Bowling fun

So, tonight was basically my first actual DATE in my whole life, because:
I had a boyfriend for 2 years, starting when I had just BARELY turned 16, so yeah, basically missed out on the whole "guys asking you on dates" thing.
I was pretty nervous, to say the least. It turned out good though. We went to Cafe Rio to start off, and talked about lots of random stuff, then we went over to Jack and Jills bowling for Unlimited bowling, which was super fun.
Let me just say though, I'm sooo bad at bowling, it's not even funny. I bowled 4 gutter balls in a row probably 3 or 4 times.
I know. I'm pretty talented.
I did end up winning a free prize though haha that was pretty awesome. It was a gift basket with a bunch of stuff in it. Most of it was pretty crappy, but hey, it was free.
When it was time to go, so we could drop off the other girl, we went and found her house, and the guy, my friend who set me up with my date, went and walked her to the door. Me and my date watched intently to see if they would kiss, which they did, and we laughed, but then they kept kissing and we were like "dude, oh my heck!" so when he came back to the car, we laughed and kinda made fun of him a little.
Then we drove to my house and my date walked me to my door.
He was a really good date. When he came to get me, he didn't text me saying "i'm here." but he actually came up to the door and knocked, and he opened all my doors for me, and was very chivalrous, and easy to make conversation with.
All in all, a very awesome date :)

It's only been two days.

It was rather weird having Nick just kinda 'disappear'... I can't really explain it, only that it wasn't exactly happy...
Gosh I miss him so much....
I was on my Facebook tonight, looking through some of my Head Guard's mobile pictures, because she's been saying she's got another boyfriend lately, and I wanna see a picture!
But anyway, back on track, I came across a picture of her and Nick when they went horsebacking together. And I felt a little jealous again...
He looked so handsome, in plaid, and cowboy boots, but he doesn't wear a cowboy hat, thank heaven. I think I would probably die and go to "Hillbilly Hell."
I think about him every time I go to work... it's impossible not to.
As it turns out, one of my managers now knows about the little connection he and I had before he left, because one time when Nick was working with her on a late-night shift, she was teasing him about if he had someone "writing to him on his mission" in the sense of:
"do you have a special girl who's gonna write to you?"
He said "kinda, yeah."
So then she was like "who is it? who is it?" and wouldn't leave him alone about it, and it was rather hilarious, I thought, because she said he kept getting really mad at her, saying "I'm not gonna say anything! You ALWAYS get me to tell you stuff I don't want to tell you!"
She was laughing while telling me this.
So in the last like, 10 minutes of their shift, she was still bugging him about it and she was like "what's the big deal? do I know her?"
and he was like "yeah..."
And for some reason, as soon as he said that, the first person she thought of was ME, so she said "is it Grace?"
And then he started yelling.
"How did you know? Why would you have guessed her first!?"
My manager laughed and said "Idk, she's the only one I can think of who has the patience to put up with you."
So yeah, he admitted that we really like each other to her, but that we were trying to not be serious, and then she started making fun of him, like, giving him pointers on how to "not get into trouble" with me, and whatever.
So yeah, she knows.
Which also means she knows that I'm not dating my other friend at work, who she was sooo certain I was a "couple" with for the longest time, to the point where there were rumors being spread about it.
:P

Why is it the happiest moments in life bring tears?

This will be a fairly short post, but it was one of the happiest moments of the past week.
I was driving with my family up to take my dinky little blue car to the mechanic because it has issues, and I was reading "Charly" by Jack Weyland, which is a very cute novel. It isn't very long, and could easily be a very long book, but it was cute. Anyway, while I was reading it, I stopped for a minute and Nick crossed my mind, and suddenly my phone started to buzz. I picked it up, and it was a number I didn't recognize, but I semi-recognized the first three digits, so I answered.
It was Nick!

(He hasn't gone into the MTC yet, he's still at home.)

I didn't know it was him at first, but after a few seconds of listening to his voice, I audibly gasped and said "HIII!!!" probably a little too enthusiastically...
One of the first things he told me was that he misses me
:)
In the middle of our conversation, he said "K, listen really closely, alright?" and I said "ok..?" then I heard this automated voice, and it was saying pick-up lines!

How funny is that!?

