Tuesday, November 8, 2011

As Promised

So, I said on Facebook that I was going to post about what happened that made me kind of freak out about falling in love. Because, I'll openly admit, I'm afraid of falling in love again.
The reason why?
In my second letter from Nick, I hadn't really expected it, but close to the bottom of the first page, he said the "L" word, and not in just a 'friend' type way, but like, in a ROMANTIC way.
How it was worded was "I L you and I miss you so much! I should've told you before I left.. I was going to, but then I didn't..."
Pretty much left me in utter shock.
I had no idea how to respond to that! I still don't!
Yeah, I know, I feel the same way, but I don't want to tell him! At least not until he gets home... and maybe not even then, because, as I was thinking about it, I'd rather have him be my best friend for my whole life, than a love interest that doesn't work out and I never speak to again.
Because that would SUCK!!!
So, yeah, I spent Sunday trying to figure out how to write my letter and tell him to stop thinking about me and focus on his mission, and through most of it I was choking back tears.. stupid.
It's like before he left, I hate having to be the one to set the boundaries!

Maaaaybe it's just the whole him being in the MTC, he hasn't really started his mission yet, and once he gets to Washington D.C., he'll figure it out.
I hope he does.
Because in my final draft of my letter, which was the 3rd one, I told him that if he doesn't start focusing more on his mission than me, because it's semi-evident in his letters that he doesn't, that I'll have to stop writing to him for a while... :(
I hate having to say that, but what else can I DO?
Ugh...
Missionaries...

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