Takes one to take offense. Takes two to fight.

Well, tonight was quite the night.

Had my first real fight with Fidget. 

And I will just say it now, I'm glad I already broke

up with him, because if i hadn't on Monday, I would 

have tonight.

Definitely.

Since we "broke up" I've tried to keep in contact, 

you know, let him know that I still care about what 

he's up to. But it seems every time I tried, he got more and

more distant and reluctant to talk to me.

So then today, I was asking him if he went to see the Hobbit,

and he said yes, so I was like "Dang it, everyone is 

seeing it before me!"

and he was like

"well then go see it."

And I said "I can't, I have other things I have to do."

And his response was "Then stop complaining."

I mean, really?

Rude.

I tried to overlook it though, but earlier he posted about

the Hobbit on his Facebook, and was like "it brought me back

to childhood."

Every time I talked to him, Harry Potter was always his childhood movie.

So that kind of pissed me off.

Joking, I said "Hey, Lord of the Rings was MY childhood, not yours :P lol"

but his response was still super defensive.  This is basically how the 

conversation went, and how the fight started.

Fidget: Excuse me, I have many childhood memories and I don't need you telling me what mine were.

 

Me: Pardon, how many times did I hear "Harry Potter was my thing, it was what I grew up with"? Like, a gazillion.

Fidget: And I don't think I ever mentioned that I loved Lord of the Rings (Harry Potter is better still for me) and I did grow up on Lord of the Rings. So it is also MY thing.

Me: Nope. Not so.

  Fidget: K whatever, this is stupid. Lord of the Rings is good, but I love Harry Potter more. But I did grow up on Lord of the Rings and I don't need you telling me that I didn't.

This was when I got off the comments and messaged him.

Me: Dude, what the heck is your deal.

Fidget: What is yours?

Me: I'm not even being serious, I'm joking around. Will you stop being so defensive?

Fidget: I don't know sarcasm through computers Grace.

or texting.

Me: bull. we've had conversations like this over text and FB several times and you've never acted like this before.

Fidget: don't bull me. I do not appreciate the way I have been treated over the last like week. So I am getting pretty defensive.

I am getting treated like I am stupid, don't matter any time I say anything, etc. It is pretty much making me defensive.

Me: have i been treating you like that?

Fidget: A little bit yes. I have been treated like I am stupid any time I say anything- your roll your eyes and you treat me like I just said the stupidest thing ever. That is a huge pet peeve of mine so I get pretty defensive.

Me: dude, the last time i saw you in the last week was yesterday.

Fidget: Talking too, through text and even when we were dating. I let it slide a lot of the time...

because I didn't want a fight...

Me: we were never officially dating. you never asked me.

Fidget: K well kissing, snuggling and holding hands means nothing I guess...it doesn't always have to be a question, its actions too.

When he said that, it was pretty obvious to me that he never had any intention of ever actually asking me to be his girlfriend. It was all just words to him. Empty promises. But I figured I should be the bigger person and not be like "Well YOU did this and this and this, and I didn't like it, blah blah blah."

Me: Do you think it was easy for me to tell you what I told you on Monday?

It wasn't easy at all. It was a really hard thing for me to do, because all of that stuff really meant a lot.

Fidget: I know it meant a lot to me too, which is why I needed some friends over all day MOnday and Tuesday. I have been depressed all week because of it. Which might also be why I am defensive.

Me: Yeah, I've been struggling too. You're not the only one.

Fidget: I know that, but then it hurts more when you are texting me all the time.

Me: do you want me to leave you alone? you said you didn't want this to be awkward.

Fidget: I didn't...it just hurts...you know?

Me: yeah, i do. very much so.

Fidget: I have felt sick to my stomach all this week. I probably would have taken it better if I had gotten a LOT more sleep and if editing wasn't killing me and causing more problems.

I was only half "listening" to what he said, because I didn't care to hear about how difficult of a time he's having, and so he always has to have friends around, etc etc. Ty did the exact same thing.

Me: yeah, I didn't want to tell you on Monday because you had so many other things on your mind, but then you guessed it anyway.

Fidget: I know...i know when something is wrong or perhaps I know you too well. Let's just say this fight never happened? I am still very sleep deprived...I had a stupid meeting this morning at 5:50 AM until 9 AM and I didn't get home from the Hobbit until like 3 last night...and then sleep overs with Brady (we pulled two all nighters, huh...haha) and so I have gotten zero sleep for the last two weeks. I am dying...literally. haha

To be totally honest, I don't care what he's been doing to himself, why he's "dying." If he's not nice to me, I'm not gonna be nice back. 

Me: I'll try to pretend it never happened, cuz you've been kind of a jerk today.

Fidget: well you haven't been the easiest person to get along with either, not just me. takes two to make a fight.

Me: takes one to take offense.

Fidget: k you know what this is really dumb. just forget it. this fight did happen, I am trying to be the Christ like person here and then you go off saying I am a jerk so I have to get defensive again.

your never wrong anyways, your as stubborn as a mule, especially the whole Peter thing just proves that point.

The whole "I'm trying to be Christ-like" thing is exactly what his sister would say. I wonder where she gets it... I had to try sooo hard to not just explode at him. All I managed was:

Me: thanks.

Fidget: ya, thanks for calling me a jerk too.

your welcome.

 That one stabbed pretty deep too, because I'd told him that the "You're welcome" phrase at the end of a fight or a really good stab at someone is something I'm always tempted to do, but I never do it.

And this is why.

It killed me when he said it.

Because it basically says "I'm not sorry for what I said, you can go die."

He got off of Facebook after that, and I texted him and said "Do you really want to end on that note?"

We had another long talk and he just said he needs time to cool down, and I do too, obviously. Not so much because of things I said, but mostly I just need time to stop feeling like I want to curl up and die because of the things he said.

I mean, my walls are back up.

That did it.

Hopefully he'll never ask about it, because I won't tell him.

And more than obviously, I will never marry him.

Because, as I discovered tonight: if a man doesn't have enough self restraint to keep himself from saying something to deliberately hurt me, I'm not going to stay with him.

You can keep yourself from saying hurtful things.  

It's hard, but I do it.

If I had said half of the things that were on the tip of my tongue tonight, he would probably never speak to me again.

If I can do it, so can he, but if he's not even going to try, and just say "that's just what I do when I get in a fight" then I sure as heck am not going to waste my breath on even debating whether I would let him lead me to the altar or not.