There was the "Are you tired? Cuz you've been running through my mind all day long." And "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" and other cheesy ones like that, but I couldn't help but laugh and feel fuzzy inside. It was cute.
He also asked me to make sure I have my address on my first letter, and I said "I will, i'll probably send it on all the letters, just in case."
We talked for probably 20-30 minutes, then he got really quiet, and i said "you're awfully quiet." and he said "yeah, I know."
I asked him what he was thinking about.
He said "Stuff."
At that point, I knew I shouldn't press the matter cuz the last time he told me something that he was keeping secret from me before, he avoided me for two weeks afterward.
When it came time to say goodbye, it almost sounded like he was getting choked up, which then made ME get choked up! We said goodbye in an un-teary manner though, which was probably a good thing, and he told me he's going to call me tomorrow night.
I really hope I don't cry..
I really really hope I don't cry......
I might get one more phone call from him after tomorrow, depending on if he's allowed to call me from the airport or not. He said that if it's not allowed, he's not going to break the rules, and apologized.
I said "Don't. I don't want you to break the rules."
That was the extent of our conversation, which was very sweet and I'm feeling very excessively happy, but on the brink of tears at the same time. Don't ask me how that works.

The difference between 19 and 5. And it's not 14.

For anyone out there who has a younger brother or sister, they can get pretty crazy, right?
And they suddenly turn into hilarious little monsters whenever you have company.
In this case, I was over at my unbiological sister's house with our other unbiological sister, and her little brother, who is 5 years old, was talking to us, and out of nowhere, he started screaming and running across the room, slamming into each wall over and over again. We watched him for a few "cycles", then one of them said
"Don't you love how this is how 5 year olds try to impress us?"
I nodded, but suddenly another image popped into my head. It had almost no relation to the current spectacle, but I imagined Nick doing the same thing: trying to impress me by running back and forth across the room slamming into the walls and screaming.
I started laughing out loud.
They wondered what I was laughing at, and I told them what I had just thought of, then they both laughed almost hysterically.
It still makes me laugh, actually.
I think it's just because if a grown man did that, we would probably check him into a psycho ward, but when little boys do it, it's just cute. And that's perfectly fine, I think.

So commences the beginning of the next two years...

