"I miss my missionary"?

There's a Facebook group titled that.

What the heck.

I don't really know how to express how I feel about that.

I think it's kind of pathetic, honestly...

For one, it's stupid to wait for a missionary in general. 

I told Nick I'm not waiting for him, and I haven't been.

I dated Fidget, after all.

But, it didn't work out.  

So what?

There's even a blog called "waiting for an LDS missionary"

and it had this thing on it that was all about advice to give to girls

that are waiting for a missionary.

One of the things it said for the missionary was "Write to her at least once a week."

What?

At least?

No.

Their focus needs to be on the Work.

Not on their little girlyfriend that they left at home.

If it's right, it'll work out.

There doesn't need to be any of this 

"But I'm sure he's the right one, I need to wait."

Most of the time, you're wrong.

If he's the right one, good for you.

I hope you're right.

I don't know, it's kind of a foggy subject in the church. 

Everyone has different opinions about it.

Well, that's mine.

Takes one to take offense. Takes two to fight.

Well, tonight was quite the night.

Had my first real fight with Fidget. 

And I will just say it now, I'm glad I already broke

up with him, because if i hadn't on Monday, I would 

have tonight.

Definitely.

Since we "broke up" I've tried to keep in contact, 

you know, let him know that I still care about what 

he's up to. But it seems every time I tried, he got more and

more distant and reluctant to talk to me.

So then today, I was asking him if he went to see the Hobbit,

and he said yes, so I was like "Dang it, everyone is 

seeing it before me!"

and he was like

"well then go see it."

And I said "I can't, I have other things I have to do."

And his response was "Then stop complaining."

I mean, really?

Rude.

I tried to overlook it though, but earlier he posted about

the Hobbit on his Facebook, and was like "it brought me back

to childhood."

Every time I talked to him, Harry Potter was always his childhood movie.

So that kind of pissed me off.

Joking, I said "Hey, Lord of the Rings was MY childhood, not yours :P lol"

but his response was still super defensive.  This is basically how the 

conversation went, and how the fight started.

Fidget: Excuse me, I have many childhood memories and I don't need you telling me what mine were.

 

Me: Pardon, how many times did I hear "Harry Potter was my thing, it was what I grew up with"? Like, a gazillion.

Fidget: And I don't think I ever mentioned that I loved Lord of the Rings (Harry Potter is better still for me) and I did grow up on Lord of the Rings. So it is also MY thing.

Me: Nope. Not so.

  Fidget: K whatever, this is stupid. Lord of the Rings is good, but I love Harry Potter more. But I did grow up on Lord of the Rings and I don't need you telling me that I didn't.

This was when I got off the comments and messaged him.

Me: Dude, what the heck is your deal.

Fidget: What is yours?

Me: I'm not even being serious, I'm joking around. Will you stop being so defensive?

Fidget: I don't know sarcasm through computers Grace.

or texting.

Me: bull. we've had conversations like this over text and FB several times and you've never acted like this before.

Fidget: don't bull me. I do not appreciate the way I have been treated over the last like week. So I am getting pretty defensive.

I am getting treated like I am stupid, don't matter any time I say anything, etc. It is pretty much making me defensive.

Me: have i been treating you like that?

Fidget: A little bit yes. I have been treated like I am stupid any time I say anything- your roll your eyes and you treat me like I just said the stupidest thing ever. That is a huge pet peeve of mine so I get pretty defensive.

Me: dude, the last time i saw you in the last week was yesterday.

Fidget: Talking too, through text and even when we were dating. I let it slide a lot of the time...

because I didn't want a fight...

Me: we were never officially dating. you never asked me.

Fidget: K well kissing, snuggling and holding hands means nothing I guess...it doesn't always have to be a question, its actions too.

When he said that, it was pretty obvious to me that he never had any intention of ever actually asking me to be his girlfriend. It was all just words to him. Empty promises. But I figured I should be the bigger person and not be like "Well YOU did this and this and this, and I didn't like it, blah blah blah."

Me: Do you think it was easy for me to tell you what I told you on Monday?

It wasn't easy at all. It was a really hard thing for me to do, because all of that stuff really meant a lot.

