A Girl on a Mission

Literally...on a mission.

This is Grace's friend, Lorelle. 

 Grace decided to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, so she won't be back for a while!  She asked me to update her blog every now and again a while ago. Clearly, I am a despicable human being for waiting so long. Don't worry; I won't be telling you about my love life, because it would probably be mostly pictures of the Forever Alone guy, but I will do my best to update you on what's going on with Grace! 

Grace loves her mission, but it has been as demanding and emotional as can be expected. She has had wonderful, spiritual experiences as she shares her faith with others.

She even managed to give a romantic update.

I now quote Grace herself:

"so, first week into my mission, I was feeling super stressed out, and was crying to my companion about how much I'm in love with "Nick", and she told me to just write to him and tell him how I feel, and at first I fought her on it, but then I did it and it was wonderful! I had to wait 3 weeks, but he wrote me a response back that made my heart melt, and my companion says that he pretty much just proposed to me. I say he didn't, but she says he did.  whatever.  It's ok though.  I feel a lot better and I can focus on my work so much more because I'm not worried about telling him or what he would say if I did tell him that I love him, because I already did."

I did it!

I felt completely and totally crazy today, 

but I went and visited Nick's family today :) 

I thought it was going to be really super weird,

but it ended up being totally chill and awesome.

It started off with me needing to go to the store

before I picked up my brother from work, 

but when I got to the store, they hardly had anything

that I was looking for (either they were out, or 

they just didn't have it. Lame.)

And I got this feeling like I should go visit his family.

Funny thing is I got this same feeling like, a month ago.

Maybe even longer than that.

It was when I was going to go visit Fidget, but he told me

he needed like, 20 minutes, I almost went over to Nick's

house to say hi to his family, but I chickened out.

I got that same feeling tonight as I was in the store, and 

finally I got up the guts to do it. 

The drive over was excruciating, and I stressed about 

what I would say, what I would do, how to approach

the situation, because every possibility just seemed

awkward and unnatural.

You know, I just come walking up to the door:

"Hi... I'm Nick's friend from work."

Awkward! No bueno!

Fortunately for me, his dad was out shoveling

the driveway when I pulled up, so I went over

and re-introduced myself, and asked if Nick's mom

was at home. 

She was, thank heaven, and we went inside and 

had a nice chat for about half an hour, until

I had to go pick up my brother from work.

Turned out a lot better than I thought it would be :)

I think, luckily, I contacted his mom on Facebook first

before just going over there.

That would have been weird.

 

I got tagged, so I guess it's my turn. 25 confessions...

Haha I can never come up with a whole lot to tell about me

that people don't already know, but here we go.

25

1. I am terrified of turning 20. Not being a teenager sounds

so scary for some reason.

2. I have worked at the same facility for almost 3 years.

Kinda shocking for someone my age.

3. My favorite color is charcoal grey.

4. My favorite candy is Reeses' anything.

5. I have been best friends with the same person for 

almost 13 years now. Woo!

6. I hate how tall I am. It is so hard to find guys to date

who are taller than me. 

7. I hate when girls are super flirty, it bugs me to no end.

8. Kind of going along with 7, if I can tell that a girl is 

trying really hard to get a guy's attention, I usually cut in

and catch his attention in a subtle way... Nasty habit of

mine, but my devilish side thinks its fun to watch them

get pissed.

9. I have always been extremely self-conscious about my face,

and my weight. I've been battling acne for 5 years now, 

and struggling to get under 150 lbs, or down to a size 8 in jeans.

10.  Hazelnut hot chocolate is the way to my heart.

11. I don't eat bread/noodles. (trying to maintain

a gluten-free diet. Helps with my complexion.)

12. I am steadily becoming more and more interested

in photography/videography. Might look into it

after my mission.

13. My two teeth next to my front two teeth are a little

crooked, but because of it, I don't like my smile. 

14. I taught myself how to play the piano and the guitar.

15. My favorite places are very small towns or up in the mountains.

I love the outdoorsy, small-town feel! Nothing is better!

16. I love to write, and I hope to someday publish my two novels
I've been working on for the past 3 years.
17. I've struggled with depression since I was about 6 years old.
18. My room is decked out in leopard print.
19. I hate the fact that my hair is naturally blonde. I think I
look much better dark-haired, and I don't get made fun of
because yes, I am very blonde inside my head, not just
outside.
20. I have only been outside of my home state twice that I remember.
21. I hate pink. Still. I tried wearing it. Bleh.
22.  I've tried to come up with a season that I find is the most
romantic, but all of them have their pros So far, summer wins.
23. In case it wasn't obvious, I am a hopeless romantic. But that
does NOT mean that I am desperate! I've been single for a long time
and I'm doing fine.
24. The only person I tell literally EVERYTHING to is my older brother.
25. My deepest wish is to be married in the temple with the love
of my life. I try to not think about weddings too much, because I
know some people get annoyed with people talking about it,
but it's constantly on my mind.

There you go! 25 things about me that you might not have known before haha

Cold Turkey

I never really thought of it as that until yesterday,

when it suddenly hit me.

I'm not going to hear from Ty for 2 years.

2

whole

years.