Well, it happened.
Time's up.
And saying goodbye was harder than I ever thought it would be.
I worked Nick's last shift with him, but the problem was we weren't going to be rotating each other, but I pulled strings anonymously until we were.
The shift was generally very quiet, which was slightly upsetting, but we had a bit of fun. He poured some of his ice cold water on my foot one of the times he rotated me, and the next time, he touched it to my leg, still freezing cold, so I aimed and shot my own ice water, and it hit him right in the back of the neck.
I think I won.
Around the middle of the shift, he asked me if he and I could switch places because he had a private swimming lesson coming a little earlier than 3 and needed to end on the last break. I, being the generous person I am, decided to let him have it.
I'm just gonna say this now, one of my favorite things in the world is watching him teach. He has such patience with his students, and knows how to have fun teaching them. And it was rather impressive watching him swim under the water across the pool and back again without coming up for air...
I probably stared too much...
I tried not to.
I got done guarding about 10 minutes before his lesson would be over, so I went and stuck my feet in the hot tub, inconspicuously waiting for him to come to me. I knew that's where he would go once his lesson was over.
When he did come over, he pretended to try to cannonball in and splash me, so I flinched, but it only hit my legs. He sat several feet away from me, leaned his head back, and said "Last time I'm gonna be in a pool for 2 years. That sucks. I love pools."
I smirked at the statement.
When he got out, I hung back a few seconds, then followed him into the guard room. I stood around talking to the other people in there while he went and changed back into street clothes, then he still didn't go anywhere.
Again, I don't remember how, but we ended up in the guard room alone again, all except one of the swim team coaches, but they were at the computer. He went into the First Aid room. I followed. And we had our last secret hug at work.
A huge lump rose in my throat, and I fought it back as I watched him clear out the last bit of stuff from his previously disastrous locker. Seeing it empty just wasn't normal... As he pulled the drawstring on his backpack tight and put on his leather cowboy boots, I found my voice.
"Mind if I walk with you out to your car?" I asked, my voice shaky.
"Not at all." He said, and we walked out of the building together. I had forgotten my shoes but luckily the new tar on the parking lot didn't stick to my feet and turn them black. Arriving at his car, which was a very short walk, he opened the driver's side and tossed his backpack into the passenger seat.
I was holding on by a thread.
He held out his arms one more time, and we hugged softly.
"See you in two years, I guess.." I half-whispered, my voice actually cracking in my attempt to hold back tears.
"Yeah, I'll be here. Hopefully you'll still be here." He said sweetly, and we pulled back.
"I probably will be."
"Nah, you'll probably be married by the time I'm back." He joked, and I almost hated him for saying it, but I don't blame him. I'm not waiting for him. He knows that.
"I have no intention of getting married anytime soon." I said, putting on a fake grin.
"Nobody intends to, it just happens." He insisted, and I giggled a little bit. Then he stroked my hair a little bit, and said "Bye, Grace.."
"Bye.." I repeated, and he got in his car, but before he closed it, I had one more thing to say.
"Nick," I started, to get his attention, "thanks for everything." I said with probably too much sincerity, because suddenly it was practically impossible to hold myself together.
"You too." He smiled, and we shared our last glance before he drove away.
On my way back to the building, I lost it a little, but I pulled myself together enough to fool everyone into believing there was generally nothing wrong with me. One of the guards wasn't convinced though. He'd watched me walk out with Nick, and when I came back in, he noticed my eyes were watery. I never told him anything though.
I managed to hold myself together pretty well for the rest of the day, but I was sooo sad...
At the end of the day, I decided to watch "Tangled" and let out all my pent up feelings. And let me tell you, as soon as the duet between Rapunzel and Eugene started, it came out. In waves.
That box of creme-filled donuts was so delicious at that moment.
And yes, I ate all of them. All 8. And 2 frosted regular donuts with sprinkles.
I'm gonna get fat.
But yeah, I feel better now. Not completely, but I'll get there. Maybe.
I'm so thankful he remembered to put his MTC address on his facebook page though. He told me if he forgot, I could get it from his mom, but I do nooot wanna talk to her. She scares me... Only because she's his mother.
I know, it's rather ridiculous.
But it's kinda like Nick told me the day before yesterday, when he came over to my house to get me so we could go to Walmart, he met my dad outside, and shook his hand. He said later his adrenaline was pumping like crazy, which I laughed at.
Everyone's afraid of my dad.
I think his reason was just because it was my dad.
But yeah, he's an ordained missionary now. I can't see him or talk to him or anything, basically. I have to wait till he's in the MTC before I can start sending him letters. It's gonna be a long wait.
I never told him about Tuesday, and my prayer. I'm debating whether to tell him in my first letter, or, if I'm still single when he comes back, to tell him then. We'll see how things work out.
But for now, so commences the beginning of the next two years.
Without him.

A blessing in disguise. At FIVE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!!!

I'm now 150% positive that God has a very hilarious sense of humor.

I had been praying my heart out this week to get to spend one more day with Nick because I didn't know if I would get to see him again before he's gone... He was ordained today, and so starts the beginning of the next two years...
Anyway, in my prayer, I practically begged to get to see him one more time, and I had this really peaceful feeling that I would. After I'd finished my prayer, I got into bed, and I always listen to music while I'm going to sleep. Mostly Colbie Caillat. Anyway, I was gonna listen to Colbie again, and my iPod is always on shuffle, and when I hit play, the song "Fallin' for you" came on, which is the song that reminds me 100% of Nick!
I suddenly had this strange, wonderful feeling of serenity, as if someone in the back of my head was saying "Yes, you'll see him."
I went to sleep happy that night.

Then my manager called me at 4:40 in the morning asking if I would go in to work!

I woke up grumpy.

I told her that I couldn't go in because I was still getting over a cold, and I needed sleep.

(Mind you, I had gone to bed at 1:30)

So then, I tried going back to sleep, but nothing would work. I had this little voice in my head saying "You need to go to work. Go. GO!" So in my head I went "UUUUUGH, FINE!!!" and got ready for work. When I went in to tell my mom was leaving, boy, you better believe she was shocked.
6 o'clock in the morning, going in and saying "Hey, I'm going to work."
Pfft.
So anyway, I got to work at 6:15 ish, and was wondering why in the heck I had been told that I needed to be at work. Was somebody gonna die? Whyyy did I need to be here?
I kept thinking and thinking about it, and on one of my breaks, I went in and looked at the schedule.
Nick was scheduled to work at 9, which was when I would be off.

-.-

*Looking at ceiling, talking to God* "You woke me up at 5 in the morning for THAT!?"

He was probably laughing at me up there.
So, I stayed at work, and eventually 9 o'clock rolled around, and sure enough, here comes Nick, but he's looking for someone to take his shift off!