Fidget: I know it meant a lot to me too, which is why I needed some friends over all day MOnday and Tuesday. I have been depressed all week because of it. Which might also be why I am defensive.

Me: Yeah, I've been struggling too. You're not the only one.

Fidget: I know that, but then it hurts more when you are texting me all the time.

Me: do you want me to leave you alone? you said you didn't want this to be awkward.

Fidget: I didn't...it just hurts...you know?

Me: yeah, i do. very much so.

Fidget: I have felt sick to my stomach all this week. I probably would have taken it better if I had gotten a LOT more sleep and if editing wasn't killing me and causing more problems.

I was only half "listening" to what he said, because I didn't care to hear about how difficult of a time he's having, and so he always has to have friends around, etc etc. Ty did the exact same thing.

Me: yeah, I didn't want to tell you on Monday because you had so many other things on your mind, but then you guessed it anyway.

Fidget: I know...i know when something is wrong or perhaps I know you too well. Let's just say this fight never happened? I am still very sleep deprived...I had a stupid meeting this morning at 5:50 AM until 9 AM and I didn't get home from the Hobbit until like 3 last night...and then sleep overs with Brady (we pulled two all nighters, huh...haha) and so I have gotten zero sleep for the last two weeks. I am dying...literally. haha

To be totally honest, I don't care what he's been doing to himself, why he's "dying." If he's not nice to me, I'm not gonna be nice back. 

Me: I'll try to pretend it never happened, cuz you've been kind of a jerk today.

Fidget: well you haven't been the easiest person to get along with either, not just me. takes two to make a fight.

Me: takes one to take offense.

Fidget: k you know what this is really dumb. just forget it. this fight did happen, I am trying to be the Christ like person here and then you go off saying I am a jerk so I have to get defensive again.

your never wrong anyways, your as stubborn as a mule, especially the whole Peter thing just proves that point.

The whole "I'm trying to be Christ-like" thing is exactly what his sister would say. I wonder where she gets it... I had to try sooo hard to not just explode at him. All I managed was:

Me: thanks.

Fidget: ya, thanks for calling me a jerk too.

your welcome.

 That one stabbed pretty deep too, because I'd told him that the "You're welcome" phrase at the end of a fight or a really good stab at someone is something I'm always tempted to do, but I never do it.

And this is why.

It killed me when he said it.

Because it basically says "I'm not sorry for what I said, you can go die."

He got off of Facebook after that, and I texted him and said "Do you really want to end on that note?"

We had another long talk and he just said he needs time to cool down, and I do too, obviously. Not so much because of things I said, but mostly I just need time to stop feeling like I want to curl up and die because of the things he said.

I mean, my walls are back up.

That did it.

Hopefully he'll never ask about it, because I won't tell him.

And more than obviously, I will never marry him.

Because, as I discovered tonight: if a man doesn't have enough self restraint to keep himself from saying something to deliberately hurt me, I'm not going to stay with him.

You can keep yourself from saying hurtful things.  

It's hard, but I do it.

If I had said half of the things that were on the tip of my tongue tonight, he would probably never speak to me again.

If I can do it, so can he, but if he's not even going to try, and just say "that's just what I do when I get in a fight" then I sure as heck am not going to waste my breath on even debating whether I would let him lead me to the altar or not.

Knew this was coming too.

So, I went in for my final bishop's interview tonight for my mission. 

It was really great, and he thinks I'm totally ready, 

but when he asked me if there was anything I wanted to talk about, 

I decided to tell him about what happened with Fidget, with the mission thing.

One of the first things he said was that it's probably a good idea to 

stay away from him..

I was kind of expecting him to say that, but now that I'm pretty much

a missionary, I have to be so much more careful about who I hang around

because I know the Adversary is going to send everything he's got at me

to keep me from going.

Including Fidget. 

Cuz, I'll admit, sometimes he is a bit of a temptation..

But now I don't know what to do! 

I didn't talk to him at all today, until tonight, I got on Facebook and he

was on and after like, half an hour, he started talking to me. 

