I knew you would be first..

Found out some really fun stuff today.  I was at work, and I'd gotten a couple texts from Nathan, but when I came back in from checking the pool chemicals, I had 3 text messages.

I looked, and one was from a friend from work, one was from Nathan, and the other was from -

guess who?

Ty.

He asked me how my book is coming. (the book I'm writing that's based in his school, that I've had to ask him for help on football terminology), and I said that it was coming alright, but I haven't had a whole lot of time or motivation to write because the past couple weeks have been really rough.

Heck, I'll just type out the conversation.

Ty: Red, Me: Grey, Sidenotes: Green

Ty: Hey, how's your book coming?

Me: It's coming slowly.. I haven't had a whole lot of time..or motivation..to write lol

Ty: Ha and why's that?

Me: The past couple weeks have been kinda rough.. I started up again last night though.

Ty: Uh oh.. are you ok?

Me: Oh yeah, I'm fine. Just one of those weeks when everything goes wrong, then friends start doing stupid things so then it's like *pull your hair out*, ya know what I mean?

Ty: Ha yeah, I understand.  Things can be tough, but you gotta stick with it.

Me: I know, I almost didn't, but I'm alright.

Ty: Did you want to talk about it?

Me: It was just kinda dumb, I'd been having a hard night, and I asked my dad for a blessing, and I felt better, but the next morning I lost my wallet, so I got really pissed off and that day was even worse, to give a basic summary.

Ty: I'm sorry Grace... Things have gotten better though... Correct?

Me: Yeah, it's still frustrating though, cuz I had to get a new drivers' license, new bank cards, everything. It's dumb.

Ty: That is really depressing Grace. Things do happen and hopefully you learned something about life.

Me: Oh, I did lol trust me, I did.

Ty: I'm sorry though..That can't be fun.  Are you on good terms with your friends?

Me: Kind of. One of them I have to stop talking to, and the other (Nathan) I had to tell him that he has to stop trying to make me fall in love with him or I can't talk to him anymore.

Ty: Yikes...Is that your only 2 problems with them?

Me: Yeah. But still. That's my two best friends..

Ty: That's true.. I'm sorry.

Me: Oh well, they don't all stay forever.

Ty: Yeah.. You should branch out.

Me: I have been. Sort of. It's not easy when it's only ever the same people around all the time.

Ty: Maybe the singles ward is the best option.

(He said THE WORD!)

Me: Nooo, I am not going to a singles ward. Ew. No.

Ty: Why not?

Me: I've been, several times. I hate it.

Ty: Ha try a different one. It's a good way to meet new people.

Me: It's a good way to get hit on. No thanks. I kinda have this thing against singles wards...I never want to go to one.

Ty: You should. Dean loved it, met a lot of friends.

Me: She's a lot more of a social butterfly than me.  I'm guessing you go to one, right?

Ty: Nope, I am getting ready for my mission and I have a girlfriend. Did you read that? Singles ward isn't for me.

As soon as I read that, I had the most horrible sinking feeling in my gut and I wanted to throw up and cry all at the same time.  I knew this was coming eventually, but I didn't expect him to just THROW it at me like that... But I finally gathered myself and was able to respond.

Me: I thought you didn't want to have a girlfriend before your mission..? Or am I wrong?

Ty: I didn't, not at all. I went on dates and stuff and my resolve was as strong as ever. But then almost 2 months ago I met her, and she's broken most of my rules.

Me: That doesn't sound healthy to me.. Just sayin.

Ty: Ha not in a bad way, just in my mind set.

Me: Ah, well that's cool. I wouldn't have done it, but that's just me.

Ty: Yeah, I wasn't planning on it.  But I don't know how to explain things when it pertains to her.

Me: Well don't. It's better that way.

Ty: You seem..Mad?

Me: Oh, no, I'm not mad.  I'm just a little stressed out.

That was a complete lie.  But I didn't want him to know that he'd single-handedly just destroyed me again, talking about his wonder-girlfriend. I convinced him that I was just stressed out over saving money for college, and then he just kinda disappeared..

As much as I hate to admit it, I cried while writing this post... Reliving this conversation was horrible. Like I said earlier, this wasn't entirely expected, but I didn't expect it to be this soon, or to have him just chuck it at me like he did.  Just like "Oh yeah, by the way, I'M DATING SOMEBODY!" 

It's like, "Ow.. thank you, I'll just take this knife out of my heart and try to re-stitch it together, again..."

I mean, I'm glad he's happy.

Or at least it seems like he's happy.

Now, all that's left is just to make sure he never knows how I feel about everything.

It still doesn't make sense though. Why do I hurt so bad over it? I expected it. I knew he would be the first one out of either of us to get into another relationship. 

But for some reason that makes it all the worse...