*Once again, talking to God* "You've gotta be kidding me!"

He needed it off because his mom had volunteered at his little brother's elementary school, but she was sick, so he had to do it for her. I told him I could stay until 12 for him, and he said he could be back by then. So now I'm thinking "Ok, maybe this isn't so bad..."
The next 3 hours went by awfully quick, and before I knew it, he was back. Once I was clocked out, I went to talk to him, and we talked about his date with the Head Guard and how it bothered me, but he didn't tell me because he didn't want to make me jealous, which I kinda suspected, so yeah, I wasn't mad about it anymore anyway. He asked me if I would come back before 3 so we could go back to the park where we first kissed after he was off work.

*Revelation! Happiness!* "I see where you're going with this!"

So, I went home and showered, got ready, and went back to work, stopping by Subway along the way. I had a strange feeling that God was making sure everything was working perfectly as I went. There was no line at Subway, which around that time, there will get to be a pretty long one. When I went back to my car to go out of the parking lot, the person in front of me had pulled out already so I didn't have to back up and turn around. As insignificant as that is, it was a big deal for me.
When I got there, I had to go in and put my stuff for teaching in my locker, and also my purse, so I just hung out in the guard room until he was off, then we left to go to the park. While we were there, we walked around a lot, and ate our Subway, and he kissed me, and we sat under trees, and poked each other.
Generally had a wonderful time.
When he drove me back to work, he said he wasn't sure if doing something tomorrow was going to work, but he would let me know. He also said that he had found out he wouldn't be able to do anything the next day because he was going to be at the temple from the time he got off work till late at night. All at once, I got all choked up because it all made sense now!
This was my day! My promised day!
I made a small, undecipherable comment about it, and he had no idea what I was talking about, and he asked me to tell him.
"I can't. I'm gonna get emotional." I said, blinking my watery eyes.
"That's ok." He said, holding my hand tight.
"No it isn't! I have to go teach!" I said, and his expression fell.
Once I'd regained my composure, he told me not to let any kids drown while I was teaching swim lessons, and I promised I wouldn't, then I went inside and taught.
Which was really boring.
When I went home, I can't remember what I did, exactly, but I remember I had to go to Walmart, and I happened to be texting Nick at the time, and I told him, and he said "can I come?"

*Again, talking to God* "Ok, I'm grateful. You're spoiling me."

I asked him if he intended to drive down clear down to where I live and come with me, and he said "that's exactly what I mean." So, he came with me to Walmart, and we had a grand ol' time haha he showed me the difference between a bad fishing pole, and a good fishing pole. Not like I exactly care, because I'm no fisherwoman, but I do like that he loves the outdoors so much.
After we had gotten back in the car from going to Walmart, we went to Wendy's and got chicken nuggets. We got 15. I ate 4 1/2. He ate the other 10 1/2.
In the same amount of time.
After that, we went back to my house and just kinda hung out with my family. He had to be home at 10:30 though, so he had to leave at 10. I walked him out to his car, and we talked for a minute. I started shivering once we were out there, which sucked, but he gave me a hug to try and warm me up, so it was ok.
Also, he gave me my last kiss.
And it was perfect.
I was half tempted, when he said "Last kiss." to say "Make it count." But I didn't. I'm guessing it's probably a good thing. Might have messed things up.
But it turned out perfectly.
Something I'm sure I'll be grateful for forever.
I'd woken up at 5 in the morning for that.
And I'd do it again any day.

Random Tid-bit

I just realized something.
All of my favorite fairytales have something to do with thinking that the "Prince Charming" character is mean, or stupid, or self-centered or something like that...
I wonder if that means something...?

This is the story of how I died...

You're probably dying to know how it ends right?
I'll tell you.
Something just hit me, hard. To the point where I think I might either eat so much I gain 150 pounds from depression and die, or lose 150 pounds from depression and die.

I have 3 days left till I have to tell Nick good-bye...

I'm only going to see him one more time...


One.


More.



Time...