We had a good talk, but then we started kinda bantering about vacations,

because he was like "people need vacations, cuz otherwise life gets too

stressful."

And my response to that was "I don't think so. I think people just spoil 

themselves because they think they can't handle it but really they can."

He seemed kind of upset at that comment, but then we just went back and forth

about whether vacations were actually worthwhile or not, cuz he was 

saying he needs another one after this one because he was "working the

whole time."

But yeah, while we were 'arguing' about it, he was like 

"Hehe are we flirting? Cuz I like it a lot."

I didn't say anything because I mean, come one, I'm trying to pull away

now, I can't egg him on.. 

And when he had to leave, when he said "love you", 

I didn't say it back... 

I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do about it, because

I have to let him know that I can't do the dating thing anymore, but I 

want to try to do it as nicely as possible.

Somehow I knew this would happen.

So, I submitted my missionary application today! 

Woot!

Although, on the flip side, now I've found out a whole

lot of other stuff about Fidget that I'm honestly not that surprised

about, but it still kinda sucks, cuz now I don't really

want to be with him at all.

I'm trying to be supportive, but he has this major problem

respecting authority in the Church, because he says the people that

are sustained are "freaks." 

I tried talking to him about it and helping him understand some 

things but it didn't really work. I tried explaining the concept of 

when we're really critical of ourselves, we tend to be really critical of 

other people. 

His immediate response was "I'm not critical of other people.

I have Peter as a friend, and my uncle is gay, but I don't judge them.

I accept them for who they are. I'm only critical of myself."

I did a major face-palm there.

He's so critical of others. The fact that he gets in fights with his 

parents all the time and says that they have no idea what

they're doing, and that his siblings are brats,

and he complains about people all the time from work, or people

in his family.

I almost wanted to be like, "Uh, B.S. You're majorly critical of people."

But I didn't.

Instead, all I said is "You tend to be pretty critical of other people, hun.."

I haven't gotten a response to that yet.

But, now I've kinda turned all my attention back to Nick. 

Not all of it, because I don't quite know how to handle this situation

with Fidget.

I want to help him find that conviction about going on a mission, 

but he's giving up on himself.

I guess I can only pray that I'll be able to remain strong and not

crumble if I have to break things off with him. I'd probably give the

excuse that I have a mission to prepare for, so I can't be in a relationship,

although I "wish I could be" or whatever.

I don't think I can ever tell him that he's not what I want in a husband.

It would crush him.

He's waaay too sensitive.

I definitely hope that he can't see this, but I highly doubt he can, because 

I haven't even told him about it.

The sad thing is though, that I knew I would hear about all these

questions he has sometime or later, because I could see the defiance, and confusion

way before he told me, and I see it in the way he talks and interacts with people,

he wants to be on top, in charge, respected, but then sometimes he acts like

a complete jerk, and yells at people because he feels it's necessary.

What do I do with this kid?

Wedding songs!

So, I put together the playlist for Carrie and Brandon's wedding,

and I think it's super cute.

The intro, when they're gonna be doing the line and everything, 

is gonna have an assortment of these songs:

Broken Road - Rascal Flatts

Everything - Lifehouse

Kiss me Slowly - Parachute

A Thousand Years - Christina Perri (PianoGuys cover)

Your Guardian Angel - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

When You Say You Love Me - Josh Groban

Long Live - Taylor Swift

Can't Take My Eyes Off You - Lady Antebellum

Faithfully - Journey

What Makes You Beautiful - One Direction (PianoGuys cover)

I Love You Forever - Two Steps From Hell

Without You - David Guetta ft. Usher (PianoGuys cover)

Can't Help Falling in Love - Elvis Presley

Unforgettable - Nat & Natalie Cole

After that, they're probably gonna do the cutting of the cake, etc etc.

Then, there's gonna be a dance just for the girls

Single Ladies - Beyonce'

Then the dance for just the guys

Sexy and I know it - LMFAO

Then the money dance 

Every Time We Touch - Cascada

Then the dance with Brandon and his mom 

undecided

Then Carrie and her dad

Open Arms - Journey

Then Carrie and Brandon's dance

You'll Be In My Heart - Phil Collins

or

Just the Way You Are - Bruno Mars (PianoGuys cover)

Then the Bouquet toss

Haven't Met You Yet - Michael Buble'

And of course, the Garter toss

Gangnam Style - PSY

I'm actually pretty proud of myself for coming up with all this stuff :) 

of course, I had Carrie's approval on everything.

