I hope I have enough pennies

Ok, so for the past forever and a half,

 I've been sooooo tempted to try to talk to Ty.

Dumbest idea ever!

But I seriously can't help it!

It's like a parasite that's taking over my entire being! 

I have no idea why, but I just feel this urge to ask how he's doing, 

what he's up to, 

things like that.

 But he's perfectly fine without me.  

And I'm trying to be perfectly fine without him.

But it's not working...

Gah!

Like, last Friday he got his wisdom teeth out, 

which, as soon as I saw that,

I have no idea why but I randomly started bawling...

Probably because he was there when I got mine out,

and we would always talk about what it'd be like

when he got his out.

You know what I mean?

So it was a major "I miss you" moment.

Then it happened again today.

Apparently he actually swelled up and has to take Lortab,

which means he isn't as immune to pain as he always claimed.

After leaving him a graduation gift, 

I kinda sorta want to leave him something again.

But that's a really bad idea.

But then why is it consuming me?

Why is my need to see him so strong that every day

when I'm driving home from work, I HAVE to

drive by his house or I go crazy?

I've never even seen him when I drive by,

this doesn't make sense!

It's so dumb.

He told me in February, when we decided to

never get back together,

that it would be painful to talk to me or see me again.

That's basically the only thing holding me back.

I don't want to hurt him.

Ugh...

Would it be crazy if I asked to see him one more time 

before he leaves on his mission?

I need actual feedback on this one... so, anyone out there

who knows how to get here and reads this, 

penny for your thoughts?