And on another note, I don't know if I'm even gonna actually get to see him, because for some reason things always fall through for us.
I'm praying to God with all my soul that this one doesn't.
I don't care if I don't hold his hand.
I don't care if he doesn't kiss me.
I don't care if it's only 5 minutes!!
I just want to see him... one last time... before I have to draw on only my memory of his face. Before I have to wonder if things will actually work out, or if I'll be sending him word of my engagement to somebody else...
It's hard to tell.
I don't know what's going to happen. I can only put my trust in the Lord that He knows where I'm going, even if I don't.
That's the only thing I have left... almost. Of course I have wonderful girlfriends and sisters who've got my back, but still, there's so much hurt, if I don't hold on for dear life, there's no telling what might happen to me.
I must say this though.
I am so proud of Nick for choosing to go on a mission. For turning his life around so he was ready to go on a mission. For teaching me the importance of relying on God when I feel lonely, because without that assurance that I have somebody there, I might have caved when it came time to say good-bye.
He's so strong.
He's so righteous.
And it does nothing but make me...love him...all the more...
That's all there is to it..
I love him.
Whether only as my friend, or more, I can't deny it or hide it anymore. I won't tell him, but I can't deny to myself what I feel.
That's the truth.
Perhaps I won't die after all...

Am I jealous? Yes. Does it matter? No.

This is going to be rather short.
Yesterday while I was teaching swim lessons, my friend who's one of my head guards asked the substitute if he would cover for her tomorrow, but when my other friend asked why, she wouldn't say anything about it.
I guess she ended up finally telling him, because I found out today from my other friend, she's going horseback riding with Nick.
I tried to not let it show on my face that I was bothered, and I think I did a pretty good job. It doesn't matter anyway. He's leaving in a week and a half anyway, and it's not like I'm his girlfriend or anything.
But STILL!
He never asked ME to do anything like that!
Ugh. Maybe it's because I told him I've only gone once and that's when I found out I'm allergic to horses, but I haven't felt any allergies for a long time, and my best friend had horses living in the field next to her house before she moved.
But whatever.
He and I ended up leaving at the same time again today because I was sick and he was just helping get things ready for the swim meet that's going on today, and as we went to our cars, I asked him about it.
"so you're going riding with her today?"
"Yeah, is that ok?" He asked.
"Well yeah, and even if I didn't think it was I wouldn't do anything about it anyway." I said, shrugging my shoulders.
"Ok, I don't see why it wouldn't be."
I just shrugged my shoulders again.
"You can do what you want. I don't care." I said with an almost convincing grin as I got in my car. He told me he would have hugged me but he doesn't wanna get sick, and I don't wanna get him sick anyway if he's leaving really soon, so I wasn't bugged about that.
So yeah, I'm kinda peeved, but I don't care. It doesn't matter. He's gonna be gone in a week and a half anyway.
It still sucks though, because I think that would be so fun, but oh well.
Can't do anything about it.

It's snowing in October. Typical.

Ok, so normally you could call me a Scrooge or a Grinch because I haaaate snow.
This afternoon, it started snowing very hard, the big fluffy flakes that I don't mind so much because they're pretty, and I decided that I'm not gonna be hatin' on snow this year, cuz snow is part of Christmas, and there's no way I'm hatin' on Christmas.
I've never been really good at coming up with date ideas, but when winter rolls around, I become a pro.
These are some of top ideas:

*dark is a very important aspect of the date*

1. Watching a classic Christmas movie like "A Christmas Story" or "A Christmas Carol" with a special someone in the living room with a fire in the fireplace, curled up in a warm, red blanket while sipping hot cocoa and occasionally watching the snow (big fluffy flakes) falling outside the window.
2. Taking a trip up to Temple Square (in Salt Lake city for those of you who may not know) with a special someone to see the lights, then walking to the Gateway for a dinner. And during all this, it must be snowing big fluffy flakes.
3. Taking a walk with a special someone down an old main street, for instance, American Fork, Lehi, Provo, any city that has an ooooold main street, while it's snowing big fluffy flakes and stopping at some small shoppe to get hot cocoa or something.
So yeah, those are my ideas. You may use them if you like, but if you wanna tell me which ones you like best, that would be awesome :) and feel free to list ideas of your own.

Not today. Not right now.