But yeah, I think I can do this whole wedding playlist thing.

I'm doing my own for my wedding, cuz I know exactly how I want it.

I'm so excited for Brandon and Carrie though! 

I need to go find a Purple/Teal dress though, so that oughta be fun.. 

So nice to know people always forget you.

Ugh, I've been having major issues lately.  

Fidget has been the biggest dork the past week,

and Carrie and Brandon have been all getting ready for their wedding.
Whoop-di-doo for them.
The thing that pisses me off is that Brandon asked Fidget to be
his best man, or something to that extent,
leaving me the only one in our little foursome group out.
All the rest of them will all be in the wedding party.
Sooo fantastic.
No.
It's not fantastic.
It sucks.
Whatever.
If she doesn't want me to be a bridesmaid,
I'm sure she has a good reason.
Or maybe she just doesn't think that we're that good
of friends.
Which makes like, zero sense, cuz we hang out
all the time.
But whatever.
I shouldn't be angry.
It's their special day, not mine.
It's just kind of insulting to think you're really good
friends with someone, but then when something
special is happening for them, and they don't include you,
but they include your boyfriend...?
Yeah.
Kinda sucks.

Why the heck does this upset me so much?
I really shouldn't care that much about it.
Frick.
I know exactly why it bothers me.
Because I've ALWAYS felt like I'm second best.
I'm always the friend who gets thrown under the bus,
left out, stepped on, etc etc.
I don't know, I really feel like I have no friends sometimes.
No close friends anyway.
What the heck is wrong with me?
Am I just not a good friend?
I try to be one.
Maybe I'm just overreacting.
I mean, she did ask me to make the playlist
for their wedding.
I should be fine with that.
Not like it's my wedding.
And idk, she might be only having her sisters be her bridesmaids.
If that's the case, I can understand that.
I'm probably overreacting, but it is a really big deal to me
when I feel like I'm being left out, because it's happened
so many times.
I don't know why I'm even talking about any of this, but
whatever.
Anyway, now that I don't feel like I'm gonna blow up,
I'm gonna stop talking.

Iatrophobia

Come to find out today, I might have that.

If you don't know, Iatrophobia is an irrational fear of doctors.

My medical exam for my mission is going to be coming up soon,

and I've been literally freaking out about it.

Not on the outside, because I have another psychological issue where 

I know if I freak out about something, anything in fact, my parents

(particularly my dad) will get mad and say that I'm overdramatizing

and that I need to GET OVER IT.

Which is stupid because you can't just GET OVER a phobia. 

I'm thinking I have said phobia because I was reading about it online

and this is what I found. These are the symptoms of a person who may

be diagnosed with it:

Obsessive Worrying – Normal anxiety is typically transitory. You might feel a wave of nervous when actively thinking about an upcoming appointment. You may feel stress on the way to the doctor’s office or while sitting in the waiting room. However, you will not spend a great deal of time thinking about an upcoming visit, and you will be able to distract yourself from the anxiety.

If you have iatrophobia, however, an upcoming doctor visit may be the source of endless worrying. You might find it difficult or impossible to focus on other things. Once you have reached the doctor’s office, you are likely to experience feelings of panic and a sensation of being out of control. You might sweat, shake or cry, or even refuse to enter the examination room.

Other Illness-Related Phobias – Many people with iatrophobia worry that they might need to see a doctor, even if no visits are currently scheduled. You might become obsessed with minor ailments, fearing that they will require medical treatment. It is relatively common for iatrophobia to occur alongside hypochondriasis or nosophobia, which are both phobias of illness.

Postponing Doctor Appointments – Those who merely experience nervousness about doctor visits typically do not try to avoid them. If you have iatrophobia, however, you might find yourself putting off checkups, vaccinations and other routine care. You might suffer through even relatively serious illnesses on your own, rather than seeking professional treatment.

