Smorgesboard... I'm not sure how to spell that

Well, this past week has been weird.

On a good note I got to talk to Ricky the other day

via Google Hangout.

Thank the Lord Almighty for whoever invented that.

But anyway, as I was saying,

this past week has been really strange.

Probably because it's really starting to set in 

how different home-life is going to be from the 

mission field.

And it's not necessarily a "different" that I like.

Regular life just seems to meaningless 

now that I've served my mission,

which makes me feel horrible because 

I do enjoy being home with my family, but

I feel as if everything I do here is almost pointless

and doesn't really make a difference to anything

or anyone.

It's an awful feeling, and I don't like it.

It doesn't help that my personal habits of 

reading my scriptures and praying have been 

rather "shot" because things have gotten so crazy,

and for some reason I feel like if I try to set some

time aside to actually pick up and study,

it'll be kind of blind because I don't have an objective.

I don't have specific people that I'm studying for.

Which then makes me feel apathetic, because

of course I can be making contributions to

my family's spiritual welfare, but for some reason

I don't feel inclined to do that because I feel

like that's my parents' job.

I don't know.

I miss my mission...

I miss it a lot.

I miss the direction, the structure, 

everything having significant meaning,

etc. etc.

I want to go back, but I know that's not 

possible.

It doesn't help that my older brother is still on his mission

and so now I almost feel envious of him because

he's doing all the wonderful, meaningful stuff.

But, I was honest and told him that I

feel like I'm having "post-mission depression", 

so maybe he'll have some suggestions on what I can do

to try to find meaning for my life.

I feel weird asking Ricky about it, but I know

that that's in part because I'm afraid to get too attached

to him, even though I feel like he's a guy I would want

to marry...figure that one out.

But maybe I will ask him about it, because

I need some help, before this gets bad.