Ok, so I think last night was probably one of the cutest nights of my life.
I know.
I say that a lot.
In short, you should be jealous cuz my life is cute and yours isn't.
:P

(Kidding, of course XD)

So anyway, I was at my house, getting ready to go take a shower because I had to get my hair wet during swim lessons so I hadn't even bothered prettying up or washing my hair or anything of the sort before I left for work. I felt gross.
I was in my bathrobe hanging up my big bath towels when suddenly my phone started to vibrate a lot, and I looked at it and "Nick" was calling me.
I rushed out of the bathroom and into my room and answered, and he asked me what I was doing, and I said I needed to get cleaned up from teaching, but he asked me if I would be all ready in about an hour and I said "Yeah, why?" and he was wondering if I wanted to get slushies with him or something, because he was 'heading my way' coming home from his friend's apartment at BYU.
I told him absolutely, then as soon as I was off the phone, I showered as fast as I could then got back in my room and got ready.
For the first time in my life, I changed outfits 4 times before being content with what I was wearing...
It was sad.
He called me at 9, asking if it was ok if he came at 9:30 instead, and I said that was fine, so I cleaned up my room until then, which was productive.
When he got to my house, we decided we didn't wanna get slushies, cuz it was kinda cold, so we went to JCW's and got fries. It was pretty sweet. He was trying to get me to guess names of football players on the Colt's team, cuz they had a game playing on the tube, but I really could care less.

(Seeing as a certain ex of mine was completely into football)

After we left JCW's, we drove to main street in my city, and parked by the park by the old rec center. We got out and walked around, and talked about lots of things. He was commenting on how old the trees were, saying that the park by my work where he first kissed me, the trees were older. I'd forgotten, and he was appalled at me for a moment, but not very long.
We went to the swings in the park and I wanted to show him how I could do a backflip off the swings like I used to, but I'm so out of practice, and kind of a scaredy-cat, I could never do it. He was going as high as he could, so that he free fell for about a second before swinging backwards. We jumped out of the swings, and of course, I slipped and fell on my butt as soon as I landed. I can't remember how he landed, but I'm pretty sure it was solid.
We walked back to the pavilion, and I was telling him how I'd done kind of a "play" type of thing of the Joseph Smith story in this park, and showed him the little house in the playground that we'd used as Carthage Jail, then we went and sat on one of the benches by one of the older trees. Once we'd gotten bored of that, we were walking around some more and we ended up back at the pavilion. He was sitting on one of the tables and I was standing up right in front of him. We stared at each other for a long time before he leaned in and kissed me, and his hands happened to move right over the spot on my shoulders which is extremely ticklish and I flinched.

(Something similar had happened before, and that's how I know he's ticklish on his left side)

He leaned away from me for a second, and I looked sheepish.
"you're ticklish right there?" He asked, trying to touch it again. I squirmed and protested and he laughed at me.
After that it became somewhat of a tickle war. He'd try to get my shoulders. I'd try to get his side. Just before we left, we had a really bad battle. I had my arm around his waist, and brushed his side with my overly long nails and he flinched, then attacked me. I tried to get away and we ended up spinning around, then when we finally balanced, I was only actually standing on one foot, with him holding me up by my waist. We were grinning at each other playfully, then we called it a draw.
When we got to his car, he opened the door but neither of us moved, and I can't remember what happened, but he ended up twirling me around, like a dance twirl.
I asked him what he was doing, and he said "I'm dancing."
"You dance?" I asked, surprised.
"Oh yeah." He said, and took my hand in his, resting his other hand on my waist, and my hand on his shoulder and we danced in almost complete silence, except he was humming a tune I didn't know. He twirled me several more times, then we said we had to go home, so we got in his car and he drove me up to my house.
On the way up the hill to my road, Taylor Swift's "You belong with me" was playing on the radio. He was making up his own ridiculous words to the song, and I asked him what he problem with Taylor Swift is, and he said "She's pretty! I wanna be pretty like Taylor Swift!" and my whole body shook with the laugh that came out of my mouth.
We pulled up to my house and my garage was still open with the light on and Nick noticed our yellow bike hanging up on the wall and said "that's a nice bike."
"it's a piece of crap." I countered.
"I wanna check it out." He said, and we went into my garage to check out the bike. He said it's a good bike, and I told him the problems which he also said would be no problem to fix, then he walked out of my garage. I followed and pulled on the rope tied to the handle to shut the big door.
Our automatic shutter had been broken for years.
I told him that and he said "that blows."
"Eh, it's life." I shrugged.
"Life sucks." He said, his face contorting a little bit.
"Sometimes." I corrected. He suddenly smiled at me, taking me by the waist and pulling me closer.
"Not today. Not right now." He said softly before kissing me, and lifting me off the cement. Involuntarily, my left foot popped as he held me above the ground, and our lips didn't part until he had put me back on the ground. We were both grinning wide, cheesy smiles at each other, before he said good-bye and kissed me one more time before turning and going to his car.

