Wedding songs!

So, I put together the playlist for Carrie and Brandon's wedding,

and I think it's super cute.

The intro, when they're gonna be doing the line and everything, 

is gonna have an assortment of these songs:

Broken Road - Rascal Flatts

Everything - Lifehouse

Kiss me Slowly - Parachute

A Thousand Years - Christina Perri (PianoGuys cover)

Your Guardian Angel - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

When You Say You Love Me - Josh Groban

Long Live - Taylor Swift

Can't Take My Eyes Off You - Lady Antebellum

Faithfully - Journey

What Makes You Beautiful - One Direction (PianoGuys cover)

I Love You Forever - Two Steps From Hell

Without You - David Guetta ft. Usher (PianoGuys cover)

Can't Help Falling in Love - Elvis Presley

Unforgettable - Nat & Natalie Cole

After that, they're probably gonna do the cutting of the cake, etc etc.

Then, there's gonna be a dance just for the girls

Single Ladies - Beyonce'

Then the dance for just the guys

Sexy and I know it - LMFAO

Then the money dance 

Every Time We Touch - Cascada

Then the dance with Brandon and his mom 

undecided

Then Carrie and her dad

Open Arms - Journey

Then Carrie and Brandon's dance

You'll Be In My Heart - Phil Collins

or

Just the Way You Are - Bruno Mars (PianoGuys cover)

Then the Bouquet toss

Haven't Met You Yet - Michael Buble'

And of course, the Garter toss

Gangnam Style - PSY

I'm actually pretty proud of myself for coming up with all this stuff :) 

of course, I had Carrie's approval on everything.

But yeah, I think I can do this whole wedding playlist thing.

I'm doing my own for my wedding, cuz I know exactly how I want it.

I'm so excited for Brandon and Carrie though! 

I need to go find a Purple/Teal dress though, so that oughta be fun.. 

So nice to know people always forget you.

Ugh, I've been having major issues lately.  

Fidget has been the biggest dork the past week,

and Carrie and Brandon have been all getting ready for their wedding.
Whoop-di-doo for them.
The thing that pisses me off is that Brandon asked Fidget to be
his best man, or something to that extent,
leaving me the only one in our little foursome group out.
All the rest of them will all be in the wedding party.
Sooo fantastic.
No.
It's not fantastic.
It sucks.
Whatever.
If she doesn't want me to be a bridesmaid,
I'm sure she has a good reason.
Or maybe she just doesn't think that we're that good
of friends.
Which makes like, zero sense, cuz we hang out
all the time.
But whatever.
I shouldn't be angry.
It's their special day, not mine.
It's just kind of insulting to think you're really good
friends with someone, but then when something
special is happening for them, and they don't include you,
but they include your boyfriend...?
Yeah.
Kinda sucks.

Why the heck does this upset me so much?
I really shouldn't care that much about it.
Frick.
I know exactly why it bothers me.
Because I've ALWAYS felt like I'm second best.
I'm always the friend who gets thrown under the bus,
left out, stepped on, etc etc.
I don't know, I really feel like I have no friends sometimes.
No close friends anyway.
What the heck is wrong with me?
Am I just not a good friend?
I try to be one.
Maybe I'm just overreacting.
I mean, she did ask me to make the playlist
for their wedding.
I should be fine with that.
Not like it's my wedding.
And idk, she might be only having her sisters be her bridesmaids.
If that's the case, I can understand that.
I'm probably overreacting, but it is a really big deal to me
when I feel like I'm being left out, because it's happened
so many times.
I don't know why I'm even talking about any of this, but
whatever.
Anyway, now that I don't feel like I'm gonna blow up,
I'm gonna stop talking.

Iatrophobia

Come to find out today, I might have that.

If you don't know, Iatrophobia is an irrational fear of doctors.

My medical exam for my mission is going to be coming up soon,

and I've been literally freaking out about it.

Not on the outside, because I have another psychological issue where 

I know if I freak out about something, anything in fact, my parents

(particularly my dad) will get mad and say that I'm overdramatizing

and that I need to GET OVER IT.

Which is stupid because you can't just GET OVER a phobia. 

I'm thinking I have said phobia because I was reading about it online

and this is what I found. These are the symptoms of a person who may

be diagnosed with it:

Obsessive Worrying – Normal anxiety is typically transitory. You might feel a wave of nervous when actively thinking about an upcoming appointment. You may feel stress on the way to the doctor’s office or while sitting in the waiting room. However, you will not spend a great deal of time thinking about an upcoming visit, and you will be able to distract yourself from the anxiety.

If you have iatrophobia, however, an upcoming doctor visit may be the source of endless worrying. You might find it difficult or impossible to focus on other things. Once you have reached the doctor’s office, you are likely to experience feelings of panic and a sensation of being out of control. You might sweat, shake or cry, or even refuse to enter the examination room.

