So, a lot has happened since the last time I wrote...
Holy crap, a lot has happened.
Ok, let me sum up.
So, since the last time I was on here:
I "hung out" with this guy named David,
who I thought was just a friend,
but then he came running with me one day,
and he seemed genuinely interested in me as a person,
and so I basically spilled the beans about
everything that's occurred in the space of my short
21 years of life.
We had a lot of deep conversations for
not knowing each other too well.
Somehow, I suddenly found myself falling for
David, and I started freaking out.
Sunday came and went, and, same thing,
I felt like I was falling for him so bad, I could
barely stand it.
Sunday night, he called me and kind of
"called me out" on my feelings that I was trying
to hide, but wasn't doing a very good job of,
and he basically said that he was very interested in me,
and he wanted to see if we could try this out.
We spent over an hour and a half talking about
EVERY aspect of our relationship, and how we would
expect it all to pan out.
Then, at the end, I suggested we pray about it and
talk again the following day.
I did so, and it was so weird,
I got the most powerfully peaceful feeling that I've had
while praying in a very long time.
Like, a VERY long time.
So, I decided "Ok, we'll give this a try."
That was a terrible summary, I apologize.
So, here we are, over a week later,
and I am starting to ask myself why in the world
I'm doing this.
Here are the pros in the relationship:
We're good at communicating
He's good at reading me
I'm good at reading him
We agree on a lot of things
We both love church
We're committed to staying pure
He takes me on actual dates
He is an amazing member-missionary!
He's 27
That's all I can think of right now.
Ok, so, here's the cons of the relationship:
He's SHOVING the "marriage idea"
down my throat.
He has bipolar disorder
He's not a virgin
He didn't serve a mission
He's currently not able to go to the temple
He's super touchy-feely. I thought I was... no way.
His family seems reeeaaaallly odd.
His roommates aren't super good influences.
He's more "modern" than "old-fashioned"
He's kind of awkward.
He's 27...
Ok, so, I feel somewhat terrible for
writing down all those things.
So, let me explain a little more.
I understand that people have checkered pasts!
I know!
I have my own!
It's the fact that his past isn't exactly totally IN the past yet.
He's still working through some things.
Remember my post about what I think is attractive in a guy?
Well, David only meets some of the things
that I wrote.
Some things he does the exact opposite.
For example: he and I were talking about
video games for some reason, and he asked if
I had ever played.
I said I had played some, but I didn't have any skill
playing FPS games. (First Person Shooter)
And the first thing he says is:
"That's so hot that you know what that means."
I don't know..
At his age, he's pretty set in his ways of how he
wants to treat a girl, and what he wants to call her, etc.
Me, I have my preferences.
They're not the same.
And, another example is:
David isn't the most drop-dead gorgeous guy out there.
I usually don't date those kind of guys anyway
because they annoy me.
But, I think it makes a big difference if you're in a crowd
of people, and as you're looking at people, you think
"Oh, wow, that boy is cute."
And then you look at your boyfriend and go:
"Eh... yep. That's my boyfriend..."
It makes a difference!!!
It's taken me 5 years to figure out what I want
in a relationship.
The things I've seen that I know I want the most are
respect, propriety, class, dignity, and confidence.
I only just figured that out over the past 2 years,
watching my Mission Presidents interact
with their wives.
David doesn't fit that...
But, here's my question.
Are my expectations too high??
Am I asking too much??
Because, literally speaking, I was never attracted to
ANY of the Elders on my mission. Not even slightly.
I was attracted to how my Mission Presidents
carried and behaved themselves.
So, basically, I'm attracted to old men.
That's wonderful.
Oh man... this is a serious problem.
I feel awful, because I feel like I'm somewhat
debating on whether or not I should break up with David.
Because I kind of am.
I mean, we've been dating for a week, and he already
asked me to come to Utah with him over Thanksgiving
and meet his family.
Forward, much?
I don't want a guy who's that forward...
That just loses dignity and class.
It shows a lack of self-control.
In my opinion anyway.
Alright, I think I'm going to be done with my rant...
I hope no one reads this...
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