Pathetically Kodak

Geez, tonight was a mix of the worst and best night ever.
It started off as the worst, because my family and I were just going down to Macey's to get treats for FHE (Family Home Evening, for those of you who may not know) and right as we were walking in the store, I see three very familiar people coming out of the store.
Ty's mom, sister, and brother.
I made eye contact with his sister and I think my face probably turned white. I suddenly felt light-headed and nauseous. I could tell she was still glaring at me, even when I looked at the floor, and I heard his mom say very quietly "look, it's Grace."
I felt even more nauseous and walked with my family though I desperately wanted to run. I stayed in the store with them, and got a Mt. Dew instead of candy, but I had completely lost my appetite. We were leaving the store, when my brother remembered he still had to put his paycheck in the bank before going to walmart, so I stayed with him, but I was still feeling sooo crappy. I was texting that one guy at the time as well. I'm gonna call him Nick. So anyway, he asked me if I wanted to meet somewhere and talk about it, and I asked if he intended to drive down to Macey's and get me. He said that's exactly what he intended to do. So, my brother waited with me until he got there, then he parked his car in the parking lot and we talked for a bit. When I was talking, basically just spilling everything about how I was feeling, I started to get teary-eyed, but I swallowed hard and blinked whatever salty assassins were in my eyes back into my brain. I asked him if we could go somewhere, and he said "alright" and we drove to a park somewhat close by. A park me and Ty had walked to a couple times. I said I didn't mind being there, which was true, and we sat and talked more about everything. I didn't have that much to say. Most of it was in my head. He asked me eventually what I was thinking about, and I had told him it had been a pretty crappy day altogether. I'll make a list.
He and I were supposed to work together today, but he left half an hour after the shift started.
I got in "trouble" at work because I haven't been getting my head wet while teaching swim lessons.
I spent almost the whole day at work.
I saw Ty's family.
All in all, it was kind of a bad day.
I didn't tell him the list, but - I'm not sure this was a mistake telling him this, but I don't feel like it was - I told him that I realized how little time is left before he leaves, and how I know it's gonna be hard. Really hard.
While I was saying this, he was looking at the stick-on nails I have on my fingernails, and I told him I'd switched them from the ones I'd had earlier. He said he'd noticed, and I told him I had ones on my toenails too. Then I laughed and said "yeah, I'm a barbie."
When I looked back at him, he was just looking at me and was kinda stroking my chin, then he smiled and said "you're so beautiful."
Me, being the bashful person I am, looked down at my hands and said "oh gosh.." then he brought my face back up to look at him.
"What? I can't just tell you that?" He said with a teasing smile.
"You can, I just can't help it if I blush." I admitted.
"I can't see it if you blush anyway." He shrugged.
"Well, that's me anyway. I'm bashful." I said, smirking, then he leaned in and gently kissed me. We were still in his car, and we heard a light rain falling outside the windows.
We both commented on the rain, and he asked if I wanted to go outside the car and sit in the rain. I said "sure." so we went and sat on the curb by his car, and he asked me to tell him how my day was, and I told him about how it was kinda crappy.
I can't remember what he was saying, but he was saying something along the lines of understanding how I felt, and I started to get really teary-eyed again, whenever I looked at him, counting the times I'd get to look at his face before he was gone. I looked away from him and took several very deep breaths with my eyes shut to try and regain my composure.
When I opened my eyes, he was leaning forward, looking at me.
"You ok?" He asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I lied, and he turned my face to his again.
"Hey, look at me. Everything's gonna be ok. I promise." He said sincerely, and the lump I'd been trying to swallow clogged my throat again, and my eyes welled up. I tried to turn away from him but he took me in his arms, holding me against him as all my emotion spilled out.
I cried out of fear, mostly, I think. When he leaves, I'm gonna be all but alone.
Fear, and self-pity probably.
I buried my face into his shirt, crying harder than I had in front of anyone in a very long time. When I pulled away, he said "you're ok. It's ok." over and over as he ran his thumbs under my eyes. I told him what I was feeling about being alone, and how I hated it so much. I've never felt so lonely in my whole life, and I feel like I've been left behind by all my friends who are in college now, when that's where I could be as well.
I wasn't looking at him when I told him this, and he turned my face to his again.
"Look at me." He said, but I was feeling self-conscious and was stubborn. "Come on, look right into my eyes." He insisted, and I did. "You're never alone."
Just that phrase brought on a whole 'nother wave of emotion, because I knew he was right. He took a few minutes telling me about how he finally found God and knew what it was like to be alone, but he feels so much better about himself, and about everything now, and while I my eyes were still all watery, but my breathing had finally slowed, he kissed me. The most gentle, caring, softest kiss I've ever been given. It quite literally "took my breath away."
After I'd finally calmed down, he made a comment about how letting out feelings like that to somebody can be very helpful, and I admitted to him about how I hadn't showed anyone that side of me for a really long time, and he said "that means you're opening up to me. That's good."
All this while, he had my face cupped in his hands.
"Thank you." He said with the sweetest smile on his face, and I fell into his arms again.
"Why are you so dang sweet?" I asked, and we sat there and hugged on the curb, as easy as that is, for a moment.
He asked me if I wanted to go on a short walk and I said "sure", so we walked around the park, and saw a couple people up top of the slide, like, making out...It was gross.
So then we walked back to his car, and got in, and he drove me home. When we got to my house, he walked me up to the porch, gave me a hug, and a short sweet kiss good-bye, then I went inside.

