Frick

It's been almost a year,

and I'm still not even close to over Ty.

What is wrong with me??

Maybe it's the fact that I'm still

friends with his sisters on FB?

Maybe it's because I drive past his house 

all the time, although I gave up the 

watching his house to see if he's there.

Don't worry.

Uuuugh, I just want him to be gone! Gone,

on his mission, away from me, out of my life,

and don't bother me ANYMORE!

I want to move on.

I don't want to hold onto this forever, but that's

exactly what's happening, and I don't know

how to stop it.

I still think about talking to him sometimes.

I wonder what it'd be like.

I don't know.

I kind of just want to die, and not have to deal

with it anymore. 

I want to run.

I want to get away.

I can kind of see why he debated moving to

California with his dad in October.

He was running from me.

Now I'm running from him, but to him at the

same time... Go figure.

My grandma tells me she's so proud of me now

and the "good things I'm doing"

which is great, I am making a lot of good decisions

from what I can see right now.

But I still hurt so much, and I ache for that feeling

of love I used to get from him.

I always wonder if he'll invite me to his mission farewell.

Would I be able to handle it?

I would want to go and show my support, but being 

that many people, AND him...

Oh my gosh, I'm rambling.

I need to stop.

Ok.