Ok, so, last time, obviously, I was severely broken and hurt because of Ty's little announcement that he has somebody else. I was very upset about it that night, and I tried talking to people, but for some reason, I kept getting the vibe that they were all going "Yeah, yeah, we've heard it all before..." but really, it wasn't so much that I needed to drone on about how heartbroken I was. What I really needed was to figure out just WHY I was so upset about it.
My mom came in and was talking to me about it, and I finally figured out that it wasn't the fact that he has a girlfriend that upset me. It was that it seemed like he told me that for the sole purpose of hurting me again. And after the past several months, when I've been sooo careful about what I do and what I say so I don't hurt him anymore, to have him say something like that, it was more of a "What did I do to deserve this?" Because I had been trying so hard to be nice and considerate to him.
Speaking of being considerate.
That turned out to be the root of the problem. Even while we were dating, Ty had a tendency to be incredibly inconsiderate. Most guys are. They just say things the way they are, because their feelings aren't as sensitive as girls'.
After thinking about it for a while, I think that was the case for Tuesday. I think he had just gotten to the point where he felt he can just talk to me like a normal friend, so he figured it'd be fine if he told me.
Probably not the best thing in the world to do, but it's somewhat understandable. I just couldn't bring myself to even possibly accept that he had malicious intent in telling me. That just doesn't seem like something he would do. He really is a good person.
I know I don't make him sound like the greatest person ever on here, because I mostly talk about the bad stuff, but he really is a good guy. Just, not the guy for me.
That night, I decided that it's time to be done being upset about him. If he's moved on to where he can talk to me like a normal friend, then what the heck am I doing still mourning over the fact that we're not together anymore?
I can still be happy for him, and I am. I wish him all the happiness in the world, but it's time for me to accept that he's moving on, and move on myself. I'm tired of feeling so depressed all the time because he's not here to make me feel better.
So, I wrote an oath to myself in my paper journal, saying that I will not spend the entirety of another day being upset over anything that has to do with him. I signed it, dated it, so now it's in writing, and there is no way I can go back on that. It's like my oath written in my scriptures that I'll read every day for the rest of my life. I've still kept that oath. So, I just have another one to keep now.
Anyway, that's all on that.
Ok, so, I have a story now.
There's a guy that I work with, his name is "Trent".
Trent has a girlfriend who is currently going to college very far away, and he's been really upset about it. I kinda like Trent, but I know what it's like to have someone come after you right after you've been in a relationship and it sucks, so I've been trying to just be a friend to him when he needs, and not get in the way of this other girl because he still has really strong feelings for her.
I do not mess with other people's relationships.
I think it's rude.
Anyway, so he went on a cruise couple weeks ago, just got back today, and I was working. Didn't have any makeup on, my hair wasn't done, etc. He came walking in as I was walking over to my locker and said "Hey."
I turned around, barely saw that it was him, only my brain registered him as somebody else, but then suddenly it clicked, and I did a double-take, and I felt like I was oggling at him!
I couldn't even help it! I totally face-palmed myself for that as soon as he'd left.
Cuz I mean, I'm trying to be nice, and not get in the way, but my subconscious keeps making me do things to try to get close to him, and I'm like "No, frick. Stop it!"
Anyway, that's that story.
Anyway, that's that story.
Different story.
Remember Fidget? Peter's friend?
Last night, we started a James Bond movie marathon. There were 6 of us that ended up there. Me, Fidget, and 3 of our other friends, then there was this girl who's completely obsessed with Fidget. He doesn't like her at all, so before she got there we had this whole plan in place that me and Fidget were going to act like we were dating so she wouldn't bother him. When she got there, me and Fidget sat really close together, and I put my head on his shoulder for a minute, just playing the part, kinda.
I kinda sorta like him, he's really fun to be around, but I just kinda figured nothing would ever happen there.
Anyway, he got up to go get a drink, and the girl asks me "Are you and Fidget dating?" before she'd even asked me my name. She never asked me that, actually.
I said "Eh, things are kinda up in the air." Not wanting to sound like we were anything committed, because I wouldn't be able to keep that going.
So then, I went over to Fidget, and I was like "Well, it's working" all quiet like, and he said "Yeah, but I kinda feel bad. Just sit between us. That'll be fine." So I was like "Ok, fair enough." So I sat in between them but nothing else for the rest of the movie.
Seems pretty normal, right?
So then, today, he went hunting, so I didn't hear from him all day, which was fine, I didn't really mind. Then, at 11:00, after I'd just finished with an inservice for work, I got a text from him that was like "Hey beautiful ;) how art thou?"
He's kind of a geeky/classy guy. Don't ask me how, but he is.
I seriously almost threw my phone when I read the message. I was like "What!? Aaah!"
So I just responded, telling him I was fine, and asked how hunting was, and we talked a little more about that. He said that he might not make it back in time to watch the second James Bond movie tomorrow, and that we might have to do it Sunday, but then he was like "I really hope I'm back in time tomorrow though. I'd hate to miss it ;)"
What the heck is he even implying?
Did he secretly enjoy fake-dating me as much as I secretly enjoyed fake-dating him?
I have no idea!
Bah!
While I was talking to him, me and several of my co-workers were at Denny's, and my friend Janica was talking to her much older guy friends, and they kept asking her to send them a picture of me!
I seriously don't know what to do about all these freaking MEN!
Uuuuugh!
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