Dentophobia – Although either phobia can occur independently, dentophobia, or fear of dentists, often occurs alongside iatrophobia. It is common for dentists to trigger the same fears as those triggered by doctors of all types.

White Coat Hypertension – Although controversial, the phenomenon of white coat hypertension has been documented by numerous researchers. This occurs when the stress of seeing a doctor is enough to raise your blood pressure to a clinically significant level. Your blood pressure is normal when checked at home or in another setting, such as a health fair, but is high at the doctor’s office.

that's from http://phobias.about.com/od/phobiaslist/a/iatrophobia.htm

I have almost all of those weird nervous tendencies, which is less than comforting.
However, you have to be diagnosed for this phobia.
I probably will never be diagnosed, because I don't go to doctors. Ever.
I hate going to the doctor.
Even just going for my mission physical, I'm freaking terrified.
Ugh, I'm so not looking forward to it, but it has to be done.
Although, the sucky thing is I probably won't take anyone with me because
I always feel so embarrassed about being scared if someone else is there.
So, if I end up having a complete emotional breakdown,
I'm all on my own.
That's great.
Oi, this is going to be a reeeeaaaalllly "fun" couple weeks.
Oh frick, I just remembered I have to get more shots too...
Uuuuuugh!

Age is just a number, including 21.

I'm rather frustrated at Fidget at the moment.

Not sure if he's just having man PMS or what, but he always complains about how much his parents "make him do everything around the house" even though I've been to his house a hundred zillion times and they really don't do that. His mom is a really sweet lady, and every time I go over there, she's slaving away doing dishes or sweeping, vacuuming, etc etc.

Then as soon as she asks him to do anything, he's like "What the heck, Mom? No."

For one, that's a HUGE turn-off for me, because it's like "well, if I married this guy, I know what his response would be if I ever asked him to help me with anything." 

Especially because his excuse is always "I'm 21, I shouldn't have to. I do enough around here anyway, driving people everywhere." 

He's more concerned about his freaking movies than about helping his family. 

I don't know.

It just seems like he's got his priorities majorly screwed up.

His excuse for any source of unfairness in his life from his parents is "I'm freaking 21. I shouldn't have to do that. I'm 21, I shouldn't have to do chores." Blah blah blah blah blah.

21 is just a number.

Doesn't mean squat about how responsible you are, or anything.

Which, now I'm starting to realize, he's a pretty irresponsible person.

Nothing he does is ever wrong, it's always the other person.

Which in a sense makes me scared to ever confront him about anything because I don't think he'd ever admit that he was wrong and say sorry.

But, I don't want to end things badly with him.

So, now I'm just thinking "get me out of here", as in get me on my mission.

I need an excuse to leave him, because then, later, I can write him and give him the "I don't think we're going to be together" shpeal or whatever.

Idk he's being a real baby about the whole situation. 

It's really dumb.

The "L" word...

For those of you not accustomed to the unspoken words, 

the "L" word is one of them.

What is the "L" word, you might ask?

"Love."

A word I haven't said to a single person of the opposite gender in over a year. 

Not since Ty.

But, moving on.

So, a few days ago, I happened to be talking to Brandon about Fidget, and I said I was really kind of worried, because Fidget had already used the "L" word to me, over a text, but still, he used it.

I couldn't bring myself to respond to it.

Just wouldn't happen.

Brandon told me to at least try to, but that there shouldn't be any huge rush, because it would come with time.

So, that's basically what I'd been doing for a while, but then tonight, which just happened to be election day. A very disappointing election day, mind you. When Fidget drove me home, we stood outside my house for a while and talked, and he held me in his arms. 

I was pretty upset about the outcome, but we decided to talk about different things.

I mentioned how I'd never said the "L" word to him, but he'd said it several different times to me, and he said "Well, that's just over text. Doesn't really count." 

Then he brought me into a hug, then said really quietly in my ear "I love you, Grace."

and, smiling, I responded.

"I love you."

So yeah, shock of the century, I think. 

Grace said the "L" word! 

And the wonderful thing is that I feel just fine about it. I'm not scared, I'm not nervous, I feel perfectly fine. I'm at peace.