We've been broken up for barely 18 months, but 

all that time, we've at least kept in contact, 

and I've even seen him a few times.

Did I do this to myself?

Did my inability to fully let go set the stage

for this to happen?

I've been completely torn up about this since

yesterday, and I can't find peace about it.

He's in my dreams all the time...

Ever since Sunday - nope, I take it back.

Before Sunday, by like, a week.

And now he's gone...

Like, GONE, gone...

Thank heaven I'm going on a mission of my own.

I would probably go mad if I had to stay 

around here and just never hear from him, except

for if I happened to be unfortunate enough to 

run into his family. 

I'm trying to tell myself that this is a

good thing. 

Because I know it is, but for some reason, 

the pain is still there.

Maybe it'll always be there.

I don't know. 

Either way, I know now, I'm definitely

not a fan of doing anything Cold Turkey.

It's not fun.

I feel like I should be shouting "I'm free!"

Ty is getting set apart as a missionary today, and I feel totally fine about it.  

I met his girlfriend on Sunday, and let me just say, I don't think I like her very much.  First of all, according to Ty, it was her idea to have me come inside and actually talk to him.

Probably so she could do exactly what she did. >:( 

It was really annoying.

I got to his house, and went inside, and I felt super awkward anyway, and he asked me to come sit in the living room.  I did, and he and I talked for a while. There was no sight of his girlfriend. But not for long, because soon enough, there she was, flouncing up the stairs with his siblings.  

I chose to be civil and when I was introduced, I was very nice. But pretty soon, as he and I were talking about more stuff, such as how my family is and such, she came over with his sister and they sat next to him. His sister sat between them, but in not too long, she got up, and his girlfriend scooted over real close to him.

I knew this was coming, so I don't know why I was surprised. 

She pressed herself as closely as she could to him, but he didn't move.  In fact, he almost looked annoyed.  Then she grabbed his arm and put it around her, and he just kinda went with it.

This whole time, she was staring at me like "Yeah, he's mine, not yours."

and I really wanted to say "Really? You're not proving a point. You're just making me really not like you, now cut it out."
The fact that he looked annoyed was just priceless though.
Afterward, he kept asking me over and over again if I wanted a cookie, or a brownie, or something that they'd had at his farewell brunch thing, because they had tons left over, and at first I just said "no thanks." but then he kept asking, so I finally told him that I don't eat gluten/flour much anymore, and he looked so bewildered, it was hilarious.
He was like "what?"
So I said it again, and he looked even more confused.
"Why?" He asked, so I told him that it's been helping my complexion clear up, and plus the little fact that it's been helping me lose weight, which is awesome.
I told him I've been slowly but steadily losing weight because, in my words, "come on, I don't really have that much to lose."
His girlfriend shot me a look, because she's a little rounder than me, and I suspect my acknowledgement of my own slenderness was somewhat threatening to her.
It was a little rewarding, after her figurative slap in my face, to have a little comeback.
 After talking a little more, they were all getting impatient because they wanted Ty to come play a game with them, so I decided it was time for me to leave. He walked me out to my car, because I told him I needed to ask him something without his girlfriend around.
When I got all my things in my car, I turned and asked him,
"Why was it so important to you for me to come today?"
and he said,
"Well, you were a very influential person in my life, and even though things didn't work out between us, I wouldn't be the person that I am today if we didn't go through what we did."
I was shocked by his statement, but I nodded, and once he explained a little more in detail, he gave me a short hug, then went back inside.

Today, he was set apart as a missionary.
Which means I'll be completely free of everything regarding him for a month before I leave for my own mission. He suspects that he'll probably see me in the MTC, but I don't really mind. If I see him, it'll most likely be in passing, and then I'll have 18 months completely free of him!
That will probably do me a lot of good.
I actually got a letter from Nick today, which helped boost my spirits :) although, it wasn't a very long letter. It was only a small note about things that he didn't say in his last letter.
It's ok though, I can wait a few more days for the long letter I'm expecting. 

Farewell, Elder!

I feel somewhat confused, conflicted, and oddly at peace.

Ty's farewell was today, and a couple weeks ago, he asked me

if I would come.  At first, I said I wasn't planning on it,

but he asked me again, so I decided I'd be nice and go. 

Last night, I was talking to my parents about it, and of course, my dad

said "I wouldn't go if I were you. You're just giving him another way

to twist the knife."

But I said "Of the things I know for sure about him, that's not like him

to do that." 

He just kinda gave me this look like "Ok, whatever. Your funeral."

When I was getting ready to go this morning, I found that I was a lot more

nervous than I had anticipated. And as I drove over to his church, my heart 

began to pound. 

I'm still not sure why I was so nervous. Arguably, the worst part of the whole

experience was that as soon as I walked into the chapel, one of his family

saw me, and then they all stared at me like I was an elephant. 

I chose to ignore them and stared at the wall until I found the courage

to ask an older woman if I could sit beside her on the bench. 

I was right in his line of sight, so I looked at the floor until the back curtain

opened and I saw a vacant seat right beside a door, and I all but ran to it.