Other Illness-Related Phobias – Many people with iatrophobia worry that they might need to see a doctor, even if no visits are currently scheduled. You might become obsessed with minor ailments, fearing that they will require medical treatment. It is relatively common for iatrophobia to occur alongside hypochondriasis or nosophobia, which are both phobias of illness.

Postponing Doctor Appointments – Those who merely experience nervousness about doctor visits typically do not try to avoid them. If you have iatrophobia, however, you might find yourself putting off checkups, vaccinations and other routine care. You might suffer through even relatively serious illnesses on your own, rather than seeking professional treatment.

Dentophobia – Although either phobia can occur independently, dentophobia, or fear of dentists, often occurs alongside iatrophobia. It is common for dentists to trigger the same fears as those triggered by doctors of all types.

White Coat Hypertension – Although controversial, the phenomenon of white coat hypertension has been documented by numerous researchers. This occurs when the stress of seeing a doctor is enough to raise your blood pressure to a clinically significant level. Your blood pressure is normal when checked at home or in another setting, such as a health fair, but is high at the doctor’s office.

that's from http://phobias.about.com/od/phobiaslist/a/iatrophobia.htm

I have almost all of those weird nervous tendencies, which is less than comforting.
However, you have to be diagnosed for this phobia.
I probably will never be diagnosed, because I don't go to doctors. Ever.
I hate going to the doctor.
Even just going for my mission physical, I'm freaking terrified.
Ugh, I'm so not looking forward to it, but it has to be done.
Although, the sucky thing is I probably won't take anyone with me because
I always feel so embarrassed about being scared if someone else is there.
So, if I end up having a complete emotional breakdown,
I'm all on my own.
That's great.
Oi, this is going to be a reeeeaaaalllly "fun" couple weeks.
Oh frick, I just remembered I have to get more shots too...
Uuuuuugh!

Age is just a number, including 21.

I'm rather frustrated at Fidget at the moment.

Not sure if he's just having man PMS or what, but he always complains about how much his parents "make him do everything around the house" even though I've been to his house a hundred zillion times and they really don't do that. His mom is a really sweet lady, and every time I go over there, she's slaving away doing dishes or sweeping, vacuuming, etc etc.

Then as soon as she asks him to do anything, he's like "What the heck, Mom? No."

For one, that's a HUGE turn-off for me, because it's like "well, if I married this guy, I know what his response would be if I ever asked him to help me with anything." 

Especially because his excuse is always "I'm 21, I shouldn't have to. I do enough around here anyway, driving people everywhere." 

He's more concerned about his freaking movies than about helping his family. 

I don't know.

It just seems like he's got his priorities majorly screwed up.

His excuse for any source of unfairness in his life from his parents is "I'm freaking 21. I shouldn't have to do that. I'm 21, I shouldn't have to do chores." Blah blah blah blah blah.

21 is just a number.

Doesn't mean squat about how responsible you are, or anything.

Which, now I'm starting to realize, he's a pretty irresponsible person.

Nothing he does is ever wrong, it's always the other person.

Which in a sense makes me scared to ever confront him about anything because I don't think he'd ever admit that he was wrong and say sorry.

But, I don't want to end things badly with him.

So, now I'm just thinking "get me out of here", as in get me on my mission.

I need an excuse to leave him, because then, later, I can write him and give him the "I don't think we're going to be together" shpeal or whatever.

Idk he's being a real baby about the whole situation. 

It's really dumb.

The "L" word...

For those of you not accustomed to the unspoken words, 

the "L" word is one of them.

What is the "L" word, you might ask?

"Love."

A word I haven't said to a single person of the opposite gender in over a year. 

Not since Ty.

But, moving on.

So, a few days ago, I happened to be talking to Brandon about Fidget, and I said I was really kind of worried, because Fidget had already used the "L" word to me, over a text, but still, he used it.

I couldn't bring myself to respond to it.

Just wouldn't happen.

Brandon told me to at least try to, but that there shouldn't be any huge rush, because it would come with time.

So, that's basically what I'd been doing for a while, but then tonight, which just happened to be election day. A very disappointing election day, mind you. When Fidget drove me home, we stood outside my house for a while and talked, and he held me in his arms. 

I was pretty upset about the outcome, but we decided to talk about different things.

I mentioned how I'd never said the "L" word to him, but he'd said it several different times to me, and he said "Well, that's just over text. Doesn't really count." 

Then he brought me into a hug, then said really quietly in my ear "I love you, Grace."

and, smiling, I responded.

"I love you."

So yeah, shock of the century, I think. 

Grace said the "L" word! 

And the wonderful thing is that I feel just fine about it. I'm not scared, I'm not nervous, I feel perfectly fine. I'm at peace.