I hate Mondays...

Well, today was somewhat better than the past while, but in a couple ways, it might have been worse..

It was great, because I got to spend a whoooole lot of time with Fidget, just me and him, filming, and we went to see a play together, which actually ended up getting pretty crazy, but that's a different story.

Then, after the play, we went back to his house and his parents were like "Fidget, we need you to come upstairs for a minute."

And turns out, his parents are taking his family to Disney World.

I don't know why, but as soon as I heard them all screaming and yelling about how excited they are, I got this sinking feeling in my gut and I kind of wanted to punch something. I was downstairs by myself, and when Fidget came back downstairs, that was the only thing he would talk about for the next like, 15 minutes.  

He asked me if I wanted to go down to the "Man Cave" for a little while before he had to take me home, and I said sure, and when we got down there, the interrogation began... 

He asked me if I was ok.

I said I was fine, but I didn't realize that I didn't look at him when I said it.

So then he said "Can you look me in the eye and tell me that?"

I was like "Dang it.." And then I did it, but he was still like, "I'm not convinced"

So then I tried telling him to just not worry about it, which he told me was dumb because there was 'no way he wasn't going to worry about it'.

After a little while of me refusing to give in, he started guessing what it was.

His first guess was jealousy, which I said "sort of"

Then he said I had to explain myself, so I started explaining about how my parents pretty much never take us on vacations, like, ever, and all the other financial problems that I've been having because of my parents, etc etc, and suddenly I started getting all choked up!

Panicking, I thought "Oh gosh, no!" and tried to hold myself together, but it did not work worth anything, and I ended up totally having a meltdown in front of him.  He'd been sitting on the couch next to the one I was sitting on, but once I'd started getting all choked up, first he'd grabbed my hand, but once I sat up and lost it, he got up and sat next to me and said "Come here." until I'd leaned into him and let it all go.  

Pretty much everything came out.

Even my being upset about having to go back blonde.

That one, I was like "What the heck?" but it kinda  makes sense.  

I'm a little bit of a ditz, and when I used to be blonde, before I started dying my hair a lot, I would get made fun of because I was a "stereotypical blonde".  

Sometimes, it really hurt.  

So, I really am not excited to go back to being blonde at all, for that reason.

But yeah, that's what happened tonight. Ended up having a total meltdown in front of Fidget.

I freaking hate Mondays.

Ok, maybe that wasn't so bad.

So, I ended up talking to Fidget about last Friday, when I thought he lied to me, which I'm still kinda unsure of. But from what he told me, it sounded like he was telling the truth.

I brought it up nicely, when he and I were taking his sister back down to college.  I went along to keep him company.

When we had dropped her off, we went and found a McDonald's to get some food because we were both starving, and I brought it up then.  I was nice about it. I had waited a few days to let myself cool down, and when I asked him, I just said "If you really just wanted to spend time with her, I wouldn't have been mad, I would have just rather you tell me than try to keep it a secret."

He told me that he had been taking a nap for the little amount of time that he hadn't been talking to me, and when I asked him if I could go pick up my laptop, his sister (the one we took down to college) had come up and dragged him out of bed because she wanted him to play Nintendo with her.

Which sounds exactly like something she would do, so I wasn't surprised at all.

He said they had just started playing when I got there, and he said afterward he got mad at her because she made him look like a liar. I am still being wary though.

So far I haven't been disappointed.

The drive back up from taking his sister down to college was sooo scary though!

It was like, 10 at night when we finally left, so it was totally dark, and we were driving through the middle of nowhere on this two-lane highway that had nothing to either side except sagebrush and trees.  Talk about freaky! Some scary music actually started playing on the CD he chose and he started yelling at the stereo because he didn't want that music and it scared me so I jumped haha it was really freaky.

Just as we were leaving McD's though, Fidget was talking about how he wished he'd ordered a pumpkin shake, and I was sooo tempted to look at him and say "Do you want dessert?" in a very sexy way, as to let him know I meant a kiss, but then I chickened out and didn't say anything.  But I kept laughing to myself about it because I couldn't believe I'd debated saying something that corny.