My dreams like to torture me...

I had a dream last night, not like anything I might have expected. Not at all.
It was all about Ty.
Here's what happened.
I was going to some sort of like, mini-play type thing, and I didn't have anyone to sit by so I was sitting by myself, and suddenly I get a text from Ty that says "I'm here."
Mentally I freak out, and look around, now reeeaaally wishing someone was already sitting next to me, but as I looked around, I saw him two rows ahead of me, sitting next to this other girl, who by all means was rather...large...but anyway, as soon as I saw him, I practically laid on my row of chairs so he wouldn't turn around and see me. I didn't even pay attention to anything that was happening in the 'play.' I kept glancing at him, and eventually he had his arm around her and she was leaning her head on his shoulder.
Anger flared in my chest.
When the thing ended, I got out of there as fast as I could, but not before he'd seen me. I ignored that fact though, and he didn't follow me. He and this other girl, I think her name was Kaylee or something, I don't remember, and I don't really care. But anyway, the next place I saw them was together by this pond thing. She was like, an emo girl, who wore too much makeup, and had a nose piercing, I think. She was wearing a bikini, and he was in gym shorts and a t-shirt, I think. He's self conscious about his body.
Anyway, they kept kissing, but then he saw me, and said "I'll be back." then came to follow me. I turned and tried to walk away but he caught my arm.
"I've missed you." He said, trying to keep hold of my hand but I wrenched it away.
For some reason our surrounding suddenly changed and it looked like we were in a plane... maybe a bus...I dunno.
"That's great." I said bitterly.
"Can I have a kiss?" He asked, and my mouth actually gaped open.
"You have your other girl. Get one from her. Besides, you'd be cheating on her if I did."
He laughed at that and said "She cheats on me all the time."
"No, I'm not gonna help you cheat." I said more stubbornly.
"Teddy Bear..." he started, and I wanted to slap him. Teddy Bear was the pet name he always used to call me.
"DON'T call me that." I almost yelled.
"Teddy, come here." He said, grabbing my arms and pulling me close to him. He was always a lot stronger than me, and I'm not that weak, but I couldn't stop him. He kissed me for a long several seconds, then finally I pushed him away.
"Can I have a hug?" He asked.
"No." I said flatly, putting as much space between him and me as possible.
Then we were told that we had to go back to my back yard, so we did, and these people were performing a sad love song, and apparently me and Ty were part of it, because we went up and sat on this bench, sang our part about 'missing the other person' and I had to hold his hand for the last few seconds of the song. I don't remember what song it was, but I just wanted to get out of there. It was all so awkward.
When it was over, I walked off the stage and we were back on the plane/bus thing.
"Can I just have one hug?" He asked again.
"No." I said, crossing my arms across.
"Alright." He said sadly, then he had to go talk to some other guy, and I guess he was secretly an army agent because something terrible was gonna happen, and he had orders to go and try and stop what was happening for as long as possible, but the probability of him dying was almost inevitable. I'm pretty sure we were in a plane now, because he went to the back and opened a door, and stood there looking at me.
"I love you. Always remember that." He said, before disappearing into the dark, and I was left wondering if I'd actually wanted to give him that last hug. But now it was too late.
That's when I woke up.