chin, then he smiled and said "you're so beautiful."
Me, being the bashful person I am, looked down at my hands and said "oh gosh.." then he brought my face back up to look at him.
"What? I can't just tell you that?" He said with a teasing smile.
"You can, I just can't help it if I blush." I admitted.
"I can't see it if you blush anyway." He shrugged.
"Well, that's me anyway. I'm bashful." I said, smirking, then he leaned in and gently kissed me. We were still in his car, and we heard a light rain falling outside the windows.
We both commented on the rain, and he asked if I wanted to go outside the car and sit in the rain. I said "sure." so we went and sat on the curb by his car, and he asked me to tell him how my day was, and I told him about how it was kinda crappy.
I can't remember what he was saying, but he was saying something along the lines of understanding how I felt, and I started to get really teary-eyed again, whenever I looked at him, counting the times I'd get to look at his face before he was gone. I looked away from him and took several very deep breaths with my eyes shut to try and regain my composure.
When I opened my eyes, he was leaning forward, looking at me.
"You ok?" He asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I lied, and he turned my face to his again.
"Hey, look at me. Everything's gonna be ok. I promise." He said sincerely, and the lump I'd been trying to swallow clogged my throat again, and my eyes welled up. I tried to turn away from him but he took me in his arms, holding me against him as all my emotion spilled out.
I cried out of fear, mostly, I think. When he leaves, I'm gonna be all but alone.
Fear, and self-pity probably.
I buried my face into his shirt, crying harder than I had in front of anyone in a very long time. When I pulled away, he said "you're ok. It's ok." over and over as he ran his thumbs under my eyes. I told him what I was feeling about being alone, and how I hated it so much. I've never felt so lonely in my whole life, and I feel like I've been left behind by all my friends who are in college now, when that's where I could be as well.
I wasn't looking at him when I told him this, and he turned my face to his again.
"Look at me." He said, but I was feeling self-conscious and was stubborn. "Come on, look right into my eyes." He insisted, and I did. "You're never alone."
Just that phrase brought on a whole 'nother wave of emotion, because I knew he was right. He took a few minutes telling me about how he finally found God and knew what it was like to be alone, but he feels so much better about himself, and about everything now, and while I my eyes were still all watery, but my breathing had finally slowed, he kissed me. The most gentle, caring, softest kiss I've ever been given. It quite literally "took my breath away."
After I'd finally calmed down, he made a comment about how letting out feelings like that to somebody can be very helpful, and I admitted to him about how I hadn't showed anyone that side of me for a really long time, and he said "that means you're opening up to me. That's good."
All this while, he had my face cupped in his hands.
"Thank you." He said with the sweetest smile on his face, and I fell into his arms again.
"Why are you so dang sweet?" I asked, and we sat there and hugged on the curb, as easy as that is, for a moment.
He asked me if I wanted to go on a short walk and I said "sure", so we walked around the park, and saw a couple people up top of the slide, like, making out...It was gross.
So then we walked back to his car, and got in, and he drove me home. When we got to my house, he walked me up to the porch, gave me a hug, and a short sweet kiss good-bye, then I went inside.
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