He kept badgering me about what it was I was going to say, and I wouldn't tell him, but after time and time and time again of him begging me to tell him, I finally did, and half-expected him to make a face like "really..?" but instead, he was like "What?? You didn't say it!? No, you have to say those kinds of lines if you think of them! I love lines like that! I think they're adorable."

So that was a pleasant surprise.

I ended up getting in trouble for being past my 12 o'clock curfew that was set in place as soon as I started my mission papers. I'm still getting used to that.  

I don't like curfews.

By the way, I finished my Halloween costume, finally! I'm being Snow White from "snow white and the huntsman", the new movie that just came out. I don't care who says they didn't like it, I am not a Kristin Stewart fan whatsoever and I thought she did just fine. 

So anyone who is stereotypical enough to say that she was just as bad in this movie as in Twilight can just shut up. 

You don't know what you're talking about.

Never lie to a girl. She ALWAYS knows.

I have to rant. I'm beyond pissed off today that I don't know what the heck to do with myself.

On Wednesday, it was Fidget's birthday, and we all had a party over in this clubhouse in one of those special gated communities, big deal, blah blah blah.

It was fun, we had food, I gave him a "6 pack" of root beer, and I kissed him again when he drove me home, all wonderful.

Whatever.

So then yesterday, I had inservice at work from 9 pm till 11, and he wanted me to come over when I was done and we'd hang out for a little bit, but when I was done, he was like "I'm falling asleep, we should probably wait til tomorrow." 

So I was like "Ok, when do you get off work?"

He said he got off at 4.  I got off at 3, so I figured I'd have plenty of time to go home, change, and be all ready for him to come pick me up.  We wanted to go drive up the canyon and maybe film a little bit.  But suddenly, at about 4:30, I get this text from him that says "actually, I'm feeling too tired to go anywhere, let's do this tomorrow."

So I was like "..ok... wait, when do you work tomorrow?" 

He said he gets off at 2. I have to go in at 4:30.

So I said "That won't work."

So then he's like "What about Sunday?"

And I say "I'm ok with going on a drive, but I don't want to film on Sunday."

He never responded to that, but then he says "You're still coming to the Bond movie tonight, right?"

So then I'm like "Um, maybe."

I mean, really, he's too tired to go on a drive, but he's fine to host a movie party?

Yeah right.

So then I was kinda hurt, but I didn't say anything. I had to go pick up my brother from work around 6, so I picked him up, then I asked Fidget if I could come by and get my laptop, because I left it at his house on Wednesday, and he said that was fine. So, I went over to his house, and what do I find?

He's playing Nintendo with his sister, screaming and yelling, full of energy.

So then I'm thinking "Like Hell you're tired. You just wanted an excuse to not go with me."

I wouldn't have been bothered about the fact that he wanted to stay home and play with his sister if he had actually been honest about it and told me the truth.

The fact that he LIED about it reeeeaaally bothers me.

Then, to make matters worse, I went in and asked him if it was still on his desk in his room, and he said yeah, then he let me walk up and get it by myself.  He didn't even look at me.

So, I went back downstairs where everybody was, and was like "Well, I'm gonna go now."

After his sister was like "What are you doing, Fidget? Go say good-bye.", he actually stood up and came and said bye to me at the door, after asking me if I was coming to his movie night, to which I said "Probably not."

So, I went home, and worked on my Halloween costume all night.

That's how my Friday night went.

Definitely nothing like I had expected, or hoped for.

Also, the reason I can jump to this conclusion that he lied is because he's done it before.

It was a day when he was coming home from a football game at the college funded by my church, and he said he was finally getting to hang out with his friend who lives around there. They got home around 6:30, and I asked him what time the Bond movie that night was going to be, and he said 10.

I asked why, because that's cutting it close on my curfew, and he said "I have to do some chores."

Obviously not true, because he had already said he was hanging out with his friend.

So, yeah, I'm rather pissed about this whole thing. I haven't talked to him since I went and got my laptop. I'm gonna wait until he texts me, because I'm hoping to let him sit and stew over it for a while til he figures out that I saw through him.