I had to get out of there fast once he was done speaking anyway, so 

I figured it was the best option. And, lucky for me, his face was hidden

behind a poinsettia plant in this new spot, so I didn't feel as awkward.

I ventured to look at the program, and saw that he was assigned to speak last, and

I did a bit of a mental face-palm. That would make me late for Stake Conference

for my ward, which would mean I'd most likely miss my brother being

presented as an Elder in front of the stake. 

The meeting was the same as all meetings, they made announcements, 

and the sacrament was passed, and afterward, one of the older priests spoke

for a few minutes, then they changed the order. Ty was going to speak

first after all. 

His talk was good, and I was impressed by how well he delivered it, but

he surprised me. Greatly, in fact.

His subject was the to talk about the reasons why he wants to serve a mission,

and he said that he's always known since the time he was a little kid that he

wanted to serve, but he didn't exactly know why. 

But then he said, "until one night, I went to a play at this little theater called the

Valley Center Playhouse,"

and my face immediately flushed.

"called Mission: the Musical. In this play, the main boy was going on a mission, 

but he was in the same boat as me, he didn't really know why. He was

going for all the wrong reasons. Not exactly wrong, but you know. He thought 

he had to go for his dad, or his mom, or for his girlfriend, but 

later on in the play, he was reading in the scriptures, and he finally found his reason

for serving, and that was for the people."

The rest of his talk was somewhat uncomfortable for me, because

I could not figure out for the life of me why he wanted me to come so badly.

Did he want me to hear that something we did as a couple helped him

in his efforts to find his reason to go on a mission?

I still can't fathom why.

I have yet to go back and say a real good-bye to him, and I'm somewhat terrified.

I don't know what I'll say, or what he'll say to me. 

Part of me doesn't want to find out.

Mostly just because I don't want him to say anything like "If things don't work with

so and so (his current girlfriend), I'd like to try again."

What would I say to that?

I somewhat decided what I would say to that, but coming to it now, 

I have no idea. 

I guess I'll find out in a few hours... 

 I don't know whether to feel relieved to "be rid of him" after Wednesday or

sad. I don't know. 

I've never really let go of him since we broke up over a year ago. 

I'm going to have the next 18 months completely free of him.

Maybe I need that.

First Pictures Sent

So, I'm sending some pictures to Nick in my next letter :)

Pictures of me haha

I haven't sent him any yet...

But, I decided what I'm going to do, because I don't want him to see what my hair looks like blonde until he gets to the last picture I sent him. So, what I did was I just made the other two black and white. I haven't even taken the picture that's gonna be in color yet, but these are the first two pictures.

I'm actually really excited to send these to him. I need to get a good picture taken to finally reveal what my hair looks like haha I'm thinking I'll do one of me in one of my missionary outfits in front of the temple. Idk, I'm still working on that. Gotta do it fast though.

"A soft answer will extinguish any contention."

Well, I finally got everything worked out with Fidget.  

It didn't go anything like I expected it was going to go, but

I'm ok with it. 

How it went down was Brandon had both of us go over to his and Carrie's house,

and we sat across the room, and he was the ref. 

He started off by having us name 5 things we like about the other person,

which, I'm somewhat embarrassed to say, was a little hard for me..

I was really upset by the things he'd said. Normally, I could have probably said 

"I know you care about me."

or 

"You're always really nice."

But neither of those were true, so I didn't want to say them.

I really struggled finding my 4th and 5th things, which then made me feel 

kinda bad because he spouted off 5 things, easy. 

After we were done making sure we were both feeling non-viscious, we started

actually discussing what was going on.  I was pretty amazed at how he didn't

try to point fingers at me. Instead, he was willing to listen to me and accept

that maybe he hadn't been the nicest person lately.

It's still a little crazy though. 

My brother asked me to go on a double-date with him and the girl he really likes,

and I said ok, but I can't bring Fidget, because as much as he's annoyed me

lately, we've held hands, and kissed, and if I take him, I'll more than

likely want to hold hands and such, and I don't want to make his date feel like

she's being pressured into a relationship.  

So, I was thinking of maybe asking David, another one of mine and Fidget's friends, 

but there was a whole bunch of drama with that, because Fidget thought
I was trying to hit on David to try to make him jealous, and it exploded into this
big huge thing that he was constantly getting on my case about.
I need to figure out how I can tell Fidget that my brother doesn't want me taking
someone that I'll be all couple-y with, but instead someone that I'm just friends with.
Hopefully it goes over well.
I don't want to not tell him, because if he finds out, he'll really explode.
I just need to be extremely tactful about this.

And the "W.E." award goes to... *drumroll*

FIDGET!!!

Yay! We're so happy for him!

This is such a great accomplishment!

No one ever thought that it could be done, but

what do you know?!

He did it!

Just to clarify, "W.E." stands for "Worst Ex."

He even beat Ty in a landslide for this "award".

I'm not going to specify what won him this award in this post,

that will come later.  

I actually just came up with this idea today, 

more like 30 seconds ago. 

He's such a drama fag, and always awards himself every award 

possible, so I figured I should give him another one. 

He can put it in his trophy case.

Right in the front.

Ladies and Gentlemen, let's give him a round of applause! 

 Douche..